Monday, May 7, 2018

Garden Street Vendor Generator

Appearance – 1d20
[1] Bipedal cat-like alien with a tall cylindrical head. Eyes are placed evenly around the top of the cylinder, granting 360 degree vision.

[2] Goldfish in a jar of green liquid; moved around by steam-robot skeleton. Occasionally the goldfish flicks a lever to drain some of the green liquid down into the robot's engine.

[3] Green skinned alien with a mass of angel-hair pasta style digits for fingers on both hands. Grip is so strong a handshake feels almost like you'll break your bones.

[4] Quadrupedal fuzzy crocodile-bear-dinosaur creature with armored ridges along its head and legs. Uses its long whip-like tail to grasp things but is still very clumsy.

[5] Twin Ratmen. One is my shrew-like and slim and the other has dumbo style ears and is fat. They move in unison and finish each others sentences.

[6] Raincoat wearing alien with bulbous orange skin. Convinced it could rain any second. The water from this dimension burns his species skin horribly.

[7] Cybernetic man with no bottom legs, held afloat by a single car hover-plate.

[8] Shady booth. The inside has a wall and slot with a curtain to make it impossible to see the seller's full body like a church confessional.

[9] Black cockroach man with two arms and legs. Wears a loose coat; actually has two shrimpy middle arms underneath clutching his pistols in case things go south.

[10] Pinstripe suite wearing giraffe person. Cranes their neck around like a snake to talk to you.

[11] Head of a jackal, body of a dark skinned humanoid creature with an extra thumb. Smells of sulfur and has a little pin with a devil on it.

[12] Hoodie wearing teenage alien girl with huge ears. Her hands are like 3 feet long each; keeps all her stuff in her pockets.

[13] Red skinned ogre creature with a bulbous nose. Dressed in farmer overalls and straw hat.

[14] Bone-thin, large feet. Seems like a mystic, is balanced on a telephone pole.

[15] Almost flat jellyfish-like man. Has globs of paint floating through his circulatory system just so people don't walk into him, as he is nearly transparent.

[16] Lean alien creature constantly emitting some kind of wispy purple smoke. That's just how it breathes, but if you stand in it you take 1d4 Agility damage per round.

[17] Wrapped up in bandages from head to toe, weird triangular feet. Carries a metal box with products tied to its waist.

[18] Animate doll. It's a psychic projection, given false life. Can make other toys and objects move by touching them.

[19] Three young hen-women. They whisper to each other constantly.

[20] Totally normal looking human man in a threadbare pinstripe suit and a busted tophat.

Personality – 1d20
[1] Nervous, selling their goods at lower prices then usual. Obviously trying to fence some stolen property. 50% chance stolen goods are from local gang.

[2] Cheery and drunk. Constantly sips from a flask of alcoholic cheery-juice.

[3] Peevish. Hates crumpled bills and bartering. In a hurry.

[4] Happy-Go-Lucky. Seems inexperienced, hands a business card to everyone in party.

[5] Speaks in a groggy voice. Homeless. Looks tired and cold, carries goods in various packs.

[6] Mysteriously quiet. Communicates by holding up small cards instead of talking.

[7] Psychic, prefers to communicate telepathically. Has a good hunch what the party needs and tries to offer it at an inflated price.

[8] To the point businessman. Always gives a fair price, but never haggles.

[9] Religious. Carries a symbol of their religion even in this cynical city.

[10] Extremely racist towards a random party member.

[11] Hams everything up. Constantly yells “CRAZY PRICES!!!” and “GENTLY USED!”

[12] Seems to know or have a distant relation to everyone in the city, including one of your party members or someone tagging along.

[13] Currently corralling and managing several children of their kind while making the deal. Seems stressed but more then capable of it.

[14] Friendly, but hides a dark secret. Has a very violent and tremendous response to a very common and unassuming word, like “meat” or “detective”.

[15] Mistakes party members for royalty from their respective worlds, bows and kisses rings. This is a trick to make you buy more of their products.

