TF2 Mercenary Generator

In this episode of "I thought I wrote this blogpost like 5 times over the past decade this blog has been around", I could have sworn I made this before. But time and time again I realize I never actually did. Time to amend that.

Team Fortress Mercenary Generator -
 (Roll Once per category unless otherwise stated)

Combat Role (Roll 1d10)
[1] Reconnaissance
[2] Mobile Infantry
[3] Shock-Troop / Terror Weapon
[4] Demolition
[5] Heavy Weapons
[6] Combat-Engineering
[7] Medic
[8] Long Range Specialist
[9] Espionage
[10] New Role. Roll again for general category (1-3 Offensive, 4-6 Defensive, 7-9 Support, 10 for an irregular) If you can't think of anything, make a Generalist.

Primary Weapon (Roll 1d8)
[1] Explosive
[2] Projectile (Non-Explosive)
[3] Shotgun
[4] Rifle
[5] Machine Gun
[6] Liquid / Gas "Thrower" Weapon
[7] Actually, their Melee is their main weapon. No primary weapon, secondary for ranged.
[8] Crucial gadget, tool, or piece of apparel that defines their Role. Roll 1d6 on the Secondary table for their main weapon they actually use to fight with.

Secondary Weapon (Roll 1d8)
[1] Sidearm (Pistol)
[2] Shotgun
[3] SMG
[4] Throwable
[5] Explosive
[6] Mobility or Escape Tool that accents their Role.
[7] Deployable Trap / Gadget that accents their Role.
[8] Roll again on Primary table and they just straight up get another one; because their "role" is to be overpowered and they just get two strong weapons, like Demoman.

Melee Weapon (Roll 1d6)
[1] Non-combat tool related to their Role
[2] Non-combat tool related to their Nationality
[3] Weapon related or often paired to their Role
[4] Traditional/Historical/Iconic weapon related to their Nationality
[5] Scavenged or Improvised
[6] Impracticable or Gag Weapon (or bare hands)

Class Gameplay Gimmick (Roll 1d8)
[1] Have innate immunity to something related to their role; like fall damage, drowning, fire, etc.
[2] Have an innate ability related to movement. (Double jump, slide, going prone, etc.)
[3] Tanky class or has an innate mechanic improving survivability.
[4] Have a powerful ability related to their role that has to charge up. Ubercharge.
[5] MAIN weapon has a very useful and/or interesting alt-fire.
[6] Class has to gather a resource for optimal play. (Metal, organs, heads, etc.)
[7] One or more of their items have a strong sci-fi twist. "Spytech".
[8] Has a subclass-defining unlockable for one of their weapon slots that totally changes how the class plays. If you can't think of anything, then they have a really funny taunt kill instead.

Art @Valve obviously. Check out the released concept art if you haven't!

Nationality / Stereotype Table (Roll 1d50)
[1] Russian.
[2] Unknown, but seem rich & old money. Transatlantic accent, like an old movie.
[3] American. Southern. (Cowboy)
[4] American. Southern. (Cajun or Redneck)
[5] American. Boston.
[6] American. Chicago.
[7] American. Northern; Minnesota accent.
[8] American. New Yorker.
[9] American. California. Hippy.
[10] Native American. Yes with the "How" and the feather. Stereotypical but it's TF2.
[11] Canadian.
[12] Quebecois. Their only joke is getting offended by being called Canadian.
[13] Mexican. Desperado type. Poncho and sombrero, all that.
[14] Mexican. The exotic, passionate revolutionary type.
[15] Hawaiian.
[16] British. Posh.
[17] British. Cockney or "chav".
[18] Welsh. Their only joke is nobody understands what they're saying.
[19] Scottish.
[20] Irish, but mystical and Celtic and might be a Tuatha fairy person.
[21] Irish, but normal.
[22] French.
[23] Spanish.
[24] German.
[25] Italian; roll 1d2 for spicy meatball type or cool mafioso type.
[26] Swiss. Only joke is "not so neutral now, huh?"
[27] Brazilian.
[28] Polish.
[29] Finnish or other European micronation. Only joke; "nobody knows my country exists"
[30] Turkish.
[31] Egyptian. Has the kohl eyepaint and everything.
[32] Romani or "Gypsy" stereotype
[33] Arabic.
[34] Israeli.
[35] Greek.
[36] Sicilian.
[37] North African. 
[38] South African.
[39] Indian.
[40] Chinese. If you roll this a second time make the 2nd Merc from Taiwan for the banter.
[41] Australian.
[42] Mongolian. Has to have at least one taunt with throat singing.
[43] Korean. Might be North Korean spy.
[44] Japanese.
[45] Japanese. "Honorable Samurai" type and still pissed at WW2 given TF2's time period.
[46] Malaysia, Papua New Guinea or Sentinelese Islander. Only joke is cannibal.
[47] Swedish.
[48] Norwegian.
[49] Danish.
[50] Roll on Special Background Table.

Special Background Table (Roll 1d8)
[1] From the lost underwater nation of New Zealand.
[2] Wears a total body-concealing suit related to their role. True origin is a mystery.
[3] Unfrozen caveman. Go unga bunga. (or maybe the last yeti Saxon missed?)
[4] Very obvious vampire.
[5] Not so obvious time traveler. Gets confused about the TF2 time period, reveals future events in voicelines, but in a subtle and cool way. Spytech is just "normaltech" to them.
[6] Roll again on the Nationality table, but with a widely unexpected race, age, or phenotype.
[7] Roll again on the Nationality table, but this time... they're a woman!!! If you were planning on doing female Mercs anyway, then add some kind of disability like being blind, prosthetic, etc. instead.
[8] Roll again on the Nationality table, but they are even more stereotypical and have an even more outrageous accent. Are actually a spy for another Mercenary company undercover; poorly.

Character Personality Gimmick (Roll 1d10)
[1] Has a stable family, romantic interest, and mentally healthy. Extremely weird for TF2 Mercs.
[2] Has a little pet related to their Nationality or Role, carried in a special cage or pocket.
[3] Has a budding bromance with another class.
[4] Has an unhealthy obsession & rivalry with another class.
[5] Has a verbal tic or stutter or talk with a robot voice or whatever.
[6] Complains about an old war wound or is heavily scarred/burned.
[7] Has an artistic hobby unrelated to their work. Flipflops between terrible and really good.
[8] Extra substance abuse OR irrational phobia of something dumb like clowns or axe-wielding headless horsemen with flaming pumpkins for a head.
[9] Class gameplay gimmick is integral to the character's background, lore, or motivation. For example, their abilities are from a cursed bloodline, or they invented their Spytech gadget, etc.
[10] Obsessed with a food item related to their Nationality or cultural background. One of their unlocks is that food item, which provides appropriate buffs or benefits.

Example Generations- 

Russian Medic with Shotgun primary, explosive secondary,  Cossack shashka melee sword. Spytech gimmick. Phobia of spiders(?)
Throws healing bombs that blow up to burst heal. Radiation shotgun unlockable called "Kovarex Process" which shoots healing radiation bullets in a vertical spread sci-fi gun. Pinecone jelly unlockable which grants overheal and regular heal at the same time but much less. Stock shotgun. Klevet warhammer deals crit damage to those launched by healing bombs into the air like a reverse Market Gardener?

Chicagoan Long-Range Specialist with explosive primary, throwable secondary, gag weapon (pizza spatula), with an innate movement ability. Obsessed with foot (pizza) pizza unlockable regens.
Mortar bomber with metal implants in spine, can go into ragdoll when in the air to become immune to fall damage and fly faster ie; mortar jumping. Secondary undecided, probably an M79.

Cannibal Mobile-Infantry with Melee primary, mobility secondary, and impracticable/gag-weapon/barehands melee, spytech gimmick. Food obsession gimmick is people of course lmao.
Flies around with techno claws that rend opponents and give dash attacks like Psylocke from Marvel Rivals. Focus as "infantry" means frontline so probably needs some lifesteal or something but the dash and some free overheal can help.

