Hand-Face-Hand Guard Generator

Every Hand-Face-Hand starts with;

• TWO Hands (4 HD)
• ONE Face (8 HD)
• AC equal to its material
  
• No Morale (Never Routs)
  
• Cannot move
• Each round- ONE Hand can act, and the Face acts. Then the other Hand acts next round. If you need more specific speed values- assume the hands are as slow as a golem.
• If a Hand is defeated; the Face loses half of its remaining hit points. The other hand still only acts once every other round.
  
• If the Face is defeated; both hands become inanimate and are defeated.
• One Special Hand Attack. Either hand may use it on their move.
  
• Alignment of True Neutral
  

Material Table - Roll 1d6
[1] Flesh (AC 10, +1 Initiative) Stapled or stitched. Or is this massive creature alive?
[2] Skeletal (AC 12, Undead, Can Turn on a hand to stun it or release grip) Bone hands of a giant.
[3] Stone (AC 18, Weak to Cold) Block, inorganic shape- its made of bricks.
[4] Metal (AC 16, Weak to Lightning) Giant animated armor; or a clockwork automaton.
[5] Wood (AC 14, Weak to Fire) Carved wooden pieces; took a shipwright to make this.
[6] Djinn Skin (AC 12, Gains 50% Resistance to one Element, Eye Blasts deal 1d8 damage of this element) Has a color matching its element; Red skin for Fire, White for Ice, Blue for Lightning; etc.

Face Table - Roll 1d6
[1] Darkness (+1 AC) Empty hole- or the eyes and lips float on a black smokey mass.
[2] Serene Mask (+25% Magic Resistance) Placid features while it crushes you in its grip.
[3] Giant Crystal (Casts Spells as though one Caster-Level Higher) Glows with energy.
[4] Animal Head (Hands have +1 to Hit and Damage) Is it an idol to a long lost god?
[5] Big Eyeball (Sees Invisible, Cannot be Surprised, Face takes double damage when hit directly) Looks angry and scary but it's really just a big dumb weakpoint.
[6] Gibbering Mouth (Both hands get different Special Hand Attack- roll once for each hand. If you cannot escape a hand's Grip after one round- will bring you to the mouth and bite in a save vs death) It chews that air and flicks its tongue crazily, but says nothing.

Special Hand Attack Table - Roll 1d8
[1] Morph (Turns Hand into Giant Weapon, deals 1d10 damage) Hand into hammer, axe, or sword.
[2] Got-Your-Nose (Silences one party member- cannot cast spells) Holds their voice for one round.
[3] Rocket Fist (As Punch, but holds until next round. Deals 1d12 damage) Shakes as it charges.
[4] Snap (Random character must save or take 2d6+2 Damage) Something tears within from the echoing snap- immune if you're deaf. Powerful Gestural Magic.
[5] Spider (Hand "runs" around the arena on fingers, knocking people prone and dealing 1d4 damage) Skitters on fingers like a giant spider- this move happens once more when the Hand is defeated.
[6] Power Palm (Save or be pushed back along a straight line) Creates a ghostly hand that pushes you along like a forcewall. Add spikes along the wall or a pit around the edge of arena for more "fun".
[7] Finger Gun (As Magic Missile) Might be a little on the nose for a fantasy setting; if you don't like the idea of "Finger Guns" being taken seriously, just make it a finger of death style point instead.
[8] Rock-Paper-Scissors Duel (Play RoShamBo with the DM. If you lose, hand gets a free hit against you, otherwise you get a free hit against this hand) Playful.

Combat Rules
The Hand-Face-Hand is an immobile guardian meant to protect one room, doorway, or important item. The Face hovers above a platform / or is suspended by a large upper torso and is out of reach of melee weapons except for spears, polearms, whips, etc. Any "Attack" uses an attack roll to hit, otherwise a "Move" just happens.

