Ogre Generator

All Ogres begin with;

• 4 HD
• AC as chain (14)
• Morale 15 (dumb and angry)
  
• +2 to hit from size and ferocity
• Boulder-sized fists deal 1d6 damage
  
• Deals +2 damage on any melee attack (Add to their weapon's damage)
• Alignment of Evil

Ogre's Head – Roll 1d6

[1] Tiny (Cannot be stunned) Shrunken, squeaky voice. No loss of appetite.

[2] Horned (Rage at 50% HP- gains +2 to hit + damage, -4 AC, no retreat) Bestial and hairy.

[3] Fanged (Gains 1d4+2 bite attack) Like walrus tusks. Gains adorable lisp.

[4] Long Haired (+1 AC) Graceful. Pretty party members will be jealous- zero tangles.

[5] Eyeless (Surprises party on 2 in 6) Probably a cave ogre. Moves in disturbing silence.

[6] Two-Headed (Knows one random 1^st level spell; once per day) With two heads; now smart enough to cast a spell. The heads remind each other of the incantation halfway through.

Ogre's Belly – Roll 1d4

[1] Armored (+2 AC) Wears armor plates on its stomach, a bit clever by ogre standards.

[2] Painted (+2 saves vs spells, cannot be Charmed) Strange primitive runes, fingerpaint.

[3] Full (+1 HD) Satisfied ogre. 1 in 6 chance there's a person still alive in there.

[4] Oiled (+1 morale, can slap its belly to draw in another random encounter) Like a wardrum.

[5] Pierced (+1 to hit, get +10% on loot roll) Adorned with piercings.

[6] Saggy (+1 morale and damage) This ogre is probably really hungry. Hangs to its knees.

Ogre's Weapon – Roll 1d8

[1] Massive Cleaver (1d8+1) Giant meat cleaver. Crudely made, but strong.

[2] Log (1d12, attacks two at once; half damage to each) Big. Uses both hands.

[3] Executioner's Axe (1d8, change alignment to Greedy) Worked as an executioner once.

[4] Ship's Chain (1d6+1 with reach, sweeps away spears) Spins it like you do with twine.

[5] Logging Saw (1d10; does 2d10 if you're trapped in place) Bloodstained teeth.

[6] Big Rock (1d10, will throw at “annoying” people; ie bowmen) Favorite Ogre projectile.

[7] Dead Knight (1d6+1, knocks you prone on hit) Knight in full plate. Ogre snacks on his exposed face in between smashing people with the corpse.

[8] Beast Bone (1d6, breaks on first roll of 6 dealing 1d4 damage to all within melee range including itself.) Huge bone of some other big monster. Will be mad that you broke it.

Ogre's Disgusting Body-Part Shrine – Roll 1d10

[1] Feet (+1 to morale) Cuts off feet before they die, so you can't run. Slightly more intelligent.

[2] Hands (+2 in 6 chance to avoid surprise) Lots of experience catching thieves.

[3] Eyeballs (+1 to hit) Suspended in jars or tied on barbed strings.

[4] Entrails (+2 HP, rope lasso on first round of combat; save to free self) Bit of a trapper.

[5] Teeth (+1 damage on attacks) This Ogre likes to torture people extra. Watch out.

[6] Spines (unarmed attacks deal 1d8, knows one Special Move) Just pulls them out the back.

[7] Skin (+1 AC) Wears a long apron made of faces. Makes their own furniture.

[8] Butcher Shop (+2 HD) Keeps meat for later consumption. Big, even for an ogre.

[9] Blood Barrels (Can wash self in lair to instantly heal 2d6 hit points if it manages to escape from a losing fight) Doesn't collect body parts, just blood. Lots of it.

[10] Pyramid Of Severed Heads (Add “Reasonable” to front of alignment) Pretty well adjusted, honestly. I mean humans do this too, so you can't really hate the guy.

(Optional) Ogre Quirk – Roll 1d6

Only add a quirk if your Ogre is too boring, or if this is like the “leader” of a group of more generic ogres that you want to spice up a bit.