12 Shawls & Scarves that are actually cool creatures

Free Hireling (w/ random rolled stats)

12 Neck-Pets
[1] Pocket Ferret. Playful and cuddly. Sleeps on your shoulders but can be coaxed into crawling on people and stealing things straight out of their pockets. Very smart and well trained, but greedy for treats.

[2] Seadragon. Looks like a leafy bit of seaweed or kelp held around the neck, but will put its head up and shoots explosive 1d4 damage bubbles that knock people back if it's master is threatened. Can't survive out of water without a good spell on it.

[3] Feathered Serpent. Bites the end of its tail like a clasp around the neck, otherwise looks like a feather boa. Can fly and spits feverish poison that turns your whole body red and cooks the hair off your scalp. You can survive it by being submerged in water but it'll boil anything smaller then a pond.

[4] Caterpillar. Not good for much but awfully cute and lovable. Keeps you warm in cold climates, consider it as good as a heavy winter coat. After 2d6 seasons of feeding and taking care of it, it inexplicable curls into a hardened cocoon, emerges in 2d6 days, and gives one last look of recognition of its owner being flying off into the sky. You will never see it again.

[5] Vine-strangler. Covered in flowers and green vines which look more like oiled threads. Wraps tightly around anyone else who doesn't smell like its owner, so no touching.

[6] Paper Chain. Looks like the classic people holding hands but will "flip" its appearance and color based on the situation. May looks like villagers dancing one minute, but the next time you get into combat it will look like a bunch of orcs and skeletons slashing each other with axes. The wearer can't be Charmed or Confused while wearing this; the little papers take the brunt of the spells, turning into kissing (or fucking) paper doll figures or dancing around with mugs like some demented craft project.

[7] Living Poppet. Shawls of simple, frayed cloth at the ends, plush head and hands that flatten in fear, clutching close to its owner. You probably made this as a kid and it came to life, even if you don't remember it. Too wholesome to steal or fight anything, but can talk in a tiny whisper (but only to you), usually whatever it is afraid of at the moment is right around the corner. +1 to not be surprised.

[8] Flamingo. Really, really skinny. Beak can break open tough shrimps and crabs, probably works on locks too.

[9] Spiderweb shawl. Looks like something a Drow would wear. Can be used as rope and a net with strong and sticky strands. The "creature" that lives in the web isn't actually a spider, it's a poor little moth that was cursed to be trapped in this spider web and can't get out no matter what you try. Probably made by a Giant Evil Spider.

[10] Sky Ray. Silky gray leather cowl that is actually a magical flying version of a manta ray. Can't actually attack, but getting one of these things loosed at your head is a really good way of interrupting rival magic users while you blast them.

[11] Furry Longspider. It's a more "cute" and "approachable" type of arachnid with long fluffy legs and a small little fat body and a cute little set of horrifying eyes. It's body can fit in the palm of your hands but it's legs are about as long as your arm. It's venom causes paralysis on a bite or poisoned blade after 1d4 turns of application; evolved to bite itself to go to sleep after meals which is why its so limp and fine with being carried around on someone's neck.

[12] Flatbear. Exactly what it sounds like.

Six Desperate but Heroic Lords

[1] Sir Gridwane of The Fens
HD- 10 AC- 15

Attacks- 2 w/ Bow (d6+1) or 2 w/ Sword (d6)

Special- Move Thru. Underbrush / Immune to Entangle

Tall and clad in gray-green light armor with tree motif. Perfect salt & pepper hair. Joined by twelve Fighting-Men, all in light armor and trained with swords and bows. They like their bows more then their swords. Two are elves. Gridwane also has a magic bow (+1) and a magic cloak which lets him slip through bushes and thorns like they weren't even there.

Sir Gridwane is a kindly lord of a forested land; well connected to nature and the animals of the land. He's here because his grandmother got fused to a tree. That's not unusual where he is from, it's just he doesn't have enough money to make her comfortable right now so a little treasure would go a long way. If you help him out he'll teach you how to make you acorn ale.

[2] Dragonlord of Highguard
HD- 12 AC- 18
Attacks- One w/ Flame Greatsword (d12+1 Fire Dmg)
Special- Immune to Fire, Commands Kobolds

Dazzling armor, emblazoned with red and gold. Dragon's face carved into the helmet. His armor is magic and gives him immunity to fire and also prevents him from aging. No shield. He is imbued with dragon-power and kobolds will always surrender to him and obey his commands- unless a true dragon is nearby and says otherwise. Currently accompanied by 2d20 Kobolds.

The Dragonlord is a dragon rider and very powerful. However, his last dragon mount died and now he's stuck here and can't fly back to his homeland which is only accessible by things that can fly. Looking for a juvenile dragon to train or a dragon egg to raise up if he has to. Will also settle for a gryphon.

[3] Two-Ton Lo Chi
HD- 15 AC- 12
Attacks- One w/ Strong-Iron Kanabo (d10) or Roll-Over (d4)
Special- Drunken master, Roll-Over

Outrageously fat lord from a far away rice kingdom. Wears a green robe with dragon design- his belly poking out. No armor or helmet- only gauntlets to protect his hands. Currently guarded by six elite samurai and shadowed by an elite ninja who wants to kill him. He can smash you with a Kanabo but can also use Roll-Over to literally roll over your square and behind you instead of attacking for a turn, letting him escape if he's cornered or flanked. It only does 1d4 damage and knocks you prone but you're basically getting flattened by a sweaty sumo wrestler so it isn't a fun experience.

Two-Ton Lo Chi's land is in disarray after his clan's sacred Jade Mirror was broken. Looking for something very reflective to serve as a replacement. Anything from a mirror shield, really shiny sword, silver goblet, etc. will suffice. If you help him, he'll give you a magical healing gourd from his land. The gourd need only be filled with water and after 1 day will become a healing elixir that restores 1d4 hit points- this can be done an infinite number of times. If your party seems morally dubious the ninja will offer you fifty thousand gold to help kill the lord instead.

[4] Master of Malsits
HD- 9 AC- 14
Attacks- One w/ Ebony Blade (d8+1) and One w/ Dueling Dagger (d4)
Special- Ambidextrous, +2 To Saves, Healing Potion

Slender, black leather. Moves like a cat. Silver braclets. Sword is made of black-metal and razor sharp- counts as a magic sword +1. Dueling dagger used for parries and rapid stabs. Can attack two separate people every turn in melee, or can use his dueling dagger at add its damage roll to his AC for one round. Carries a potent healing potion which restores 2d8 Hit-Points and can drink it while still attacking or blocking with his other hand- will attempt to drink the potion when at or below half health.

Dark and brooding, but holds to his word and a unwavering slayer of evil beings. Very wealthy and feels bad about flaunting it, despite his advisors constantly telling him to keep up appearances as a lord like him should. Still unmarried. Currently here seeking a specific family heirloom; without which he cannot have children and his family will end. Real name Jeffery. If you help him get the heirloom back he'll kill any one person in the world for you as a favor.

[5] Lady Johanna Umbal
HD- 7 AC- 14
Attacks- One w/ Glass Sword (d8)
Special- Destroys Illusions, Sworn-Protectors

Strong warrior-woman lord of an island nation. Her sword is made of blue-green glass and cuts through illusions, glamors, false walls, and all manner of magical trickery. She wears chain armor with a black symbol to represent her house of the black soil- volcanic island with extremely fertile farmlands. She is joined by her four younger brothers- her sworn protectors who are immune to all first level spells in exchange for their vows of celibacy, silence, sobriety, and vegetarian diet.

Johanna is a strict no-nonsense type and wastes no time in explaining her situation. Her island is sinking into the ocean and will be completely flooded in five years if she doesn't find something truly unbreakable and unmoving to act as its new foundation- a unmovable rod or something of a similar size made of adamantine (like a sword). If you help Lady Johanna, she will give her sworn protectors to you, who will be sworn to serve you dutifully for one year and a day in her stead. One of the younger brothers is a weak link and will easily break all of his vows if offered a night on the town; thus making all of the brothers lose out on their magical protection.

