Wednesday, April 1, 2020

[Class] Asshole

HD- d8
Max AC- 14 / Minimum Hit-Points- 2

If you play this class, you're an asshole. If your DM lets you play this class, he's an even bigger asshole. If you dislike using a swearword as a name, call it a “Craven” instead.

You are a bit of a mix of a Fighter and Thief. You pick locks as a Rogue two levels below your own, and gain +1 to hit at 2nd, 4th, 6th, and 8th level. You may also add this bonus to your damage if you are using an underhanded tactic- aiming for the groin, throwing glass shards in the eyes, coating your weapon in poison or sewage, etc.

The Asshole is a coward. They are cheats, backstabbers, and bastards the lot of them. Once per session per Asshole level, you may put another player character into a spot to gain an advantage. Jump behind them during combat to make them take a hit meant for you, shove them down the ladder so you can succeed your saving throw to avoiding the trap, or “borrowing” something of theirs which they are not allowed to take back unless you give it back, such as a magic item or valuable treasure.

At 10th level, you become a Self Righteous Asshole. You are granted an estate for your “deeds” and “heroism”, and are put in charge of a retinue or 20 loyal and gullible dullards. These dullards are larger and stronger then normal men, most will be half ogre or from a giant bloodline, but are loyal to a fault. If they are ever shown and proven your treachery to them however, they will rip you apart.

As a Self Righteous Asshole, you gain the ability to enforce your morality on others- as you have “proven” your worth so many times before. Any infraction of the law or morality can be punished as swiftly or harshly as you deem to your subjects- you are quick to become a very cruel lord. You can never be punished by an authority figure higher then yourself, even the church or king, as you will always side step responsibility and appear as noble as you can be to them. However once you become a Self-Righteous Asshole; upon death your soul will be claimed and fought over by so many demons, devils, and judgmental gods that you cannot be resurrected.


  1. Things really start to take a dark turn at level 10 0.o...

  2. Ha, this rules.

    In my games, "push someone else in front of you" is something anybody in the middle ranks of the marching order can do. Almost nobody ever uses it in my games. Guess my players are too nicey nice.

  3. Heh heh heh. This brings to mind some player characters I've known.