[1] Cage (Holds prisoner) Can carry around a prisoner in a wicker cage on its back.

[2] Hunter (Throws a 1d8 boar spear at start of combat) Wears pelts of beasts it strangled to death.

[3] Huge Nose (+2 in 6 chance to avoid surprise; can smell hiding people) Knows you're there.

[4] Superstitious (+2 to spell saves, Can be turned as an undead of equal HD) Fears the wrath of the Gods for its sinful life. Throws a pinch of bone dust over its shoulder when it witnesses a spell.
[5] Witch (Knows one random 1^st level spell; casts once per day) Wears a long robe or huge hat. Always speaks in rhyme, or hoards knuckle bones and must count them if spilled.

[6] Fat Ogre Shit (MUs must save to cast first spell) Lair is filled with very large, even for an ogre, piles of feces. Stings your throat; save to speak a spell without choking on poop fumes.

What's the last way somebody tricked it? - Roll 1d8

[1] Told it that they'll bring a fatter family member along if they are set free.

[2] Held up two small black stones and claimed to have plucked out the Ogre's eyes.

[3] Somebody came in with a sash that said “Ogre Proof” on it.

[4] Victim asked for a game to decide their fate. Ogre agreed. Game was “who can sleep longest”.

[5] Elf complimented the Ogre over and over, made them blush and ignore that they escaped.

[6] Traded a sack of gold for a sack of silver. Told to pee on the coins to make them yellow.

[7] Said they'd scream and cause an avalanche if the Ogre didn't free them- they were uphill.

[8] Ogre ate a traveler's rice; was told  it would expand in their stomach if they moved around. The Ogre laid down and tried not to explode as the traveler made off with their treasure.

What's this Ogre called? (Roll twice on Name and combine. "Name-Name the Title" )

#	Name	Title
1	Gruk	The Chopper
2	Borg	The Bloodletter
3	Larr	The Gluttonous
4	Tog	The Debased
5	Vur	The Mighty
6	Uggo	The Terrible
7	Bool	The Vile
8	Rok	The Brute
9	Ack	The Smasher
10	Wergg	The Meanie

Ask a Ninja Implied Setting

Recently, I went back to watch some of the classic Ask a Ninja web videos. They make for easy viewing. While to some of you this will make you sound old (Or perhaps make me seem too young), I am very nostalgic towards the Ask a Ninja and similar old internet stuff. Is it fair to call it old? It's 15 years old, that's old enough for me to call it old and be nostalgic about it, ok?

However as I watched, I quite enjoyed thinking about the “Ask a Ninja” implied setting that is built out of the jokes and the “Ninja worldbuilding” that, intentionally or otherwise, the creator of that old series sprinkled throughout the video.

The Ninja World

In Ask a Ninja, Ninjas are seen as this sort of greater then human super force. Ancient, essentially untouchable, but also privy to a secondary secret world. Certain media like the Shadow Warrior games or Big Trouble in Little China kind of paw at the same idea of a mystic, often very “oriental” mystic world just beneath our more banal, normal ones. For example, there is a spirit realm with more powerful creatures or ghost beings that Ninjas also can travel to.

In Ask a Ninja, this world is described by both describing the type of life Ninjas lead as well as the threats they faced. Our Ninja describes killing normal people as kind of boring, they prefer to kill things like sixteen foot tall viking swordmasters- other ninja monsters include Chimerathon, or a chimera that is 26.2 miles long.

However there is a great degree of implication that the Ninjas lead a relatively normal modernized life underneath it; or have a rather normal community underneath the constant death. Or at the very least, they take it in stride. They attend conventions (Killacon) and have Ninja funerals where everyone is trying to kill each other. They have pets (dragons) or regular pets and teach them tricks (like how to run through walls). Ninjas kill anywhere from a dozen to tens of thousands of people a day, which seem to intermingle with their daily chores or other activities.

Despite this, there is also seemingly a bit of structure to all of this. The International Order of Ninjas seems to have some kind of bureaucratic control over Ninja activities, and Ninjas are still tasked with killing certain individuals despite how seemingly easy it would be given their numerous abilities.