Hand Actions - Roll 1d6
[1] Slap - Attacks two or three targets in a row. On hit, deals 1d6 damage and knock victims prone.
[2] Punch - Attack. On a hit, deals 1d8 damage and knocks the victim back (and prone).
[3] Special Hand Attack - (See above)
[4] Block - Move. Raises a palm to block incoming ranged attacks and spells for the face. They damage the hand instead, using its AC and damage resistance values.
[5] Grip - Move. Save or be gripped by the hand. If you are grabbed, you are squeezed for 1d10 damage each round until the hand takes at least 10 damage to release you. Supernaturally strong characters (+3 Strength) can roll to break free. Prone characters are immune.
[6] Slam - Move. Hovers a balled fist over someone, then slams down. If you're standing you can just move away, if you're prone you'll need help or have Dex +1 to jump away in time. If you get hit by the slam you just die- or deals 3d10 damage or something.

Face Actions - Roll 1d4
[1 or 2] Eye Blasts - Attack. On a hit, deals 1d6 magic damage. If the "Face" is a giant crystal, this can be a big energy beam instead to make it look cool.
[3] Observe - Leans in to observe the party closer. The Face and Hands gain +1 To Hit each time it does this for the rest of the battle. Also an opportunity for you to attack the face.
[4] Casts a Random Spell. The Face has a total number of spells equal to its HD.

Vampire Survivors is Goated + Random Thoughts on Damage

I think this game may be a flavor of the month thing. Still, it's pretty awesome. I really like Vampire Survivors. It's an indie Roguelite with some permanent progression- heavily inspired by Castlevania's art, monsters, and weapons. It's an autobattler; you only control your characters movement while your weapons fire automatically- every time you level up you can get random weapons or support items and using different combinations let you create combos and evolve weapons into higher forms. Half the fun of this game is seeing how powerful your combos can get, while the game spawns literal screen-full waves of enemies to slowly walk towards you and attack.

It's a really fun little game, pretty addicting, surprisingly strategic, and it's only 3 dollars. Sadly, I missed telling you about it when it was on sale for 10% off. You could have saved 30 cents, lmao. Developers are still active on the game, and have a LOT of content planned. I know a lot of people out there refuse to touch early access games- and I don't blame you- but even if that is your concern, there is more then enough content here to justify this purchase easily.

But anyway, this isn't a shillpost for the game- though I do hope this encourages you to check it out. The real purpose for this post was that this game is at its surface incredibly simple; your attacks just do damage. There's no elements or damage weakness types, very few "status effects" really, almost no mechanics, and yet you can screw yourself over if your build has a bad combination of weapons and items because you need a diverse arsenal. Even something simple, like vampire bats or medusa heads being immune to holy water since it's on the ground, isn't in the game. But when every enemy pretty much just slowly walks at you- how can there be a game with some actual depth and thought behind it?

Despite its apparent simplicity, there is a bit of complexity in how the weapons in this game work. Every weapon has a specific firing pattern. For example, the Wand shoots rapid fire but weak bolts at the nearest enemy. It's a highly reliable source of damage against the biggest threat to you in the moment, but bad against crowds and bosses. Several weapons, like the Holy Water and the Rune Tracer, deal great AoE damage but you have zero control over them- not amazing against bosses but strong against crowds of weaker foes. There are also weapons that are very strong, but have a long cooldown, like the Lightning and the Bible. Some weapons, like the Whip or Axe, always shoot in a reliable direction- the axe up and down, and the whip horizontally. This lets you cut through crowds of mobs to escape getting trapped. Finally, the knife is a weapon that shoots high damage, rapid fire, but small and hard to aim projectiles directly in front of you- excellent for killing bosses, but meaning you have to run towards the bosses to aim at them, since your movement is the only way to aim anything.

I hate these red bats so much its unreal.

From this, we can extrapolate a sort of system for other games, including tabletop games, which add granularity to the relatively simple game mechanic of "hit things until they die". Despite all of them just "doing damage", the concept of different fantasy classes or roles in a combat focused game having defined and useful combat roles despite the apparent simplicity is really appealing to me.

For example; characters like crossbow users or rogues can deal very high burst damage all at once to individual targets. The implied combat "role" here is taking out high value targets. Enemy spellcasters, monsters on their last legs, and really dangerous monsters like level draining undead or creatures that have many attacks to take out at range.

