20 Altered Classic Spells

[1] Super Delayed Fireball (Fireball)

Conjures a ball of flame. Unlike normal fireballs, this one travels towards the target at a snail's pace, a constant burning ball that seeks to destroy them. The ball does not stop under any circumstances, but avoids solid objects and can hover through the air to try and reach the target. Do to how slow it travels, the target can outrun the orb with a brisk walk, or may travel across long distances, to a separate land, to live the rest of their life while the orb slowly seeks them out. The orb can be destroyed in advance with a ice arrow or magic spells similar to breaking a curse, or if by chance a flying creature touches the orb and causes it to blow up.

If not; the orb will eventually find the target's grave and singe the gravestone in the last explosion, too late to put the target down themselves. Of course if the fireball reaches the target ahead of time, does normal damage.

[2] Agitate Person (Hold Person)

Hits a single person, which causes them to vibrate in place. The person cannot stop moving and must walk, jump, or perform repetitive actions to get the stimulation out of them. They cannot stand still and get a disadvantage to sneaking, but they doesn't necessarily have to move away from their position if they can walk in a circle or get it out of them through that motion. If for whatever reason the person cannot move and is totally locked in place, they take 1d4 damage from their internal organs and blood vibrating hard inside their body. If this kills them, they blow up messily.

[3] Affect Abnormal Fires (Affect Normal Fires)

This spell is mostly used to corral and fix the behavior of uppity fires and spirits of flame. Forces hellfire to produce light, tickling fires to burn people, stonefire to burn wood instead of rocks, and intelligent Fiendfyre to stop acting with malevolent intent. As a plus, this spell can be used to control the actions of intelligent fires as per a Command, Suggestion, or Geas spell. Creatures half made of fire, like fire elements and Genasi can also be cast upon, but get a saving throw and the spell has “half” effectiveness.

[4] Comprehend Gobbledygook (Comprehend Languages)

You can understand gibberish, mostly spoken by babies, mock elements, and other serendipitous and stupid creatures. You may also get a saving throw to understand the gibberings of the insane or those speaking in tongues during religious experiences. Gibberish isn't a very descriptive or useful language, instead mostly boiling down to expressions of emotion, safety, love, or desire for food or a physical object. The cast can also attempt to speak gobbledygook but may twist up their tongue on a 1 in 6 chance, requiring them to untwist it over the course of an hour so they can speak again (and cannot cast spells again until they can speak.)

[5] Beetle Plummet (Spider Climb)

You can crawl up a wall as a giant insect can, but are fat and clumsy. After 1d6 rounds, you will fall from the wall and will only take 1 damage. While climbing you count as having at least 16 AC due to your implied heavy beetle shell. If you fall on someone, you deal 1d6 damage + 1 per unit or point of encumbrance over your "unencumbered" value.

[6] Hindquarter Shield (Shield)

Upon casting this spell, the magic user gains a magical shield behind them. The shield protects their rear end from attacks and back stabs, adding bonus AC as per the regular Shield spell rules. If an enemy throws a an explosive bomb or pot of acid and misses you by one, it will hit the rear end of the shield and bounce back to hit you anyway.

[7] “Heat” Metal (Heat Metal)

Upon casting this spell, a metal item the caster can see becomes criminally charged. The item is infused with the energies of criminality and chaos, and any lawman who sees it gets the idea that the item is stolen or belonging to a criminal in their mind. The wearer must have a rock solid alibi or face charges from having the stolen weapon or armor. This spell takes several rounds to take effect, the first making the item simply seem sketchy, then seemingly stolen, then a very hot item.

[8] False Tracks (Pass Without Trace)

This spell makes the caster and up to two others not leave any traces through natural terrain, meaning no footprints, little bits of fabric, trampled underbrush and so on. However this spell has a twist that displays the tracks and hints of your direction towards another way, so while you go through the thick woods to lose your pursuers, they see your footprints going up to the hills. If someone was fast enough, they could see your footprints and little traces of your travel appearing step by step on their own down the fake location.

Those who spend a lot of time tracking and are good at it will not be easily fooled by this spell, as it tends to have a bunch of repetitive tricks it uses all the time, like a fake brush-over pattern with a branch as though the fake travelers were covering their tracks but did such a bad job of it it is obviously faked, tracks left through snow don't have any crushed packed snow, just a light scoop is taken out to make the fake paw prints, etc.