Overpowered Ninjas

The Ninjas as described in Ask a Ninja are incredibly overpowered. The simple entry process for new Ninjas to become Ninjas are several impossible feats. Running through a blizzard without getting hit by a single snowflake, turn sideways to hide in the wind, and know trillions of ways to kill people. It is unknown if these traits are inherent to people who become Ninjas, or if these and more abilities are learned through Ninja training or “Ninternships”.

Our Ninja states that he sustains himself on the universal concept of health instead of eating food, and keeps his grass clipped through intimidation. (Which is hard to do, since grass has been around a long time). He also states that the only way to become a Ninja is to be born a Ninja, but you can also apply to become one and go through Ninja training. I kind of like this as it seems more egalitarian then most fantasy hidden-worlds. Even in something like Harry Potter you have to technically be born a Wizard, and WoD tends to give out its empowerments through those who are cursed or randomly. Ask a Ninja feels a bit more like something that you can just earn by being really badass. I kind of like that.

Ninja Society

Strangely, it seems that Ninjas kill each other almost as much as everyone else. Beyond the International Order of Ninjas and the Code of the Ninja, Ninjas seem to live extremely free lives only limited by their own power or ability to fight back against the other forces around them. When asked “How to kill a Ninja”, our Ninja doesn't really explain as the message is highly censored, but it seems like Ninjas kill each other all the time with ease. This seems to me like his message on how to kill a Ninja was directed at us mere mortals who could never match an assassin of death.

Now it does raise the question; how does a society of superhuman killers get along at all? Well, it could be explained in two ways. Since Ninjas are said to be able to meditate into other dimensions and the like, it is entirely possible Ninjas can come back from death. Of course, this concept kind of falls flat when you consider how central the idea of killing someone is to a Ninja. The other and more logical way is through blood feuds and mutually assured destruction. Any Ninja who kills another is risking the wrath of their entire clan, and it seems like Ninjas are prepared for that- specifically in the “How to Kill a Ninja”- the Ninjas specifically try to take out as many members of the dead Ninja's family as possible when they kill the widow, possibly to stop revenge killings?

Conclusions
Ask a Ninja fits perfectly in the "slightly tongue-in-cheek" but still kind of cool form of modern fantasy worldbuilding. I think it would even fit well as a kind of World of Darkness splat in a sense; super powered ninjas told to take out targets for inscrutable ends. I could easily see it being converted into a kind of simple, improv storygame kind of thing. Like "how do you kill that guy, John?" And he'll say "by hitting him with my fingertips to strike his pressure points, and then he explodes!" That kind of thing would ACTUALLY fit into the Ask a Ninja setting really well. Perhaps the game could be more based on the concept who acted the most Ninjaish instead of having a traditional threat or overarching plot-the Ninjas can't really die or lose unless since they choose too, since they're so sneaky and strong, so the context of the game is totally different. 

 

As for taking the concept to other places; I think as far as Worldbuilding goes, the above setting has some interesting ideas. It reminds me of Big Trouble in Little China and Mortal Kombat; it has an air of the mystic east, a form of orientalism, and a mixing of the grounded real world with a more supernatural fantastical world that makes you want to explore it more.

 

I really didn't know where this post came from and I don't know how to end it. Just wanted to share a piece of internet nostalgia with you.

Kenshi - The Wrong Headcanon

So before I start writing this; I want to make it clear- this is my headcanon lore for a game that is absolutely 100% wrong. See, when I first started playing Kenshi a few years ago, I played it from time to time. But the world of Kenshi is really weird and unique, and for whatever reason I began to make up a "story" all on my own. But here's the thing- the game already has lore. It already has a background story that is quite interesting on its own involving a cycle of falling empires, a race of machines, and so on. For this blogpost, we won't be discussing any of it- so you can consider this spoiler free.