What are all the different ways you can do combat when it comes to fighting monsters or groups- ignoring things like in universe fiction or damage types? There are four ways to think of damage in a non-timing environment (turn based) against all other concepts like in universe fiction, elemental damage types, random chance to land a hit, and so on. These four types will be near and far in range, and many targets with low damage, or few targets with high damage.

Range	Damage	Target	Class Fantasy Equivalents
Near	Small	Many	“Tank” Warrior, Paladin, Animal Companion
Near	High	Few	Dervish, Barbarian, Rogue
Far	Small	Many	AoE Blaster Mages, Clerics, Bards(?)
Far	High	Few	Rangers, One-Shot Wizard Spells

As you can see, it doesn't really work 100% to import this kind of system into a fantasy game world. The fiction of the game space doesn't line up with this concept of damage. Fighters are both "tanks" but also can do a lot of damage- they swing around big weapons. In the same vein, it's rare to see characters designed around the concept of doing slow, consistent damage- especially at range or with an area of effect, since by necessity focus firing attacks or spells on one target to get rid of them quickly is more important then dealing 2 damage to all goblins in a room even if that will mathematically kill them all faster.

This may also be the reason that fantasy games tend to have more elements thrown in. Most games have some amount of randomization when it comes to attacks- at least randomized damage plus chance to hit or absorption of hits depending on the ruleset. This is probably to stop games from being mathematically solved quantities- like if the rules say every attack with a human swordsman does 3 damage and the troll has 9 health and recovers one health per turn you can do the math to see exactly how long it would take or how many counter attacks you'd be forced to take; thus letting you know the outcome before it happened.

8 Mermaid Spells

[1] Magic Conch
This spell requires a magical conch shell taken from the sea- Ask a question into the magic conch. The DM will roll a d20 and record the number. Then, the DM will give a vague sounding answer based on the roll; a roll of 1 might be "never" and a roll of 20 might be "yes and better then you think", where as a roll of 10 might be "maybe", and so on.

If you act upon the question of the magic conch, the DM will substitute that roll with a roll made by yourself or a creature. For instance, if you ask the magic counch "will I die before I leave this dungeon?" and the answer was "no" because the roll was a 1, then the DM could replace that roll of 1 the next time an orc tries to attack you, and so on. This is a double edged sword, as if you asked "will I survive this dungeon" you could just as easily get a roll of 1 or 2 which the DM can use to substitute any saving throw you make with something that will kill you instead.

This divination of fate isn't fullproof. If circumstances or the players themselves break the chain of events that would contradict the magic conch, it shatters apart.

[2] Stairway in the Waves
Rising from the ocean; crystal stairs rise up upon casting this spell. This spell can only be cast at night, as concentrated light (from a lantern, torch, or sunlight) will break the fragile enchantment. This spell makes crystal stairs appear from the water- they are physically present but not strong enough to cause damage to ships or large animals moving through water. They are fixed in place; though you could be thrown off by a strong enough wave or crash of water.

The stairway can be spiral (maximum of 60 ft of height), ascending in one direction, a curve, etc. Steps can also be wide, steep, shallow, whatever. Night sirens use this spell to lounge around above the water and entice sailors, or give them a way to descend from the deck of a high ship down to the random precarious rock in the middle of the ocean they're always lounging on.

[3] Magic Bubble
Surrounds a person in a bubble that can float around. The bubble is under the control of the caster, and can envelop one human-ish sized creature, or a handful of smaller creatures. The bubble can float in any direction, including underwater, and moves at a brisk walking speed. It is partially cut resistant, but can be popped with any sharp object- consider its AC 18 for an attack roll to pop it, with ranged or melee inside the bubble. The bubble could not survive being moved through a coral reef or forest; it can only go through tight passages if there is ample room.

This spell can be cast on a friend or foe, both can be useful. The bubble also traps whatever is around the creature at the time, so aquatic creatures keep an amount of water for breathable medium or a sphere of air is kept for air-breathing creatures who are taken underwater or into space, etc. The bubble technically lasts forever until it is popped, which really won't take that long.

[4] Beguiling Barnacle
It requires touch and a willing or relaxed target to place this barnacle on them. Usually, the forehead or one of the hands is chosen for this spell.