[9] Heated Hands (Burning Hands)

This spell makes the magic users hands glow bright red and give off tremendous heat. If they were wearing gloves, the gloves catch on fire or if they were metal gauntlets they turn bright orange from the heat and could be forged. Similarly, any metal object the magic user touches slowly turns bright as the metal gets hot enough to smith, water turns to steam when paddled through, and snow banks melt when the hands ruffle through it- obviously they cannot use any wooden weapons or hold a magic wand or staff while this spell is in use, else their instrument of magic will light on fire.

Any punch attacks done by the magic user deal 1d4 fire damage instead of their normal unarmed damage from the intense heat; a fast enough swing even creates a puff of fire and smoke on impact- potentially lightning the target on fire on a roll of 4 with a fist attack. Finally, by using their hands as a shield versus dragon fire or a fire based spell, the magic user can reduce incoming fire damage by -1 or get a +2 to saves versus fire and explosive spells as their hands try to turn away the blast. This spell lasts for 1d2 exploration turns.

[10] Protection from Neutral (Protection from Evil)

This spell protects you from the conniving and predatory nature of the “neutral”. This spell has a 1 ft radius and grants -2 to attack rolls done against you from neutral creatures and +2 to saving throws from spells or actions done by neutral creatures. In this case, Neutral creatures who are attacked you are doing so because they are hungry and want to eat you, or maybe are doing so for money as a mercenary. If you are being attacked by men of the law or by creatures acting in self defense, then they would count as Good for the attack and the spell doesn't work. If you're being attacked by sadists, slavers looking to make a mark, or cultists then you are being attacked by Evil and the spell does not work. Bandits who encounter wandering magic users often may shout about how they are going to torture the magic user or a string of heretical profanity to mark themselves as evil just long enough they can slip past this spell's defeneses.

[11] Wrap Wood (Warp Wood)

When cast, this spell wraps up several wooden items in yards of ridiculous colorful holiday paper as per gift giving traditions in the setting. These items are put in boxes, stuffed with papers, adorned with ribbons, etc. Arrows come in individually stuck boxes, the quarterstaff would be wrapped up head to toe, etc. Trying to use these weapons gives a -2 penalty to hit and damage as the paper softens the blow and loosens your grip. You can spend a round aggressively tearing apart the wrapping paper to get your weapon back. If you cast this spell on another objects made of wood, like planks of wood in a boat or floorboard the items are covered in fake tinsel snow. If cast on a tree, it just gets decorated as per a Christmas tree.

[12] Goose Geas (Geas)

The moment this spell is cast, a large aggressive male goose flies in from the nearest open window or door to stand around the target of the spell. The target is given an instruction or goal, or is told a negative command to not do something, and this spell binds them to that and tries to force them to do it. The Goose is how it does this. Every time the person steps out of line, tries to disobey the spell or subvert it, or seeks a counter-charm to the magic, the goose will honk, scream, peck and flap its wings to block and herd the target back on the path they're supposed to travel.

The Goose is still a normal 1 HD creature and can be swayed momentarily, allowing the target brief moments of not working towards their Geas (especially if bribed with bread), but the goose has a higher intelligence then more animals and knows its targets intention and actions. If the Goose is ever killed, it returns in 1d4 days 50% larger and with another HD. If the Goose ever is killed and will return with HD equal to the caster who cast this spell; it returns with three heads and magic wings that can flap apart spells of 1^st level or less. If slain this final time, it will not return.

[13] Shinigami (Shillelagh)

Infuses a bit of wood, usually a club or staff, with a spirit of death. The knots of the wood arrange themselves into a spooky skull-like face. The wooden club will always try to get the holder to cause more death and destruction, even if it furthers the users own ends, because the wooden spirit wishes to see more death in the world as that is how it gains power. It will also attempt to goad the weilder to take huge risks or try to bludgeon the head in of a huge monster, so its holder can also die for it as well. The Shinigami can grant +1 to all damage rolls while it is held, including spells, but will only do so for a wielder who continues to follow its advice.

[14] Pessimistic Sphere (Prismatic Sphere)

Creates a shifting magical sphere around the caster, which has several shades of gray. Anyone trying to attack the caster are hit with several strong sensations of depression, unmotivated, procrastination, ennui, laziness, obliviousness, and annoyance in that order from the inside out. You can destroy a layer by blasting it with a powerful spell of the opposite emotional effect or by dealing at least 10 damage; each layer can absorb up to 10 damage if you can succeed the saving throw needed to actually care enough to attack the sphere.