[16] Is working for someone else. Seems dismissive of the product any only wants to get this over with so they can go home.

[17] Thick accent, freely offers party to join their family for dinner.

[18] Byzantine pricing and restrictions for their own goods. Extremely particulate about what you can buy and in what quantities- you will often have to purchase 2 or 3 useless trinkets to purchase 1 useful item from his wares. If you break any of the rules he gets mad and refuses to sell to you.

[19] Seems kind, but distracted by something. Claims to have inherited a house but it's infested with dangerous creatures; will offer you wares in exchange for a favor.

[20] Extremely depressed. Quite obviously hates what they do. Would be very open to the idea of joining the party as a tag-along or if they can get them a job somewhere.

Wares – 1d20
[1] Street Lemurs. Recently caught and hung up for sale. Their meat is commonly sold and eaten, especially among the lower classes of the city, and their fur is sometimes valuable for their tails or the bright orange mohawks the males possess.

[2] High powered explosives.

[3] Selling four random chimney-guns, slung around their body on long white straps.

[4] Very inexpensive medical supplies. All homemade. 1 in 6 chance of getting a weird rash for a week after using any of the drugs.

[5] Selling bandoleers of ammunition along with a few boxes of brand name stuff. Has 1d4 special bullets in a velvet purse.

[6] Merchant is wheeling around a wide flat-top cart with a layer of dirt and grass. Selling herbs and tubers that grow directly in his cart. Cannot get any fresher.

[7] Selling “Lucky Tickets” he found in an underground locker. Grant +1 to your next save, then you find them all ripped up in your pocket. Only has 1d12 of them left.

[8] Selling bonds to several local businesses. Each business has a 1 in 4 chance of making it through the next year, and increasing the bonds value by +1d6x5% every year it survives. The player's actions can easily help the business or destroy its competition to ensure payouts.

[9] Bloodsucking Ivy repellent. Works like a charm, forces Ivy to turn away and leave you alone for a few minutes. Each can has 2d6 uses. Has a 50% chance to work on other plant-based monsters.

[10] Traveling repairman. Keeps all their tools on their person. Repairs lanterns, guns, gadgets, gizmos, cars, and much more. Will continually find minor problems and offer more repairs for a price.

[11] Advice and directions. Knows this district of the city well.

[12] Is selling 1d4 Calming Bands. Can be worn on the head of a psychic person can absorb 1d6 stress before breaking. The bands are made of a weird metal from an obscure world and enchanted with calming psychic energy making them hard to mass produce.

[13] Color photographs of recent happenings from various alien worlds. Probably stolen from a newcomer. These are actually valuable due to not having any communication besides what is imported with the original worlds everyone is from. 1% chance it's from Earth with some new things that have happened that none of the humans in the party knows about, like a new president or a famous new landmark is being constructed.

[14] Brand new hover car. It's actually a refurbished older model with a new coat of paint. Has more problems then they let on, but the price is still pretty good.

[15] Eclectic collection of small items, knick knacks, and useful bits and bobs. Sewing needles can be used for repairing items, grease for gun cleaning, and flashlight batteries. Has a few rounds of ammunition, inexpensive rations, and other necessities in small amounts.

[16] Hard drugs. Raka spine-sticks, Illuminated dust, gloves of ceaseless pleasures, etc.

[17] Delicious exotic alien spices. Offers a free sniff to see if you can recognize any from your homeworld.

[18] Fortune Teller. If you buy a “premium fortune” you get +1 to your next save.

[19] Psychic emitter crystals. Can be used by psychic people to boost their powers or to power a few rare psionic weapons or items.

[20] They are a prostitute.


  1. I've been waiting for you to post about Garden again because I saw this photograph after reading your description, and I feel like it fits really well.

    1. Nice! Great inspirational picture. Much of my own inspiration for the setting came from dark car rides around gated communities with their tidy lamp-lit pants and atrium. This fits perfectly.