Monday, June 3, 2019

12 Idiotic Spells

These spells are stupid. For spells cast on idiots; they only work on characters or monsters with a -1 Intelligence modifier or worse. For spells cast by idiots, reverse the effects of your Intelligence modifier. So someone with a -2 Intelligence modifier would treat it as a +2 instead.

6 Spells made by Idiots
[1] Piss Point - 1st Level

Wets a target area of cloth or fabric. Isn't colored, doesn't smell, isn't warm, and doesn't even “trickle” out like urine would, making a really dumb and unconvincing spell. The spell is actually useful to wet fabrics while traveling through a desert or to wet a cloak to add some defense to a fire blast, or wetting an enemy before lightning at them.

[2]Look at what I can Cast” - 3rd Level

When cast, this spell requires intense concentration. Two green “gemstones” of magical energy float from each hand, merging into a beautiful fractal pattern over the course of several seconds, then turning into a red glowing magical flame which constantly turns itself inside out with a bright blue round 'core' visible in the center, which lasts as long as the caster maintains concentration. This spell doesn't do anything, and is simply a parlor trick dumb magicians invented to prove how good they are at magic. If you cast this spell in the presence of an ignorant Apprentice, treat your reaction check as the highest or second highest possible result, as they are so impressed.

[3] Wand-Snare - 1st Level

This spell makes your wand bend and become magically accurate; the wand is thrown at the feet of the target to attempt to entangle their feet. Targets get a save to avoid, and can attempt to cut themselves free or burn the wand off in the next round if they fail and trip. Using this spell disarms you of your magic wand, obviously. The wand will straighten out after use but a small warp will always remain, giving idiotic wizards a characteristic flaccid wand.

[4] Remembering Spell - 2nd Level

Take out a slip of paper as large as a post card. Everything you write and draw on that postcard is something your character can instantly recall. They can recover this knowledge even if they forget, are knocked out, or hit by a mind-wiping spell that doesn't also erase this remembering spell's power. This spell can also be done in universe by simply writing the same information on paper.

[5] Bouncing Spell - 1st Level

This spell makes something bounce, but doesn't protect the object from the damage it would take from falling. Casting this on a clay pot and throwing it across the ground, for example, would cause it to shatter on impact but then the shards would fly up at about the same height it was thrown from. This spell can be cast on people, allowing them to fly back up after falling, but they still take the damage. Feather Fall would also stop the bouncing, as you would lose all speed for the rebound.

[6] Savant's Metamagical Preparation - 4th Level

This powerful enchantment must be cast while the user is preparing spells. This allows them to prepare any spell of 4th level or less and allows them to reverse the mental ability score bonuses the spell has AND adds a passive bonus of +1 to all damage die or save rolls. Meaning an unwise -2 Wisdom magic user will treat the healing of a spell as +3 from the bonus Wisdom instead, or treating their negative Intelligence modifier instead. While not often used, since unintelligent Wizards rarely become powerful enough to use this spell, it can be combined with other spells such as a self-cast Moment of Idiocy to turn ignorance into power.

6 Spells cast on Idiots
[1] “Intelligence Test” - 1st Level

To cast this spell requires a gold coin, which is not consumed in the casting. The caster must first demonstrate the “test” by placing it against their head, and banging the back of their head with their hand to prove how “smart” they are, as the number of hits indicates the user's intelligence until the coin falls off. Then, the coin is placed on the target's head, and secretly palmed as they slap the back of their head over and over until they figure out they've been duped.

This spell tricks the idiot into smacking the back of their head for up to one exploration turn, until someone snaps them out of it. The target also takes 1d2 damage to their Hit Points and to their Intelligence stat from the damage to their skull.

[2] Back Attack - 2nd Level

This spell can only be cast on someone lifting a heavy object, and someone with a Strength modifier of +1 or less. This curse throws out their back, causing them to feel intense pain and be unable to perform physical labor, and dealing 1d4+1 damage to their Strength stat. This spell also does not work on someone wearing protective equipment or lifting “properly”, using any amount of cleverness or tools to help lift protects you from this spell.

[3] Impotent Rage - 3rd Level

This spell can only be cast on a target entering a feral or berzerk rage. Instead of flying off into combat or performing a feat of strength or daring, they start to rant about the unfair nature of romance, the geopolitics of far off foreign powers, or mistakes they made in their youth. Nothing they do or complain about can actually be changed; they are simply angry at the heavens themselves. This effect ends if the creature is attacked, and creatures get a save to resist the spell if they were about to do something really important.

[4] Brain Fog - 2nd Level

Renders a person temporarily dumber. Since it only works on dumb people, the effect is minor. The person treats their Intelligence modifier as -1 less then it was already. This spell lasts for a month, but can be ended early by poking a hot needle into the center of one's forehead, dealing 1 damage, which lets the fog flow out. It has enough fog to obscure a small room so you can barely see your hand in front of your face, potentially being useful as an escape mechanism.

[5] Knocking Door - 2nd Level

This spell magically enchants a door to 'knock' when approached by someone. If they knock back, the door will knock back at the same speed and number of knocks that were given, and will occasionally create a random pattern of knocks to copy and play back to the knocker. This spell stumps idiots for up to 1 exploration turn per negative Intelligence modifier they have. This spell does not lock the door, but the effect is permanent until someone you don't want enters.

[6] Moment of Idiocy - 4th Level

This spell can be cast on anyone, ignoring the normal restriction. It suspends someone common sense, suspicion, and training for one single moment in time, treating them as -3 Intelligence modifier for a single moment or roll. It can also be suspended until a certain event or attempt at an action is made by the target of the spell, which is specified when the spell is cast. No saving throw is allowed for this spell, everyone can be an idiot sometimes. The true trap of this spell, is it's hypothetically reverse. Wizards have wasted years of their lives trying to find the fabled “Moment of Brilliance” spell because of this one, but it may not even exist.

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