[6] Sir Olan of House Shian
HD- 6 AC- 18+

Attacks- One w/ Shield Bash (d6)
Special- Greatshield, Damage Block, Great Steed

Very old and frail man dressed in livery. He's shrunken considerably in his old age and his armor doesn't fit very well. Carries a shield bigger then he is; inscribed with a magic rune which glows when facing a foe. This shield grants tremendous protection from all attacks in a 180 degree angle coming at him. Sir Olan can also summon his horse, a huge black beast named Siegebreaker. This horse can outrun any normal horse and ignores caltrops- it can only be harmed by magic weapons.

Sir Olan is here seeking treasure to buy a cure for his daughter's illness. It's extremely expensive. If you go with him and give him the best cut of the treasure, he'll give you Siegebreaker.

Four (Mid-Level) Characters from the Noble Houses

Roll d4 to get a random hireling, replacement PC, or rival NPC adventurer.

[1] Ambrose - 4th level Fighter
Stats- +1 Str, -1 Wis, +1 Cha

Young, honorable Fighting-Man belonging to the House of Tanner. He wears an enchanted red leather vest that grants protection equivalent to chainmail (+6 AC) without the normal stealth or encumbrance penalties. He is skilled with axes and swords, and usually carries one of each. For blunt attacks- he uses the butt of the axe as a club and due to his skill, this has no penalty for being an improvised attack due to his skill.

Ambrose is a young, slightly ambitious warrior who seeks to protect people from monsters and dark magic. He is somewhat ignorant of the world and wants to get more experience; though his fighting skills are those of someone clearly very talented; they outpace his experience. As with all members of the House of Tanner, he is instilled with the virtues of loyalty, honor, and humility. If and when recruited, add +1 loyalty.

[2] Presida - 6th level Rogue
Stats- +1 Dex, +1 Int

Presida is an effective, non-nonsense type. She belongs to the House of Ventan. She is clearly a woman with at least a drop of noble blood in her veins- beyond being beautiful she is highly competent and skilled at what she does with seemingly little effort; but this is a false persona. She is actually very dedicated behind the scenes- building a gymnasium underneath her home filled with traps and tripewires to practice her skills.

Due to her highly disciplined lifestyle and training regime; Presida has +2 maximum Hit Points over whatever she rolled with her class HD. Additionally, she gets +1 to all Saving Throws.

She uses a magic weapon which is a small, extendable metal baton. This magic baton is called the Baton of Clanging and deals 1d4+1 damage on a hit. It has a special ability- if the tip of the baton is touched to a piece of metal, it can make the metal clang at any point along the metal, or make a delayed clang at the spot she touched it one exploration turn later. Using this allows for easy distraction of guards, monsters, and can be used to set up ambushes and alarms befitting her skills.

[3] Ulati - 5th level Fighter
Stats- +1 Str, +2 Dex, +1 Con, -2 Int

Tall, thin man skilled with a bow and spear. He is an excellent physical shape, as most members of House Scinarri are. His lips are burnt with vertical lines for betraying a secret of his house, but was allowed to stay after being greatly reduced in position. He is most common referred to by his nickname of "Silkfinger", perhaps because his actual name is blemished with his past.

Ulati is a hunter and has a deep respect for any culture involved in nature. He knows how to read magic and druidic runes carved on trees and rocks. He was always better with dogs then with people; Ulati gains +1 to reaction checks with animals. Finally, Ulati is a skilled knife fighter, though he prefers to fight with a spear in melee combat. The scars up and down his arms prove this. He has a set of two magic daggers, each with a +1 to hit and being immune to corrosion and rust.

[4] Hotar of Holy Vapors - 4th level Cleric / Sage
Stats- -1 Dex, -1 Int, +2 Wis

Hotar is a simple, faithful man belonging to the House of Candis. He was born in the room of a temple of which holy, hallucinogenic vapors from the earth pour up causing his mother to hallucinate him being born from the vapors instead of her body, hence the name. Hotar was also negatively affected by these vapors from ingesting them as a newborn- he has a bit of a shake and is slow of mind, but strong in religious and spiritual matters.

He is also an amateur magician- relying on his spiritual intuition and vivid imagination to create spells instead of route magical formula. In your game, these are probably Cleric spells. If you don't have Clerics, then he's a white mage-type MU. Any given day you meet him, he has one of these spells randomly prepared along with the normal spells for his level and class.

Hotar's Holy Spells- Roll 1d4
[1] Singing Rain - 1st level
This spell magically charges rainfall, and can only be cast when it is raining or right before. This spell makes the sound of raindroplets hitting the ground sound a bit like music, chiming together to form a harmony of nature and sound. This spell effects a circle around the caster of about 100 ft.

This spell has no additional magical effects beyond this- but many creatures, especially evil monsters or demons, find the sound of such peaceful and pleasant music offensive to the ears and may be temporarily warded against. Devils who don't have a mission or anything just leave the area- or else they get a morale check to stay or enter the singing rainy area.

[2] Blossoming Light from my Necklace - 1st level
Requires a holy symbol worn around the neck or golden necklace worth at least 1000c to function. Hotar wears one. When this spell is cast, it creates yellow rings of light that get bigger and bigger in waves coming from the necklace in front of the caster in a wide cone. Anything this cone passes through is blasting by weak levels of holy magic. The effects of this spell get worse then the longer ones stays within these rings.

If an Undead creature stays within the rings for a full combat round, they are subjected to a Turn Undead roll as though turned by a first level Cleric. This seems weak, except this spell can bypass the normal HD number used by Turn Undead, as its cone effects everything in it. Intelligent undead may try to jump out of the cones before the round is over (using a move action, flying away, etc.) to avoid taking this check.

If an Unholy creature, such as a demon or dark cultist thing stays in the rings for a full combat round, then the next attack done against them by the spell caster gains advantage. They glow with a yellow aura, which also illuminates them very slightly in dark places.

If an Evil creature, like a bandit or orc stays within the rings for a full combat round, they get -1 to their next morale check, regardless of what causes it. This only functions if the majority of the squad were hit by the rings.

[3] Lightning Lash - 1st level
Creates a whip made of electrical energy in the caster's hand- the next time they whip with it and succeed on a To-Hit roll, it deals 1d3 lightning damage and ignites very flammable stuff, like people doused in oil or scarecrows stuffed with straw. The whip lasts for one successful attack, but if the attack fails the whip doesn't disappear unless it strikes something metal which scatters its energy.

Hotar made this spell as an elemental attack, but doesn't really like using it. Too violent. It's also a rough early version and could use a lot of clean up and improvement to make it more powerful and useful for its spell level. If given a few years or levels, or tutelage under a powerful MU, this spell jumps up to 1d6 damage and requires a saving throw or you get held in place one round.

[4] River's Babtism - 2nd level
This spell must be cast in a flowing river at around noon. The caster must dunk and wash the body of the target of this spell, and it cannot be cast on themself. The absolution of this baptism purifies and heals the sick and wounded- any common disease is ended and all poison that could be cured with an antidote is cured. This spell also has minor regenerative properties; for example, it could restore a chipped tooth, a finger or toe torn off at the last digit, heal back a patch of permanently burnt skin the size of a postcard, etc. Additionally; it restores 2d6+2 HP.

This magic spell is quite powerful and may be a hint that Hotar is actually a spellcasting savant.

Hireling Loyalty & Seperation Rules + Accident Tables

Hirelings have a Loyalty score in addition to their other statistics. It is still generated with a 3d6 roll, and is a hidden attribute. Loyalty disappears if the Hireling is made into a full playable character, as they no longer have need for it.