In the end, my headcanon explanation for the world and what was going on in it was totally shot to hell because of it, so I ended up not writing this blogpost. But then I realized it doesn't really matter- as its just a headcanon. Maybe this concept is something that a out-of-touch noble of the United Cities thought up in their spare time, where as a faction like the Tech Hunters would be more "in the know" and know that none of this is true. Still, maybe you can enjoy this wrong headcanon.

Kenshi Origins
The world of Kenshi is set on a moon. It orbits a great gas giant. The moon has a decent amount of water and a breathable atmosphere. While the most ignorant of souls in the world of Kenshi might think this planet is all there is, or the center of the universe, most with at least some scientific education know otherwise.

Think about it- there are advanced machines still running hundreds of years after whatever destroyed the world (and let's face it- it is destroyed, there are ruins everywhere. Ancient blades and armor are better then our new stuff- they wouldn't live and scrounge among ruins like we do). Technology has clearly regressed. Most people would know that Kenshi's planet is not the origin of intelligent life on it. It is clear that life has come from somewhere else- travelling on spaceships.

Dotted around Kenshi's planet are massive superstructures. Some of them are so big entire towns can be fit inside. Huge piles of scrap metal that look part of an even larger structure. What possible weapon or machine could these be a part of? At the size and shape they are; the only real explanation is that they are part of great world-vessels, huge starships meant to ferry many living things or people across vast distances in space. Therefore, people didn't originate here, they came here through space. But something went wrong; the spaceships they lived on in orbit around the moon started to fail. They had to land on the planet- the spider bots and bases may have been their first outposts the original people lived in before their technology and knowledge was slowly lost.

Kenshi Races
The world of Kenshi has a few different intelligent races. There are four- Humans, Shek, Hive, and Skeletons (Robots). While the skeletons are artificial and could not have come about naturally, the other races/species leave more up to questions.

Firstly; Humans. Humans don't really look like anything else on the Kenshi planet. There are two subraces of humans; Greenlanders, and Scorchlanders. They are both humans, but have different skin colors and slightly different stat and skill growths. This indicates that these people did not originate from the Kenshi homeworld, and are instead the original race of interstellar travelers. The two races appeared later- Scorchlanders created themselves using advanced genetic engineering after the planet-ships crashed to better survive the wastes.

Second; Shek. Shek look like humans (and even call themselves humans in some dialogue events, but it is unclear if this is an oversight), but are covered in bone plates and are very physically strong. In fact, their appearance is similar to many of the animals on Kenshi's world. This would indicate that they are more naturally from the world? Wrong.

The animals of Kenshi come in different categories. Three species in particular match real-world animals we know of; goats, bulls, and dogs. These animals look like Earthling animals to an extant, but with bone plates similar to those the Shek have. This shows that these animals are also artificial; genetically modified and created to live on the planet with the Shek. It could be the Shek were created as a primitive culture, to either be studied by the advanced humans living in orbit, or to help the early colonization of the planet, as there is no better way to destroy harmful megafauna then to create early hominids and let them run amok for a few thousand years. But the Shek, being primitive and aggressive, were never meant to last. They were supposed to be wiped out or uplifted after a certain point, to ready the planet for human colonization.

Next are the Hive. The Hive don't look like any other races and don't have sex (well technically they have Queens- but we won't talk about that here). Instead, they don't look like any other race. The Hive look like some of the native life of Kenshi; baring superficial resemblance to the beak-things, leviathans, etc. They have a similar coloring and skin coatings- the Hive are natives to the planet. Created or uplifted by human involvement; their role was to become differing castes of servants and planet-colonizers. They have castes innate to their biology, and their reproduction via the Queens is clearly augmented by technology.

Finally; the Skeletons. The Skeletons are robots, obviously. Not much needs to be said there. They were created by humans as their various workers or servants. With the ability to gain self awareness, they became their own race since the secrets to building them was lost along with the high tech factories. Any of them you see are basically antiques.

Kenshi Mechanics
Now finally, let's talk about game mechanics. Kenshi's own people wouldn't know about this, but compared to our world, the game mechanics are very unrealistic when compared to our world.