The magic barnacle sticks to the target and acts as a Charm and Quest spell. Those under its effects are in love with the caster, and will go to the ends of the Earth to accomplish whatever task they are given. If a Remove Curse or they are 'snapped out of it', the barnacle remains, squeezing and causing them pain the longer they resist the command. The barnacle can also be pried off with a successful save and reduces the victim's health by -1d4 permanently.

As an added effect, anyone with one of these barnacles on their skin absolutely cannot swim.

[5] Distortion Wave
Requires both hands to be touching a body of liquid- both hands shove out a magical wave. The wave has two effects; the first is a powerful splash- not enough to harm, but enough to shove people back. This disrupting casting a spell. The second is the disorienting effect this has on anything swimming near the surface; divers, fish, monsters, etc. They get spun around and confused, taking a round to reorient themselves.

Mermaids usually use this spell in surprise when some pirate is swimming after them but has stuffed his ears full of wax or cotton.

[6] Underisle
This spell is pretty strong. Anyone who casts it will take 2d6 magical damage, nonlethal. This spell creates a magical underwater tunnel, cave system, or base underneath an island. All of the entrances to it must be underwater, but it can have as many as you want or as few as one. The underisle is hollowed out and magically formed from the rock, and has no bearing on the structural stability of the island, nor does the displaced water cause any visible movement besides some bubbles and surprised fish.

The island's size and shape generally infer the size and shape of the underisle. If the island is small enough to fit on a gridmap, then it has the same number of grid spaces for the underisle, in any combination of rooms and passages of any shape that the caster desires. If the island is big enough to fit on a hexmap, then you can only dig out a small amount of space in a single hex. Total space of about 200 squares per area seems fair.

The Underisle is not furnished beyond with stone. If you press your ear to the roof of the underwater chamber, you might be able to hear footsteps on the island above. You could also dig up or somebody could dig down to connect the isle with the underisle. While the Underisle will not collapse naturally, it combined with an earthquake or some big bombs could cause the entire island to collapse in on itself, or cause a small inlet bay to form if used on the mainland. This is in fact how the mermaids intend to retake the surface world and make the world one big ocean again.

[7] Whirlpool
The Whirlpool forms as a small sucking circle of water in any body of water- anything as small as a bathtub or as big as the ocean. Every round the speaker chants the spell, the increases in size by one "square" or size unit. This must be continued- the moment the caster is struck or interrupted, the spell ends and the whirlpond quickly dies down. Anything caught in the whirlpool is sucked towards the center until they are then brought under- which means they sink to the bottom of the body of water in an instant. Large objects like ships or giants are only sucked under if the whirlpool is large enough to accommodate them.

Naturally, this is the main method that sea witches and ocean casters use to sink ships of surface dwellers. Protecting oneself from archers while standing on the shore and casting this spell to defeat an invading navy is a surefire way to become the king's court magician in any nation. However, those who steal these most sacred enchantments from the sea are said to be doomed to return them by watery grave.

[8] Conveniently Clothed
This is the reason why mermaids always appear with little shells over their boobs instead of just being topless, as you'd imagine a bunch of weird sea creatures would be. When cast, this spell causes random items in the area; small living creatures, trash, plants, and so on to become stuck onto the caster in convenient ways to censor their nudity to all who may be leering. If you cast this in a crowded market on someone naked; within a moment they'd find themselves covered with an empty coinpurse, some flyers from the faire, and a banana peel over their junk. In a jungle? Convenient leaves are slapped on by the wind, and so on.

Unlike the other spells on this list, there is no known practical reason as to why mermaids cast this spell on themselves. As they are not human, and do not need protection from the weather or other elements. They have no civilization to speak of- so what purpose does this serve?

Vagueposting- Digression on Progression mechanics + the "Power" stat in Vermintide

Due to an irrational desire to get the "value" from games I bought years ago, I ended up playing Vermintide 2 recently. It happens to have a progression system in the form of gear- this gear being a very blatant habit-forming treadmill that just gets higher numbers as you go on. There is only one stat, a generic "Power" stat, which is some of the laziest shit for a skinnerbox loot cycle I have ever seen. The melee combat and graphics are lovely, though. 

But moreso interesting to me then the progression mechanic is what it actually does, and what it doesn't do.