[15] Animate Objections (Animate Object)

This spell must be cast during an argument. The caster can either create the Objections based on their own arguments against their opposition, or they may cast it as a neutral third party which creates the objections of both sides. The Objections are based on the primary talking points of the argument and the objections to it. They are created as semi-real phantasmal creatures with exaggerated features and simplistic and assertive personalities made to fit their objection. For example, if a character's plan of action would take the group through a orc-infested mountain and the caster had an objection that they would be attacked by an orc ambush, then this spell would create a semi-cartoony orc carrying a huge stone over his head, as though to through it down on you from on top of the narrow mountain pass.

All creatures made by this spell have HD roughly equal to the importance and legitimacy of the objection to the argument, where as more nonsensical objections have less HD and are less real. The caster can create up to 1d4 + Charisma modifier objections. The objections disappear once the argument is settled, but in the most extreme cases could be made to attack the magic user's enemies who he was arguing with, for example. Sometimes, if the concern of the objection is wide enough or long lasting enough, or if the living objection is especially clever, it may stick around longer and become a permanent half-being of a living argument that was settled a long time ago.

[16] Pass-Stall (Passwall)

When cast, this spell creates a large stall section of a wall, with accompanying curtain. The stall is recessed into the wall it is created and made of the same material. The stall is big enough to hold one creature comfortably, but two or three could squeeze into it as a closet. The curtain and stall is magical; when the curtain is closed, creatures who saw you enter must patiently wait for those inside the stall to step out or open the curtain, and likewise those within are unable to fire spells or arrows out of the stall until the curtain is open. However both those in and out can prepare for the spell to end or for those inside to make their escape; such as by setting up caltrops or lying in ambush. The spell has a secondary effect along with this; anyone within the stall is somewhat concealed magically by this spell, and creatures must make a saving throw or pass right by the stall, if they were chasing you or just wandering around.

The stall lasts for 1d3 exploration turns and at the end of the duration it kicks everyone inside out and refills the empty space with a great exhalation of material.

[17] Invisible Stocker (Invisible Stalker)

This spell conjures forth an invisible, intelligent creature. The creature has 8 HD and is quite powerful, but is an absolute pacifist and refuses to make any attacks or participate in combat in any way. Instead it only has one joy in existence- To stock, arrange, organize, manage, and otherwise perform all the functions of a quartermaster to its controlling caster and their cohorts.

After any combat ends, the arrows and thrown weapons of the party are gathered back up silently, appearing back in their quivers and bags. Coins are arranged into piles and neatly arranged by metal type, and rations are carefully checked off and correctly portioned. The Invisible Stocker can even purchase goods from stores by pantomime, despite not wanting to speak, by arranging the desired items on the shelf with payment, and as soon as the payment is checked and taken by the store owner, the items will disappear when next not watched to be given to the ordering magic user. The Stocker can be ordered to follow to manage resources, stay at a stronghold to keep track of goods and stores, sent half the world away to purchase some rare and exotic item, and so on.

The Stocker is essentially permanent, but will start to resent ungrateful owners and may attempt to leave or even sabotage its own efforts as a last resort, replacing all the swords in your scabbard with rusted ones from your dungeon stockpile. If given occasional gifts, such as an abacus with golden counting beats or a nice set of scales this will keep it satisfied and happy in your employment.

[18] Slowest Poison (Slow Poison)

This spell creates a dark green sludge which can be mixed with a drink or food item to poison it, or coated on a weapon to deliver it to a target. When hit, this poison will kill the target, eventually. It takes 1d20+10 years for it to finally kick in and end the targets life, and there is no saving throw for this poison. Only powerful magic or a cure, or just dying of natural causes first, will save you from it.

[19] Finger of Left (Finger of Death)

Permanently transforms both of the target's hands into left hands. For most individuals, this would greatly reduce both spellcasting and fighting ability, granting a permanent offhand penalty to all actions and attacks (since both hands are now the wrong hand), but for left handed people, this actually gives them permanent perfect ambidexterity, as both of their hands are now their good hand. If you don't already know your character's dominant hand, just assume 1 in 10 chance for left-handed.

[20] Mirroring Foes (Mirror Image)
When cast, this spell creates 1d6 illusion copies of an enemy creature. The creature knows the copies are fake and is not scared of them, being able to see itself in the copies. However, the copies have two effects. First, it has an X in 6 chance, with X being the number of copies remaining, for an enemy magician to miscast a healing or support spell they were trying to cast on the real creature, since all the mirror images copy them and even speak if the creature speaks, making it more confusing as to which one is the real one.

Secondly, the actual location of the copied being is in question each round, and when an AoE spell is cast or a multiple-target attack lands, roll damage for each copy. The real one conveniently is the clone that takes the most damage from the multi-target attack or spell. Each round, one copy disappears and the enemy creature can use up an attack to attack a copy of itself to dispel it.