For starters, people in Kenshi can become extremely strong, supernaturally so. Enough to punch metal and take multiple powerful sword blows without serious bodily injury or death. While it is possible to do exercises to become tougher in real life, it's not an infinite scale up- there are limits to how tough flesh and bone can be. In Kenshi, people clearly exceed that level. The same goes for physical strength and speed- with people able to sprint for extended periods while carrying super humanly heavy loads. Finally; limbs can be chopped off and removed. In the real world, people can survive this, so it isn't a huge stretch. With the advanced technology of Kenshi left around in old relics, people can use robotic limbs to replace them. That's sensible. But what isn't so sensible is how quickly people recover from limb loss- both in terms of shock and how quickly they can adapt to having a new limb. The moment they put a new robotic limb on, they can instantly use it as well as their own limbs, with some small negatives to dexterity or highly precise movements like picking locks. How could this be the case?

The answers are simple- and are done in two. First is genetic engineering, and the second is oxygen.

In the real world, humans have evolved to a certain state that we are because of evolution. The truth is humans could be stronger, smarter, taller, etc. But the reason why we aren't is because of the cost- mostly in the form of calories, heat exchange, and childhood development. The square-cube law is a huge bitch anyway. In real evolution, humans had to evolve the correct balance of being useless after being born for a number of years with a payoff, and they had to balance our physical and mental abilities with the amount of food we could realistically get. But once humans gain modern technology, these restrictions become less important. For this reason, I believe the humans (and all races based on them) are highly genetically modified to allow for things like ultra-dense muscle formation, rapid healing, and supernatural levels of cardiovascular conditioning and ability.

But the question is, why do characters start so weak in that case? Simple- humans aren't stupid. Humans know that there is a chance they or their descendants could be trapped on barren planets or stuck in spaceships for many years, and these changes require heavy amounts of calories and proteins to power. As such, you don't start with this level of strength because your body isn't efficient enough. For a highly advanced society that manipulates the genome like clay, there's no reason you can't have both- efficient bodies for emergency situations and survival/regression into a pre-advanced society, and advanced, powerful bodies once agriculture or mechanized society comes around. (The only problem is that characters don't require more food as they get higher stats, which is just a part of the gameplay. Maybe the body-structures are also genetically engineered to be really efficient once set up?)

Finally; there is Oxygen. The Kenshi moon has a lot of oxygen. You can see this because all the metal outside is rusted to hell and there are few plants in most places. This oxygen is terrible for plant life, but great for mammals and other species that breathe oxygen. The fact some creatures can reach such huge sizes and people have such great cardio is directly caused by oxygen. The only places where plant life grows are in swamps, valleys, and other places where carbon dioxide can be found in great quantities- perhaps leaking from the ground from ancient garbage dumps buried from the previous civilization.

Splinter Group Generator

Roll on this generator to create a splinter group of a religious sect, warband, kingdom, evil cult, mage university, or any other organization or group you can think of. You'll have to do a little work, but this allows you to generate a splinter group off of something you've already made.

Reason for the Split? - 1d6

[1] Leader of the original group was an asshole.

[2] Original group became soft/lost their way. (in the eyes of the splinter group, obviously.)

[3] Time and happenstance. Splinter group became isolated, over years became its own thing.

[4] Manipulated by a strong personality within the first group; broke apart to benefit the individual.

[5] Division of ideology- split due to irrevocable differences.

[6] Outside influence tried to split the group to benefit them. Add +1 to Outsider Politics roll.

Ideological Differences? - 1d4

[1] More extreme or legalistic.

[2] Identical to original group- the motivation or the means has been altered.

[3] Slight alterations to core tenets and/or major changes to secondary beliefs/tenents.

[4] Less extreme or legalistic.

Outsider Politics – 1d4

[1] More hostile/intolerant.

[2] More secretive or isolationist.

[3] Less secretive; more open or transparent.

[4] Less hostile; friendlier to outsiders.

[5] Secretly controlled by the original group OR an outsider force trying to undermine the original group.

Feelings towards the original group and/or action against Original Group? - 1d3

[1] Total hatred, up to and including outright war or espionage.