The "Power" Stat
As you can see, the "Power" stat is a combination of character level + loot level. It's specific effects-increase damage, how well you cleave through enemies, and the power of staggering enemies. On the surface, these seems pretty basic, but if you think about how games are programmed or tabletop games are designed it's actually a pretty indepth and unique method of improving the "power" of your attacks. Most games would just have a scaling damage modifier, meaning your sword swipe would be the exact same with the same hitbox but just deal a percentage more of damage. While I don't know how the Vermintide damage system is calculated, the idea of player power also increasing how well you hack through enemies, thus meaning you deal with huge swarms better, as well as single target damage for bosses, stunlocking bosses, and the like is really interesting.

However, there is something interesting here in the subtext of the game about player progression. Something the developers did not want the players to be able to gain power in; either for game balance, enforcing the idea of teamwork, and to allow for player skill. Vermintide is not just about whacking a target dummy to do maximum damage, so what things does this power stat not allow you to progress in?

• Does not reduce damage taken or increase maximum health
• Does not grant you more ammo or increase your aiming ability
• Does not make you reload, attack, or switch weapons faster
  
• Does not increase stamina or blocking power (though some gear can)
• Does not grant armor piercing or help you deal with armored enemies beyond more damage
  
• Does not protect you from Special units' ability to down or disable you
• Does not make healing items, potions, or other supplies more common
• Does not make it easier to revive your teammates or stay close to them
• Does not help you navigate the map or find secrets
  

These concepts were just about everything I could think of as to what an RPG "Power" stat could do in the context of a game. While some of the above mechanics do exist in the context of character talents and specific modifiers on some piece of gear; the general "stat" has a very specific application in the game. What we can gather from this is all of the above bullet points are things the developers intentionally or unintentionally did not want the players to be able to automatically scale past at some point. Being at a super high power level doesn't count every hit as a headshot nor does it create a bridge to the end of the level so you can beat it faster- certain things are still respected by the game. This means that the player's skill or teammwork are still important and demanded by the developers or game designers and aren't supposed to be necessarily trivialized by a basic progression mechanic.

D&D and DIY tabletop already have a similar concept- in the form of level. Character levels in RPGs fulfill the same function. Obviously this depends hugely on the game, but if we go with a generic tabletop RPG like D&D we can see a power progression too.

The Character Level
For most retroclones and so forth; your character's level is a jump in power across every major mechanical element of the game. You gain more HD and better saves, letting you survive better. You also advance in To-Hit and sometimes damage or multiple attacks- depending on class. Certain classes also unlock all new abilities, either directly or in the form of higher level spell slots. If your class has a resource, then that resource tends to get more plentiful allowing for more uses per day in the form of spell slots or action surges or what have you.

However we can see from this what your level does not do. It doesn't let you bypass core rules of the game- such as dungeon crawling or exploration. It doesn't let you charm every NPC you come across or bypass any skill check related activity, though modern D&D skills try their best to do so if your "build" is done a certain way.  It doesn't let you bypass the need for random dice rolls- even a high level character can die on a bad save- which is perhaps one of the best things about having save or die mechanics in the first place- a way to get through an overly cautious and high HP character. An element of risk or even skill, for someone who has progressed past the point of caring about individual points of damage. It also doesn't control the magic item or monetary economy of the game. While a high level character could easily buy something expensive, they can only do so on money they've earned. Very rarely do games have a sort of just "I can afford anything under this amount of money" because of a characters level ups.

Of course, there are exceptions to these rules; new spells unlocked as you level up can bypass these things, and certain classes or races, or race-as-classes like classic Elves and Dwarves can detect secret passages or doors and the like, or gain darkvision. However, it isn't a core feature of the game that you get darkvision for free once you turn level 5 or whatever- it's an exception.

The biggest "thing" that isn't overcome by levels are rulings and the in-universe lore. Some games, like story-games or Dungeon World-esque games, allow players to carve out their niche in the world built into mechanics. However, this ability isn't really overcome by leveling up or standard progression. Your plan to chop a tree and bring it down into a dungeon through the narrow tunnels so you can use it as a bridge over a chasm is just as good player-skill to overcome a problem as it would be if the DM just said "you're all almost name level- you can just cross the gap." At least, MOST DMs don't do that. I intentionally try to be more lenient with player actions if they're higher level for a more heroic fantasy feel, but that's one thing that levels don't really fit with influencing.