Whenever you tell a hireling to do anything monotonous, dangerous, or work perceived to be below them; roll under their Loyalty with a d20. If you tell them to do something really dangerous or suicidal, roll with disadvantage. If your group is attacked, then your Hireling will fight in your defense without needing a roll, but picking a fight or making the hireling go above and beyond will require a roll. Whenever you fail the roll, the hireling either refuses or stews on it and loses -1 Loyalty permanently. You might be able to increase loyalty by bribes or if they grow in power.

These rules aren't exactly new. If you want to make them less swingy; calculate the “Loyalty Modifier” of the Hireling instead using your favorite stat array and roll a 2d6 + Loyalty Mod + Commanding Character's Cha Modifier and get a 7 or better to do anything dangerous. Maybe snake eyes on this roll loses -1 Loyalty score permanently.

Separation Rules

Whenever you are separated from your Hirelings, or if the Hirelings are instructed to stay behind or guard a location; the Hireling with the highest Charisma has their Loyalty score used for the group; They act as the ringleader. If you seek a more random method to determine the Ringleader; instead have each major Hireling character roll a 1d10 + their Charisma mod and add a bonus +1 or +2 if they are higher level then the other characters. Hirelings who act as Ringleader will command other Hirelings and retainers to perform whatever task was given, or to follow their own path.

If the Hireling was instructed to be left alone to guard something or stay behind, successful Loyalty check means they carried out what they were told to do. Failure means rolling on the relevant table, or simply having the Hirelings make a fatal mistake. Save vs death.

If the Hireling was accidentally separated, such as by a shifting wall or monster ambush, successful Loyalty check means they will attempt to reconnect at the earliest possible opportunity. Failure will mean they assume their leader is dead or lost control of the mission, and the ringleader will take command of their own squad of people to fulfill their own goals. Next time they meet, roll a reaction check using the Hireling's Loyalty roll to see if they seek to return to your group or have permanently decided to leave. Each Hireling gets a Loyalty check to the original party to see if they also abscond, but will get a negative to this roll equal to the Ringleader's Charisma mod.

Accident Tables

Roll on the most relevant table. If there is no relevant table, or to roll for a totally random result of Hireling incompetence, roll 1d6 to determine the table and 1d6 again on the table for the result. Low rolls are generally worse results then higher rolls. Exceptionally trustworthy or competent Hirelings may prompt a 1d6+1 roll and ignoring the accident on a roll of 7.

1. Guard Duty / Military Force
2. Menial Labor
3. Holding Captured Prisoners or Monsters
4. Ferrying Things to Camp / Carrying Supplies
5. Preparing Potions or Spells / Working in the MU's Magical Laboratory
6. General Mischief

-Guard Duty- For when Hirelings stay up late to watch camp, watch the dungeon entrance, or otherwise perform any duty relying on watching and fighting off any intruders.

[1] The Ringleader is dead. All of the Hirelings get a save vs death modified by Con to see which ones are badly injured but still alive; if they fail the roll, they're dead too. Roll a wandering monster for this area; this is the thing that killed them all. The monster is long since fled, but leaves tracks or clues.

[2] The Ringleader accepted a bribe from a rival adventuring group or intelligent monsters. These beings entered the area or were given information. They deny seeing anyone but have found a fat sack of silver that they refuse to share or talk about.

[3] Asleep. The Ringleader was on the last shift, and is now fast asleep. They'll claim the enchantment was a magical one wrought by a spell. Roll on the monster table for this dungeon and only if that monster can cast Sleep is their story true. In the meantime, at least one group moved through the weakness to steal something or enter the restricted area.

[4] Drunk. The Ringleader either broke into your wine stash or brought along ale secretly. They and several other Hirelings and retainers are getting drunk and being useless. 2 in 6 chance something sneaked past them, 1 in 6 chance they lose something important to the expedition.

[5] Noise. They are sharpening weapons; the loud droning noise of working iron and steel draws nearby enemies. Or they are partying and laughing, or doing anything that makes too much noise and attracts attention. roll a wandering monster check. These are encountered when the party returns.

[6] When you return, they demand higher pay for long hours of boredom. You can also shut them up with a hearty meal and ale, or a simple magical trinket.

-Menial Labor- For when Hirelings are digging through rubble or building bridges and barricades.

[1] They've unleashed something. The Ringleader ordered the group to disturb a burial site, the sound attracted a monster, etc. The monster is busy killing the Hirelings and retainers when you encounter them all again. Roll initiative.

[2] Workplace injury! Hireling with the lowest Strength score is impaled on a piece of wood or trapped under a pile of rubble. The Ringleader is responsible for it. The injured character requires immediate medical attention or they die.

[3] All their tools are broken. They've hit a rough patch of dirt, or the sarcophagus lid was much more stuck then anticipated. You'll need to replace them, which will be expensive. Ringleader either egged on the other Hirelings or is the one responsible for breaking it for singular important tools.

[4] Fatal flaw. Something about their work or effort has a glaring flaw, the Ringleader let them use a shortcut. It can be used but has a saving throw associated with it. The barricade can be climbed over by an agile opponent, the trench will flood if a rainstorm comes, the rocks can landslide unsafely, etc.

[5] Grumbling. The Hirelings and retainers lose -1 point of morale for the rest of this trip, spurred on by the Ringleader's complaints. They joined the party for easy loot and big payouts, not “honest” work, if they wanted that they would have stayed home!

[6] Ragged and exhausted; the job is done by the Hirelings are overly tired out. They have disadvantage on rolls and other negatives, they need a day's rest for their fatigue.

-Holding Prisoners- For Hirelings watching over your captured humanoids or if you're punishing another Hireling for whatever reason. Also includes non intelligent monsters held down by chains or in cages, ready to be shipped back to civilization for sale.

[1] Escaped. Corpses nearby the busted cage; 1d4 of the lower paid retainers or camp followers are dead. Ringleader returns from some 'me' time in the bushes, not having any idea what happened.

[2] Freed. Someone has freed the beast- the Ringleader is the one with the most knowledge on what has happened and who it was. They let it go while nobody was looking, and it killed or destroyed nobody, but is now gone and left few traces.

[3] Property damage. The beast didn't escape, but the prisoners took their time to ruin something in the camp. Maybe they managed to reach their hand through the bars to grab a key and sit on it, or during a failed escape attempt the monster trampled a bunch of tents and suits of armor. Roll X in 6 to see if you lose anything actually important; X is the value of the prisoner's HD.

[4] The arm or leg of the Ringleader is caught in the beast's jaw! When you return, you'll have one action to try and prevent the Hireling from losing their limb. You could try to avoid this by offering food, or freeing the beast. For intelligent creatures in your captivity, it may just be a shiv to the back or throat instead, demanding freedom.

[5] Poor Morale. The beast is whining or the prisoner is begging for freedom. Even if it's a manipulative trick, your Hirelings and the Ringleader are considering letting it go. They will take a hit of -1 morale unless you can prove the prisoner's spitefulness or they are released.

[6] Feeding time. The imprisoned beast or prisoner has been eating an absolute ton of food. The Ringleader is responsible, perhaps trying to keep the beast tame. You lose 2d6 rations or drinks of alcohol for a intelligent prisoner. The prisoner is sleeping off their food or drunken stupor peacefully.

-Carrying Things- When carrying back loot back to camp or town, OR when carrying supplies to a dungeon or onto the party's ship for an expedition. Ringleader is either first in line or carrying something specific, the reason or this listed below.

[1] Carrying something shiny, good smelling, or otherwise attractive to monsters. Huge flying beast swoops down or subterranean creature digs up, kidnaps Hireling and what they were carrying.

[2] Theft. Ringleader was either the theft or encouraged theft; either several worthwhile supplies like alcohol go missing, or a single valuable treasure they were entrusted with goes “missing”.

[3] Stowaways. Annoying parasite, insect, barnacle, gremlin, or other creature that has snuck into your camp or town. It will be a constant annoyance, up to destroying gear, the party being blamed for the impending infestation of the pest, or even the loss of stats or damage from diseases brought on by the vermin.