[2] They prefer to pretend they don't exist/irrelevant to our goals.

[3] Pity and disappointment. Willing to rejoin with the original group with conditions.

Splinter Group Motif- 1d4

[1] Corrupted/altered symbol of the original group. Inverted cross, red changed to blue, etc.

[2] Personal symbol of the leader or their family/clan/crest/corporate logo.

[3] Animal or plant that counters the original group's sign. If not applicable, make this symbol a plant/animal that represents their newfound plucky nature.

[4] Symbol that branches off another symbol- represents their origin of branching off a bigger group. If this group is more ideologically extreme then the original group, then they'll claim to be the bigger symbol- they're the actual original group after all.

The Intruder

I can't take the credit for this monster. It's based on a really old creepypasta.

The Intruder

It's like a silhouette of a cat, huge and with unblinking eyes. It will watch you when you arrive home at night- listening closely to the sound of the tumblers in your lock. Trying to scare it away won't work, as it will just return. Nobody else will ever be around to see it; the Intruder is your own personal stalker. Eventually, one night you will hear a key banging around inside your door- that means the key it has made is almost perfected, and it will be able to enter the very next night.

When it arrives, you must turn out all the lights in your house. Only a single candle can be lit- anything more will blind you from how bright all sources of light become once it comes inside. The light of the candle is your only real chance against the monster. Also, others may be present to finally see the being that is haunting you, but they are at risk as the Intruder will kill everyone inside the house on that night when it finally gets inside.

Intruder (6 HD, +8 To-Hit OR +8 AC, 2d8 bite, 1d6 claw, supernatural hearing, light blinding, predator hiss and feline agility)

Morale- 15

The Intruder appears as a dark black cat of variable size. It chooses to stalk and kill one person, though will kill anyone else in the house on the night it makes its attacks. You cannot possibly attack it from stealth as its hearing is supernaturally powerful (it can hear a heartbeat). Once its key fits in your lock and it comes inside, the lights in the house become incredibly bright- a hearth fire becomes so bright as though it was the sun in your room. Electric lights are even worse. Using the light of a torch or Light spell would just blind you- fight as though you are blinded. Anything more then a single candle will be too blinding, though this light has no negative effect on the Intruder.

The Intruder is incredibly strong and agile. Its body is almost impossible to be damaged- except for right before it attacks. Every round the Intruder will alternate between preparing to strike, and then striking and retreating. Right before it attacks- it lets out an unnerving hiss and gains +8 To-Hit. It then attacks with its bite attack, and the next round gains +8 AC and will retreat while using only its claw attack. This switching pattern is the one saving grace of trying to fight an intruder.

10 Ways to Stop the Worlds Most Evil Dog

Idea shamelessly expanded upon from here.

10 Ways to Stop the Worlds Most Evil Dog

[1] Just shoot it with an arrow you fucking dumbshit.

[2] It's only ever been a “bad dog”. It just needed to be called a good boy.

[3] Name level Monk must deploy the Quivering Bellyrub; purifies the dog's toxic chakra.

[4] Find the world's only Good Cat.

[5] Teach it archery. Sounds like a terrible idea, but it's a good outlet. The dog's really just bored.

[6] Find it's master. The dog ran away. It's owner is the kindest old lady you'll ever meet.

[7] Slip a magical Collar of Reverse Alignment around its neck.

[8] You must call the celestial dog-catcher down from heaven.

[9] Witch needs to brew a potion of eternal sleep and mix it with a treat. The dog can smell poison but it likes drugs, so after it eats it the dog will go curl up somewhere and sleep forever.

[10] Let it gnaw on the handle of the Sword of Truth. It feels bad about it- the first time it ever felt remorse. The handle of the sword will always be a bit slobbery though.

10 Magical Cookware Items

These are 10 cooking utensils used by cook-casters and Meal Magicians. Yes I know one of your players wanted to play a Kitchen Wizard, don't lie. Everyone has once. Also; you can finally use this as a unique loot table for whenever the players raid the obligatory kitchen area in a dungeon.