So let's look at this from a different perspective; what else could character levels or progression do, if not what they do now?

Alternate Power Mechanics
Instead of character level ups, we have EXploration level uPs instead. In this theoretical example, the party may share a single level, or use the highest party members EXP instead. Maybe it's for a solo RPG session, so one universal level makes more sense there, regardless of how many party members are brought along.

In this alternate timeline, we'll say that the DMs of old never figured out or thought of how to improve characters in combat- no extra attacks or to-hit bonuses, nor more HP. Instead, characters at 1st level and max level fight at pretty much the same strength. Perhaps equipment plays a bigger roll, or combat is decided in a more skill based way; something like a game of risk-reward blackjack or a mathematical puzzle. We'll just say for the sake of simplicity that in this example, everyone fights with 1d6 weapons and 1d6 hit points regardless of their "level". What would this mean for the game? Since progression isn't tied to characters combat power, monsters remain as dangerous as ever, minus things like magic items or spells that may give an advantage. Monsters naturally must remain on a roughly human approachable scale of threat- so no giant elder dragons with 100+ HP or eldritch deities.

So then, how DO players advance mechanically? They advance in the more gamified part of this game; which in this alternate universe is in exploration mechanics.

LVL	Effect
1	Exploration as normal.
2	Map is always accurate / DM checks over map and corrects one mistake per session.
3	You always have a basic light source (lantern)
4	Party automatically marks places they have been. Slopes are identified.
5	Always find secret doors. Traps are disarmed after they are triggered once.
6	Always find hidden walls. Immune to pit traps.
7	You always have dark vision / no longer need light source. (Stealth?)
8	Doors no longer automatically close. Party can request map directions to hoard / stairs.
9	Hirelings will now do any action requested. Teleporters have exits marked.
10	No longer roll random encounters. Free exit to/from dungeon (Fast travel?)

Alternate Class Progressions
Slightly less unusual, the concept of class-based gameplay and progression fits more naturally into an OSR/DIY playstyle. But how do the classes actually progress?

Instead of every class getting a generalized power boost- their specific role in the party is what is increased instead. Similar ideas do exist in other games; imagine a game where no class gets any To-Hit bonus or more hit points as they level EXCEPT for the fighter, because that's the fighter's role. Thieves only get better at thief skills and stealth, but probably don't get sneak attack bonuses since they're more focused here. Wizards would probably be the same, except with more specific spells- no more combat or creature-avoiding spells, just spells to influence and travel the dungeon environment. (MUs already don't have a "clear" gameplay role, which is why I sort of cut them out in my homebrew.) Clerics on the other hand are simple enough, just more spells and resource management, but get no combat ability as they level up. Turning undead would probably remain their specialty.

Other Forms of Progression?
Depending on the nature and primary goal of a game, other forms of RPG like progression could be chosen. I really like the idea of highly specific bonuses that scale with level, or are unlocked based on role- a classic example are saving throws or the elf immunity to ghoul paralysis in oldschool D&D- it's specific because the game and world are specific. However, with a more stimulationist or "game world" oriented style, tying progression to generalized stats, skills, or power progression tends to work better and be more immersive for players overall.

So here's a list of 20 types of player progression- based on my list of 20 alternatives for gold to xp list.