[4] Stowaways. Hiding in the cargo boxes, food bags, wagons, or other places ended up being a young urchin obsessed with adventure. The youth is bright and energetic, but very likely to get herself killed.

[5] Damage. Some of your common items were damaged. Rations accidentally went bad, bandages dropped in the mud making them dirty and useless, torches thrown on campfire by mistake, etc. These only apply to basic supply items; you lose 75% of a single category of useful tool (most of your rope, most of your light sources, etc.) or 50% of three categories. (Lose half your rations, half your repair kits, half your bedrolls).

[6] Tripped. Ringleader has fallen and sprained their ankle. They won't be able to walk for the rest of the adventure, and will be useless in combat.

-Preparing Potions/Spells- For whenever the Hirelings are working in the Wizard's laboratory, translating magic books, brewing potions, or otherwise doing mystic stuff. In this instance, use the Intelligence of a Hireling to break ties between the most Charismatic ones.

[1] Chaos. The magic energies have gone loose! Random elemental explosions scorch, freeze, or electrocute 1d6 Hirelings and camp followers to death, and 1d6 HD worth of otherworldly creatures now ravage the campsite- summoned by mistake.

[2] Dud. Too much mundanity was mixed in with the latest potion, wand, or scroll. The Ringleader covered up the failure and passed it off as a working magical item. Just when you need to sip a healing potion, it tastes like fruit juice and fails. When you flick your wand to conjure an attack, it fizzles like a sparkler; becoming useless.

[3] Possession. Somebody got possessed by a demon, ghost, or otherworldly spirit attracted by the arcane and did not follow proper preparations. This is a secret result, nobody will know at first about the possessed person. The Ringleader is possessed, and will use a combination of their standing and natural abilities to try and influence the party to give it more power and feed its unholy desires to sacrifice virgins to its master from beyond the veil.

[4] Noisy Spirits. Nearby elemental spirits have been awakened by mistake, are now being quiet noisy and arguing with each other. The rock wall you are camping under starts to grovel about the smoke from the fire you started, which is cursing at the wind for constantly trying to put it out, and so on. The spirits may come to blows on a 1 in 6 chance, causing them to act spontaneously; rocks move on their own, sand swallows the cart, etc. This will be local minor catastrophe if it happens. The noise may also attract attention even if you calm them down, forcing a reaction check roll.

[5] Wild magic. The Ringleader was unfortunate enough to be mutated by an errant surge of wild magical energies. Roll on your favorite mutation table for them- roll a save vs spells. On a failure, the mutation is permanent. Otherwise, it lasts 1d4 days.

[6] Minor Curse. One random Hireling is hit with a surge of strange magic. The first character to inspect and/or touch them is cursed with bad luck. For the rest of the adventure, treat all rolls of 20 as a 1 instead. If nobody touches the affected person, the Ringleader will contract the curse instead.

-General Mischief- Roll whenever the Hirelings are left alone for a while, giving boring work after already getting tired of it from the Labor or Guard Duty table, or are otherwise distracted and not given much supervision.

[1] Fatal Accident. Random Hireling with the lowest Con has died from a game or job taken too far. Sparring got too rough, somebody slipped off the ravine, etc. Ringleader had something to do with it, either was the guilty party or is covering for them.

[2] Idiotic Effigy. Ringleader builds a religious symbol, uses several piles of treasure they were guarding to decorate it. If they are a Cleric, it is to that God. If they are not, then it is too a random God or elder beast. The Ringleader has swayed 2d6 Camp followers to their faith, but each Hireling is a little more resistant and only joins if it makes sense for them too. They will refuse to tear down the effigy and will start to act as a leader.

[3] Gambling. Ringleader has constructed a illicit gambling operation, is almost certainly cheating. They quickly stealing money from other Hirelings and camp followers; and have gained 1d10x5% of the way to their next level in experience points in value. However, the others are beginning to demand you expel the Hireling or force them to give their money back, grumbling saps morale if not appeased at -1 Loyalty to all characters who were affected. Hirelings with an Int of at least 15 do not buy into the scheme and don't require appeasement.

[4] Fire. Cooking fire got out of hand, or an idiotic pyromaniac got let loose. Ringleader is trying to organize a defense, poorly. Property is burned; 1d8 tents destroyed and 1d4 mounts break free and ran off in fear of the blaze.

[5] Rumors. Several bad rumors have come up regarding the player characters, with the Ringleader secretly being the one to start or spread them. Unless these rumors are addressed directly, there is a chance they'll lower the level of respect. 1 in 4 chance for a serious rumor to reduce Loyalty by -1.

[6] Drama. Hirelings and camp followers are arguing with each other over petty nonsense, chores being ignored, improper split of loot and so on. The Ringleader will instigate a conflict, two random Hirelings will come to blows over it. Both characters take 1d6 damage from punches and kicks unless restrained and some bruised pride.

8 Ridiculously Powerful Hirelings

You already have your own tables and funnels to create new characters and fresh hirelings. You've already seen NPCs to be placed as mid level hirelings and companions. Now have some extremely high level, high powered Hirelings for parties going on ridiculous high fantasy adventures. These Hirelings can also be used for replacement PCs for high level play or even as rivals.

The level of these characters are not listed. Instead, make them the maximum or name level of their appropriate class, or one beneath if they still have training to do.

8 Ridiculously Powerful Hirelings

[1] Ragas – Fighter

Stats- +4 Str, +1 Con, +2 Wis

Ragas is a hulking, beefy man from the far North-Eastern mountains. His armor is fur lined and he carries two copper cylinders which contain many flat stone discs. The discs are engraved with lead-filled carvings depicted scenes from the past and future. The cylinders are so heavy that trying to steal one will probably crush your foot or break your back; despite how easily he slings them over his shoulders. He can use the cylinders as a 1d8+2 improvised weapon, but would only do so on a last resort as damaging the discs would be a horrendous taboo in his culture.

Ragas has gained and mastered several magical items. First is his armor, which has red-pink scales of an unknown metal along his chest and upper arms. This armor grants +6 AC and can be activated with a whispered magic incantation meaning “Togetherness'. The activated armor creates a pink aura that sucks up magic shields, curses, and auras and gets bigger each time- after absorbing two or three it can now absorb magic at the range of a spear, then after four or five it can strike at the range of a whip or thrown weapon, etc. The aura lasts 4 combat rounds- and can absorb enemy auras to make them easier to strike with his magnetic sword.

Ragas's sword is magical too; a 1d10+2 falchion. It has four silver daggers stuck to it at all time, each dealing 1d4+1 damage, and can be flung off at the same time he makes a melee attack at a distant target, as the falchion has control over magnetism. For this reason, the sword can repel enemy arrows and weapons; making a -2 to hit but knocking all the knives off if this is activated.

Finally, his traveling supplies include a small bag of platinum coins worth a total of 12,000c and three potions of healing in emergencies.

[2] Also – Fighter

Stats- -1 Str, +3 Dex, -1 Con, +2 Cha

Also is a young daughter of a poor farmer who was beset by strange dreams up until she turned 15, and finally learned of her true nature. Also has lived before; reincarnated from a fierce and powerful warrior into the form now. She has two names; the name of the man she once was, and ALSO the name her peasant parents have given her, and as such she has taken the moniker of Also. While young and stuck in a small, underdeveloped, and weak body, she has an incredible amount of chi energy and massive untapped potential. She believes that her old self reincarnated to move into a newer, cosmically superior form, and is unsure if becoming a woman in this life was intentional or an accident; regardless she knows her untapped potential.

Also can fight well, despite being somewhat weak. She can use her feet and knees in devastating, back-breaking grapples and shin-splintering kicks; her feet deal 1d6+1 damage on successful hits or grapples, and she can run across water and other lightweight surfaces without breaking them if moving at a fast speed. She can also levitate for a few seconds if she takes a full combat round to breath in deeply; using this move to avoid attacks or spells on the ground or to jump up very high. Also has an incredible well of life energy inside of her; every exploration turn spent in meditation restores 1d6 hit points. There is no limit to this ability, as long as she is in good health.