[1] Adamantine Wok

This giant metal pot with sloped sides is made of adamantine. Besides being both unbreakable and scratch proof, the adamantine actually disperses and transfers heat incredibly well- this leads the pot to have excellent cooking ability. You can't burn or overcook specific items in your pot- grant advantage to all cooking rolls or whatever for using this pot. Also water boils super fast too- you can boil water in less then a turn, so assume any rest period you have sanitized water even from a dingy small flame.

You can also use this as a +2 magic shield in a pinch that grants you +2 AC. Small beings like halflings or kobolds could also use this like a sled or be carried around in it like if they're injuried, or they could like cower under it like a protective dome which will make them immune to all damage unless somebody pulls the wok up.

[2] Death Whisk

It's a metal whisk. The handle is steel and the long prongs stick out in a geometric pattern. Most medievaly people would just use wooden twigs if they need a whisk, so this metal whisk is unusual in the fantasy world.

Beyond being a useful kitchen appliance to create froth and batter- this whisk is also a deadly weapon. But only to creates that could be added to the whisk's mixture. Tiny gremlins, bugs, shrimp and the like could be added to a batter and spun up. The whisk magically melts them into the mixture- creating both an edible and kind of gross slurry of meat and body parts. Even without a mixing bowl, you could slash this whisk around against a swarm of insects and create a black, fluffy cream.

[3] Basilisk Oil

While this technical isn't a piece of cooking “equipment”, it is both a useful tool in the kitchen as well as an ingredient. Made from a basilisk, obviously. When you loot this, you find a bottle with about a year supply if only used sparingly and/or on dungeon expeditions. It also doesn't go bad either, so even centuries old bottles are still fresh and have a unique but pleasing “reptile” odor to them.

The basilisk oil has two functions. First, it can be heated to insanely high temperatures and it doesn't explode when water or wet food is added to it like normal oil- making it very safe. No need to roll a saving throw to avoid starting a huge cooking fire. This heat also makes it incredibly dangerous if you actually threw it on somebody as an improvised weapon- deal 1d8+1 fire damage if you throw this wok up in some monster's face.

The second ability of the basilisk oil is that it works as a magical depetrification spell effect, but only on things you intend to cook. You couldn't bring back the stone victims of a basilisk, but you could eat any pieces of the statue you break off and deep fry in the oil.

[4] Silver Ladle

This magical ladle is made of silver. As silver, it has powerful properties against negative magic and toxic substances. This ladle has two abilities. First- if placed inside a stew or broth which has been poisoned, the holder of the ladle will automatically know it was poisoned- the ladle's handle will vibrate secretly in their hand, with a more powerful vibration the more powerful the poison.

The second ability of the ladle is that it can concentrate poison. If placed into a container of water and the magic words are spoken aloud, it will suck up all the poison within the container of liquid into the ladle itself, which is lifted out of the soup. The ladle will have all the poison and the soup or liquid will be safe to drink- the ladle will have concentrated poison which can be applied to your weapons or stored in a vial without losing any potency. The faded magic words are written along the length of the handle and can be deciphered by anyone who can read ancient runes; it roughly translates to “Mother knows best.”

[5] Devil's Cookbook

The classic evil magic culinary artifact. It is a heavy ancient tome bound in red leather. All of the pages are blank. If you spill the blood of a creature onto the page, the blood of that creature will form into letters and pictures which details recipes on how to cook it. The more blood is spilled, the more detailed and delicious the recipes become.

The book is found with all blank pages, and it has 111 pages. If you fill up all the pages with blood, the devil will appear in your dreams to offer you the second volume. For this volume, it requires blood as well as urine of each creature. For the next volume, more bodily fluids, and so on and so on. Obviously, there are six volumes, and the degenerate scrumptious feasts of the final volume are a highly prized arcane secret.

[6] Elven Cheesecloth

This is a light gray, silvery cheesecloth made of magical elvish Glint. This cloth is used to form incredibly long lasting, delicate, and delicious cheeses. As long as any item of food is wrapped in this cloth (not just cheese) it will never spoil or go bad. The same applies to drinks if this is used to plug up the bottle, but wine does not age while stuffed as the seal is too magically perfect and the wine is too perfectly preserved to age properly. However, if this cheesecloth is used on anything other then cheese, it has a 1 in 6 chance to fall apart and be destroyed when the item is unwrapped.

The magical cheesecloth can also be used as a filter. If used to strain nuts, juices, or other fluids it can purify them to a magical degree. You could also use this as a make-shift filter for blood- draining the blood of a victim infected with a disease, running it through the cloth, and then having them drink the blood again will have a 1 in 6 chance to purify their blood disease. Once again, this is an “improper” use for this Glint item, and as such it will have a 1 in 6 chance to permanently ruin it for using it as an impromptu medical item.

[7] Blast Kettle

This kettle is made of a heavy iron, dark in color, and very dense. However it is also very insulated and feels warm to the touch- hot water put within seems to last for hours, making it a very good source of heat in a very cold place. The kettle will also repair itself magically- dents or shards broken off will slowly form together back in place when nobody is looking- pieces seem to just reappear back together in a little pile of metal shards. With the helpful hand of a person trying to fix it; pieces will snap back into place if just put in the right spots. As such, its essentially indestructible.

Because of these two properties- the blast kettle has found itself with a strange use. If filled with boiling hot water and then the hole is closer by its valve, the heat and pressure will build up inside and it can be thrown like a bomb. The hot water and steam explosion deal 1d4+1 damage to all adjacent enemies to where you throw it. Then, once the bomb has gone off, you can pick up a few of the bigger pieces and just put it in a bag and wait for it to magically put itself back together again.

[8] Striking Chef Hat

This is a bright red chef's hat, which gives the impression of a powerful, high ranking chef. Wearing this hat counts as a +1 magic piece of armor granting +1 AC. This bonus only applies as long as the person wearing it is clean and orderly- food or blood splatter will spoil the magic until they are totally clean and respectable again.

This chef's hat also has a special ability. Once per day, the wearer can cast a Command spell, but only for actions related to cooking. For example, they could command an orc holding a pan to start scrubbing it, and the Orc would squat over the campfire while trying to scrub the pan clean against their will, screaming for help as their body serves the magician. Another is to force an enemy to start oiling themselves up with sauce, which would make them be more appetizing to a dungeon monster. This ability only works against intelligent opponents- but can work on animals or monsters who actually "cook" or prepare their food.

[9] Vegan Cleaver

The weapon appears as a large butcher's cleaver, capable of cutting through tough slabs of meat or even bones. Essentially it acts as a +1 magic sword. It has a green colored metal blade with a white, diamond encrusted cutting edge and a floral motif etched along the spine of the blade. Stats as a +1 magic sword, so 1d6+1 damage.

The cleaver has a special effect over all meat it severs. Every body part chopped off by this cleaver or any piece of prepared meat butchered with it magically transforms into a plant-based material similar to tofu or roughage. Blood seeps out as sap, bones become like hard shoots, skin becomes like a leaf wrap. The meat maintains its same color and look, it's just become edible for herbivores. Also, any body chopped up by this spell becomes useless for traditional necromancy, though druidic magic could rise it against as a deadfall/walking wood style undead being instead.

[10] Cursed Butterchurn

This large wooden butterchrun is used to create butter. It is a plunger type that requires a bit of elbow grease to fully use. It smells a bit off and the touch of a Sage can clearly feel that it has been cursed by dark magic. Nonetheless, it can still be useful in some situations to those who know how to make use of the curse.

Normally, a butterchrun is plunged to turn milk into butter. This butterchurn instead begins to putrefy any milk put into it and churned, making it chunky and disgusting. If it is continued to turn for a full three exploration turns, the milk will change from butter into a protoplasm putrid slime with 2+2 HD and an acid attack that deals 1d6 damage on a hit. The slime is mindless and will seep out of the butterchurn as soon as it is opened again. You can hold the butterchurn by the handle like a two handed weapon and bop and enemy on the head to release the slime on them.