Also's dreams and experiences from her past life are also making her more powerful. Every season, she has a 1 in 3 chance to remember a powerful combat trick or become physically tougher. Whenever this happens, roll on the following table. If you roll any category twice, roll again until she's learned everything she can from her first incarnation.

Also's Memory Table – 1d6

1. Gain +2 To-Hit
2. Gain +1 Damage with all weapons
3. Gain +1 Max and Base AC
4. Gain +3 Maximum Hit-Points
5. Learn a Martial Arts Style; Gains advantage against opposing styles.
6. Learn the location of her first life's secret stash; specifically prepared for his reincarnation. Contains thousands of gold and a powerful magic axe. The first time she rolls this, she learns that it exists, and the second time, she learns its exact location.

As Also was born in poverty and has little experience in this life, she has no magic items or wealth.

[3] Mauil Iz – Rogue/Fighter

Stats- +2 Dex, +2 Int, +3 Cha

This is the funniest guy you will ever met. Mauil, who also goes by Iz, has an incredible life story, which he enthusiastically tells whenever prompted. He was once a nobody, who pretended to be a knight and sneak into a princesses birthday party. All he wanted was to taste the Queen's dove pie recipe (still the best meal he ever had), and this single event catapulted his life in a crazy adventure. Whenever Iz speaks, your character must make a save or bust out laughing, which will make you lose spell concentration or reveal your position if you're sneaking. This ability is always on but he can reign it in if subtly is required for the situation.

Mauil has an AC of 40, but only wears leather armor. This is because of his mutational insect plates on his forearms and lower legs, hidden under his clothes with special holes just for them. These plates reveal long silver antennae in combat, and these metal antennae deflect and parry blows. Each time an attack would hit his normal AC, reduce it by the difference between the successful attack and his buffed mutational AC. These antennae get tired quickly, and after a few close calls his AC will be reduced to a more realistic and manageable level. Mauil's other physical oddity is his magic eye, a strange jewel dug up from some underground lost world. This eye is white, and glows in the dark, and lets him see in darkness. As long as he doesn't move; this eye can project an image on a wall similar to a shadow puppet show, with Iz able to control the shadows to trick people.

Finally, Mauil also carried around a few trinkets and magical pieces of gear. He carried a Red Switch Ring, which can be rotated mechanically to different runic settings allowing distant communication to other people with a Red Switch Ring. Currently, he has his code set to contact a wealthy merchant lord in a far away empire; who can send an entire ship full of mercenaries at a moment's notice and owes Iz a big favor. He also carries a flask of magic sword oil, which lets the sword “slip past” any armor and sliding through steel, automatically striking an enemy for one attack but causing the weapon to get stuck. Finally, his last weapon is a burning dagger, which deals 1d4 damage +1 fire damage. The dagger is always red hot to the touch and has to be put inside a special cooling sheathe.

[4] Seven Sam aka “Master of Medallions” - Rogue

Stats- +1 Str, +1 Dex, +1 Con, +1 Int

Sam was a nobody orphan. He only ever had a first name given to him, and as such his moniker is based off of his travels. He is a master of disguise and wears reversible clothing, occasional flashes of fake mud or a wig inside his hood is all you see of his second visage. Sam's main claim to fame was his infamous cons and scams in various cities, which eventually lead him to finding and stealing seven magical medallions. He has grown in power with these medallions over the years and has mastered them. Every medallion has a once a day power; but Sam can use any medallions a number of times equal to his level per day, meaning he can use one medallion multiple times and more total uses if his name level is higher then seven.

Most of the magic medallions Sam has are randomly determined, but each has a once a day ability. He wears all of them at the same time, all the medallions are fitted to one silver glint chain which prevents them from clinking in stealth. Sam is also extremely stealthy to boot, granting him a total of +4 stealth. Additionally, one of his medallions will be a Medallion of Greater Shadow-Dancing. This powerful magic item grants +2 to spell saves vs any spell or wand with “Shadow” or “Darkness” in its name, and additionally can be used to control shadows. Holding it aloft and concentrating, the user can make shadows rip from the walls and earth, dance, and obey their commands. All summoned shadows have 1 hit point, becoming 1 HD if the creature or object they are from is especially large or infused with darkness OR if the shadow is a player character's copy. The shadows can also attack with bites and punches, but only deal 1d2 damage on a successful hit. Shadows from inanimate objects only barely move; long shadows at dusk swoop to stab like spears, human shadows dance and sign and point, etc. Shadows are quite weak but any given casting can create 2d8 of them from inanimate objects in a room, plus one for each individual party member or person in the area. Shadows can mimic the moves of their original objects and beings. This item cannot be used in places of absolute brightness or total darkness, as no shadows will form. In places with weak shadows and at noon, the shadows will be weaker and the shadows will be stronger in dim but not extinguished light.

Finally, Sam has connections in cities and has set up several orphanages with urchins who spy and report back to him. He has created at least two false personas that the PCs may learn were actually him; these personas were once noticeable but background NPCs.

[5] Elarois of Moonglade – Rogue/Elf

Stats- +3 Dex, +2 Wis

She's an elf, barely in her adulthood at 120 years of age. Beyond being beautiful and skilled, she is in tune with nature and her natural origins. As with most Elves, she has trained with the bow since birth and is an incredible marksmen. Normal targets don't even phase her any more; she does not need to roll to hit with a bow against any terrestrial creature she can see within a short distance; except for those in cover, totally enclosed in armor, or with several powerful enchantments or shields. For targets she cannot automatically hit, or if attempting a complex trick shot, she still gets a +6 to hit. Along with this, Elarois has learned a second arrow-art. She can shoot arrows backwards, feathers first. Doing this means the arrows deal no damage on a hit, but cause a save or the target will fall asleep as per the Sleep spell. If she rolled a n 18 or better on her attack dice roll for her attack, target gets no save as the elf has become so good at her craft; she strikes them right in the eyes filling them with sleep.

Elarois's connection to nature manifests more clearly whenever she gets hurt. Whenever she is injured, her body begins to regenerate more quickly then normal. This is especially noticeable for lost limbs or torn out chunks of flesh; the growth is plant. Her wounds close up with supple bark and thin grass fibers. Lost limbs have gnarled branches in their place, which can begin to hold weapons or use items in only a single hour of regrowth. These wooden limbs and parts slowly shed and become normal flesh. If Elarois is killed in any way that doesn't involve fire, her body will root into the ground at the spot she is buried and begin to grow into a tree. After 2d6 decades, she will reemerge from this tree with a new, fully formed body.

Finally, the Elf wears a pair of elf shoes that give her silent footsteps, along with a glint quiver that prevents her from hitting her allies by shooting into melee. She also has a magic apple which can act as a week's rations and heals 2d10 hit points from eating it alone. It never rots and is kept in her satchel in case of emergencies.

[6] Priunt the Beast-Tamer – Rogue/Magician

Stats- +2 Str, +2 Con, +2 Cha

This human outdoorsman is well skilled both with his bow, whip, spell, and animals alike.

Every day, Priunt can grow a tail. This is an old mutation, and set in stone for him, thus meaning it is not cured by friendly spells that restore mutations. The type of tail he grows is random, and provides a specific effect. All he has to do to grow the tail is perform some morning meditations and breathing exercises. Each morning, he can repeat these exercises to get a new one, or just wake up as normal to keep his current tail. If he fails a roll vs mutation, he just grows a bonus tail that falls off at the end of the day. If his tails are chopped off take 1 damage and he can grow new ones tomorrow.

Priunt's Random Tail Table – 1d6

1. Whip-like Tail. Long, flesh colored tail. Creepy, but increases Dex modifier by +1
2. Fluffy cat Tail. Luxurious, gains a +1 to reaction checks to any race with tails.
3. Armored Tail. Similar to a lobster tail, but long with an insectoid sheen. +1 AC
4. Lump Tail. Fleshy bulb stores fat. Can go an extra day without food, +1 Con modifier.
5. Horse Tail. Increases run speed by +5ft or increases carry capacity by +1 units.
6. Lamprey Tail. Gray tail with a mouth on the end, grants a 1d2 damage attack.

Additionally, Priunt is a skilled beast-tamer. He has trained and commands several animals, from whelp wyverns, griffins for flying mounts, great lions, swortosies and other turtle beasts, dinosaurs, and many more. He either has a useful, unqiue monster with him at all times OR 1d6 very well trained hunting dogs. The dogs use stats as dogs or wolves but have +2 to hit and AC from combat training.

Finally, Priunt possesses a magic whip. The whip has the power to deal no damage to a target, if the victim of the strike is afraid and is cowed by the crack of the whip. This black leather magic item was used by evil dark elves and slavers, but has been turned against animals. The whip deals 1d6 damage normally, and counts as magic. He also has a single earring he wears on his left ear, which had a small hanging blue crystalline gemstone. In dark places, it lights up, and specifically wards against supernatural and hungry darkness- whoever wears the earring cannot disappear into shadow.

[7] Gress of Hollowland – Magician

Stats- +1 Con, +2 Wis, +1 Cha

Gress is a highborn magic-user. Beyond being given a noble title and keeping with him two camp follower servants, he also has to his name several rare and expensive magic books and arcane implements. His first servant is named Writ and his only job is to polish Gress's magic staff. It is silver with a red topper, and crackles with red and purple lightning bolts. Griss can invoke this staff at any time to deal 1d6+1 shock damage at range, but using this power requires him to make a save vs spells or else he loses the lowest level spell slot/prepared spell he has for that day. Any other magic user can use this staff too, but doing so will always make them lose the lowest level spell slot/prepared spell they have as they don't have the same experience in avoiding the draining effects of the magic staff.

Gress is also well spoken, well connected, and his second follower is well suited to that task. Her name is Naidene and she is a first level Rogue. She has been well trained by a secret court of shadows, and has an additional die in damage whenever she backstabs. She is instructed to protect Gress with her life and kill his enemies- either with her own hand or through assassin guild contacts. Gress is only vaguely aware of her secret, and doesn't ask her to assassinate people, but doesn't much mind when his mage-guild rivals end up dying or disappearing.

Along with the above social advantages, Gress gains +1 morale to any retainers he is put in control of and any camp followers will be very well behaved and useful, even willing to fight in small battles against weak opponents (only goblins or kobolds; they will still flee to orcs) due to his noble grace.

Finally; Gress is above all else an accomplished magician. He has an extra three first level spell slots for a MU of his level, and a single extra second level spell slot per day for his casting. As long as he carries at least two spellbooks and at least four scrolls there is a 1 in 6 chance he has a counterspell he can use against any enemy magic that isn't god-level in strength.

[8] Right Hand of June – Magician

Stats- +4 Str, +4 Con, +3 Int, -2 Wis

The Righ Hand of June is an enchanted being. They look like an androgynous, artifical human with honey-colored skin and stone-like fists. They have a sloped forehead etched with an arcane symbol, which matches the personal sigil of a famous archmage from a hundred years prior. This being is neither man nor woman, and rarely speaks. They have an incredible arcane might, along with skill in both spellcraft and combat, and their enchanted stone fists make them stronger then any normal humanoid being. The strength in their body is tied to their magic, however, and if hit with a counterspell or magic-draining effect they will also lost a number of their strength modifier equal to the spell levels lost. This can go into the negatives; and if the negative Strength reaches -3 or lower then the Right Hand of June cannot lift their stone arms at all. Add the being's Strength modifier to its melee attack damage if you haven't already.

The Right Hand can also crush potions. By crushing a potion in one of their stone hands, they gain a magical energy aura that flows along the cracks in their stone palm. This empowers their next spell with the rough effects of that potion or poison. For example, if they crush a healing potion and then cast a shielding spell on someone, then whenever that shield was struck the person would heal a single hit point per attack deflected. Or June could crush a poison vial of paralysis and cast magic missile, which has a secondary save to avoid being paralyzed and so on. On an unarmed melee kill, the Right Hand can also do the same thing to the naturally occurring monster juices or spell-like effects the monster has, absorbing into their arm and cast with their next spell. Using both arms means that June could have two effects stored or manipulated at the same time.

This being also carries with it a sack of golden coins, many years out of mint but worth far more to collectors, as well as an amulet that creates the sound of a windchime whenever ambient or naturally occurring magic is near. This makes it trivially easy for the Right Hand to find naturally occurring mana nodes or crystsals; and in fact it claims that it was separated from its creator and master by taking a stroll in the woods to find mana crystals, before getting lost and returning many centuries later in what felt like a single afternoon. Now, the being simply wishes for a purpose and a use for its great power and strength.

11 Strange Cleric Hirelings & their Wacky Religions

To create a Cleric Hireling, roll a 1d12. Stats that are not specified are rolled randomly upon creating a hireling, as per the normal method.

[1] Saposa the Long-Haired

Stats- +5 Str, +1 Con, +1 Wis, -2 Cha

Turns- The Groomed

All of his body hair is super long and unkempt. Head, facial, armpits, pubic, everything. He's got a Sampson thing going on, and his God is in a covenant with him to grant him super human strength as long as he does not shave.

Saposa is a cleric of the God of the wild things, and as such his power to turn undead is replaced with the power to turn groomed. This includes beings or creatures that are heavily groomed; cats and rats flee from his voice, perfumes stop short from spreading their flowery scents, elves run, and nobles must make a save to avoid the urge to flee. Instead of a destroyed result on a Turning, the target instead becomes cursed with untidiness, causing messes in their wake and having a permanent -2 AC from being dirty and clumsy. Bald mortals and certain creatures, such as giant naked mole rats, are totally immune to this power regardless of their hygiene level.

[2] Loafus of Uro

Stats- +1 Str, -1 Con, +2 Wis

Turns- The Fairie & The Deceptive Path

Loafus is a short fellow with bad lungs. He carries a walking staff and needs weekly trips to breathe fresh air in the mountains, else he sicken. He wears a blue girdle with cold iron pins stuck in every few inches, to ward against fairies.

Uro is a city that once wrestled control of itself from the fairies that occupied it, and threatened to pull it into their realm permanently. The patron spirit of that city infused Loafus with its power. Loafus can turn fairies, though they are never destroyed, and are instead simply banished back to their fae woods. Loafus's ability to turn can also be used on deception and false paths; for example if he successful cast his Turning against a labyrinth, the walls would be forced to shift to give straight passage, though traps and monsters may be placed right in his way. This is always temporary, except on a destroyed result, in which case the false path or misleading fairy signs are eradicated.

[3] Phillus Decantt

Stats- -1 Str, +2 Dex, +1 Wis, +2 Cha

Turns- Music & Musical Incantations

As one of the few religious adherents allowed to keep a family name and business. His god is the God of music and mastery of music. He is skilled in several instruments, and is teaching his daughters the ones he does not know, so their family will be a complete band.

Phillus has the power to turn music; specifically rival music and poorly played music, as well as the music of savage peoples like drums and shrieking. His power also works on spell like incantations, sorcerer's laughter, the song of a siren, and so on. Using this power can block the morale bonus from wardrummers, and stop musical spells or abilities. On a destroyed result, the offending instrument is destroyed, or offending voice is stricken mute for 2d6 days and takes that many points of damage.

[4] Synthuusia

Stats- -3 Str, +1 Dex, +2 Wis, +1 Cha

Turns- Bitter Truths & Mortification

Synthuusia is a young woman whose growth was stunted due to the prophetic fumes she was forced to breathe as a youth. She's very short and physically very underdeveloped, but she still retains some powers of prophecy even if she is too old to serve as a temple oracle anymore. She serves her temple through other forms of service.

She worships the Goddess of prophecies and dancing. By using her power of turning, Synthuusia can create a cloud of that same fume that she once breathed for days on end. This fume lightens depression and makes things you see less ugly. It softens features as well as fear. She can use the turning roll as a replacement for any hireling or player-character morale check versus fear, natural or supernatural, as the fumes make everything seem less harmful or serious. On a destroyed result, the hazy fumes give a kind of precognition to her and her allies, granting +1 to AC or saves versus whatever she was turning against.

[5] Aie the Wise Man

Stats- -2 Dex, -1 Con, +2 Int, +4 Wis

Turns- Stupid People & Fools

Aie is an old sage with many lessons learned and much wisdom to teach. His religion is that of self enlightenment and respect towards philosophy. The God of philosophy only grants its powers to those followers who understand why they no longer need them.

Aie's power to turn is quite broad but limited. He can use it to attempt to turn any stupid person, group of dumb people, or collection of fools. On a regular result, the targets of the spell are compelled to leave, but are not forced to such as if engaged in violence. On a destroyed result, then targets are forced to leave, getting a headache from smart-people talking near them. This turning ability works great against unintelligent creatures, though creatures of above average intelligence for their species are immune to it. Anyone with a +1 Intelligence modifier is also immune to the power. Those who entertain for a living, which Aie respects, are also turned as well if they are in uniform. This includes play actors, court jesters, circus performers, etc.

[6] Mourner

Stats- +1 Str, -1 Con, +1 Wis, +1 Cha

Turns- Disrespectful of the Dead

Mourner has lost her name. She's given it up to better serve her role; in her temple she did nothing but mourn for the dead. She provided a valuable service to the poor and destitute, who could not afford funeral processions, since it is known that the more tragic the funeral and louder the wailing, the more the Gods will notice and reward the spirit in the afterlife.

Mourner has the power to turn those ungrateful to the dead. This mostly means tomb and crypt robbers, and thankfully she can target it to only strike those opposing them, as well as those that exhume corpses for nefarious purposes like vile necromancers. This power also works on carrion-eating species, if that creature has eaten or eats intelligent dead corpses, such as a gnoll or a cannibal. This power turns on a success and on a destroyed result; the victim gains Necrophobia, requiring a morale check or saving throw to enter a tomb or when they see a dead body, including undead both corporeal and otherwise. They get nervous even when they see a tombstone. This can only be removed through powerful magic or therapy. Her power does not work on the undead, even those that consume corpses or raise corpses on their own, such as a wight or lich.

[7] Very Holy Burkane

Stats- +2 Wis, +1 Cha

Turns- Undead & Demons +1

Very-Holy Burkane is his actual name. This priest has been in so many babtisms, done so many prayers, and consecrated so many times he's essentially walking church. The ground for 10 feet around him in diameter is also treated as a church for the purposes of spells or demons who cannot enter them. He's humble but uses his abilities tirelessly to ward against evil; in the places where he is from he gives up his spent clothes as talismans that townsfolk can nail above their door as a holy symbol, simply due to it rubbing off on the linens from his own holiness.

Burkane does not have a special target he can turn. Instead, he turns Undead & Demonic beings like most Clerics. However, he gets to add +1 to turning rolls or treat his level as +1 for turning attempts and results, whichever makes more sense for your game. Burkane's god isn't really important anymore, as his holiness has come from many churches, positive energy fonts and the adoration of the people, and as such his holy mish-mash aura means he cannot prepare any cleric spells but the most basic and common of healing and protection spells. Even multiplying food is too specific for this conglomerate of holy magic.

[8] Balsor the Blade

Stats- +2 Str, +2 Dex, -1 Wis

Turns- Blades

Balsor is a swordsman and worships a God of swords and oaths of fealty. He is also armed with a +1 magic sword. This sword is a deep gray and is translucent for its wielder. Balsor holds it to his face to hide his intentions for attacking and defense, giving enemies who try to read his motions -1 to hit or AC depending on the situation. If Clerics cannot use swords or magic swords in your game, Balsor can use only this one, as it has been blessed and ordained by his order.

Balsor turns blades; swords, knives, and slashing weapons are specifically turned. Semi-bladed weapons like axes or spears treat the turning result as one less. Turned weapons cannot harm anyone, and are supernaturally dulled. Destroyed result makes bladed weapons rusted through or shatter, though magic weapons are merely made dull and useless for (1d6 - weapons to-hit and damage bonus) turns. He can only use this power on a number of blades equal to his level.

[9] Kors of the Loom

Stats- +1 Dex, -3 Int, +2 Wis, -1 Cha

Turns- Inantimate Carpets

Kors belongs to a religion that holds the importance and sacredness of all cloth and woven items. This religion is quite large and complex, keeping several sacred and magical spun items as well as the act of spinning itself, but Kors is an idiot savant blessed with power despite having very little understanding. As such, he cannot cast any Cleric spell over 1^st level, regardless of his progression as a holy man.

The religion of the Loom has powers over cloth and fabric, but Kors interpretation is very specific. He can animate fabrics similar to carpets, rugs, tapestries, curtains, blankets, scarves, and so on. On a regular turned result, these items can be animated to perform a single action, such as attempting to wrap someone up or strangle them, levitate to carry a few pounds (but never a person), and so on. On a destroyed result, the carpet is permanently animated, and will follow Kors and obey his commands. Once Kors reaches name level or 10^th level, he has a permanent magic flying carpet made of one of his obedient, holy magic carpets. Even if this carpet is destroyed, he can touch another to instantly make it fly as well, he is never without a flying carpet once he reaches the maximum level.

[10] Diala the Mutilator

Stats- +1 Str, +1 Dex, -2 Cha

Turns- Hands

Diala worships the God that gave people hands, and takes her role very seriously. Beyond having an appreciation for hands and keeping a few trophies of her foes hands on her; she also has the ability to mutilate her own hands. This process is very painful to look at, but Diala feels nothing beyond religious zeal. Whenever she mutilates a finger, she regains 1 hit point and that finger rolls a random mutation, but cannot be used well until that hand is fully healed. Additionally, her fingers have a black circle permanently tattoo'd around each second knuckle, which marks her as a religious fanatic to those who know.

Diala has the power to turn hands. This causes a single hand or hand-like appendage to seize up, forcing it to drop whatever it was holding and making it unable to be useful for 1d4 rounds. On a destroyed result, the hand splits open and is in great pain, causing 1d6 damage to its owner and requiring healing to heal properly, else being permanently marred and inflexible. This power can also be used on hand-like body parts like the feet of various apes or graspers of other species. Radically different graspers like tentacles or pods treat the result of the turning roll to be one degree less, so a Turn is ineffective and a Destroyed counts as turned.

[11] Thamalar Greencloak

Stats- -2 Str, +3 Dex, +1 Int, +1 Wis

Turns- Herbivores

Thamalar is an elf or half elf, and worships a Goddess of plant life and the magic within trees. Invoking the druid's power, Thamalar may treat his Cleric level as one higher for the purposes of spell casting or turning rolls if he's touching an ancient tree.

Thamalar's religion, the lady of greens, can turn herbivores. This includes anything that has eaten vegetable matter in the past 24 hours- a turned result makes them flee, and a destroyed result makes them hungry and need a ration of meat or else they will starve. Exclusive herbivores like minotaurs, forest animals, some monsters, etc. Instead are turned for twice the duration and on a destroyed result are either killed as normal OR Thamalar can choose to make all their flat teeth fall out, and the creature now hungers for and must eat the flesh of living beings to survive. This is permanent.

[12] Roll a set of standard attributes, and swap the highest stat to Wisdom. Then, generate a random God or Elder God- the Cleric worships that figure. This Cleric also gains the Turning ability of banishing otherworldly creatures in addition to whatever powers they would normally have from that God or Elder God. Elder God turning abilities tend to be more curse-based or sinister, where as normal Gods have powers that are more good.