20 Alternate Player-Power Progression Systems
[1] You get better at tracking elephants. Strength score increases to better wrangle them with rope.
[2] Combat power increases- though specifically through dueling or single target actions.
[3] Increased ability to pacify natives; savages must make a morale check to stand against you.
[4] This is just Wolf-packs & Winter Snow.
[5] Load up a Harry Potter RPG homebrew- I'm sure there are least a dozen of them.
[6] Progression is based on memories found in the otherspace- you get level ups and class benefits from random classes from other games. So one memory you get a GLOG Acrobat template A, another and you get the saving throw table from an 6th level Dwarf, etc.
[7] You already get XP for murdering stuff and being evil- just reincarnate to level up.
[8] Better gang fighting skills, tagging skills, and avoiding the law. Maybe lets you have more gang members in your posse.
[9] You get stronger against the specific kind of monster your group hunts. Eventually you have acidic blood and the ability to force bats to land if you kill a strong enough Dracula.
[10] Getting better stats = progression. Makes sense to me.
[11] Get better prices from the shops, or get an Appraisal skill that you can use in the dungeon to compare item stats.
[12] Increased knife skills, heat resistance, and ingredients you collect stay fresh longer. Chef powers.
[13] Highly combat focused clan warfare- advance as barbarian. As you level up, you become more and more revered and have mythical feats attributed to you. (If you did them or not- Finn Mccool style)
[14] More powerful angels can call upon more miracles; and keep watch on mortals. You can guide good people on the path to becoming more heavenly-guardians when they die, or perhaps become your replacement after guarding the gate for a thousand years.
[15] It's another Fighter-progression for caravan guards- except your abilities are mostly defensive. When you get to 6th level, you can use your action to corral 6 camels who ran away from the ambush- that kind of thing.
[16] You are farmers defending your crop. You aren't just getting better at fighting goblins, but you also get bonuses to rabbits, foxes, snails, and all other vermin. When you reach name level you get a cat that kills all of your rats for free.
[17] Dark cultists get spell slots. To keep with the theme- you still have to bleed out hit points or sacrifice virgins or whatever as you get stronger- just don't give away too many or else you won't be able to complete the BIG ritual that matters.
[18] Every player advances as thief. You can still pick cool thief knacks though- maybe it's like Payday where you have classes but all the classes are still "thief" classes. Like one guy is the muscle who gets all the health and armor and the other guy is the mastermind who can accurately predict where the next guard patrol is gonna go and so on.
[19] Megadungeon- unlock shortcuts as you level up too. Maybe add the EXploration level uPs system from above; but for your highest level character. If they die- oh well- all those little chalk marks and secret paths they knew are gone now.
[20] Increase your saving throws to magic shard dust addiction.

8 Magic Pirate Items

[1] Lobster Plate - +1 Magic Armor
Bright red and orange, knobby, worn over the torso. This offers exceptional protection the back especially; sneak attacks can only deal normal damage against whoever wears this armor- no critical strikes can hit them. Also, magic or skill-based powers that can remove this armor don't work, unless the wearer is at least halfway submerged in water. This armor is as protective as plate armor, with +1 AC.

Once worn by a paranoid captain who feared a mutiny.

[2] Ivory Putty Jar
Carved from the base of a great whale's tusk- this smooth container has a well fitting cap to keep out air. Inside, it contains a great few fistfulls of wood colored putty which can be smeared onto wood and breaks in a ship's hull. The putty merges with the boards there, gaining their woodgrain and becoming indistinguishable from the natural wood that once made up whatever it is repairing.

The jar magically regrows the putty inside over time; it only greats a spoonful or so every turn, meaning it will take a long time to recharge. But with this jar, a ship can be repaired much easier and with needing less stops. If a full jar is used during a ship to ship chase or combat, you can recover a ship's hull by 1d6 hit points over an exploration turn of patching the worst leaks and breaks.

[3] Green Gel Lantern
Silver framed glass egg filled with green goop. The goop is inert unless heated by a flame- the tiny fixture for placing a small candle underneath must be lit for the lantern to function. The lantern is always carried with a thick wool bag that can be thrown over it to cover up its light.

The goop emits a massive amount of ghostly green light- the gel lantern essentially multiples the amount of light given off by a flame by a hundred times over. The green light is enough to act as a beacon to other ships, or to illuminate the entire deck from the poop- use a baseline of 80 feet of bright light. The lantern also grants magical protection- anyone carrying it gains +2 to spell saves against any spell cast on them within the green light.

The gel inside the green gel lantern has a secondary power. If heated, the glowing goop can be consumed by a creature to make them shed light of 10 feet and become immune to all magical spells and take half damage from magical blasts, damage from weapons, and dragon breathe for the next six combat rounds. Every time some of this gel is consumed in this way; reduce its bright-light radius by -5 feet permanently.

[4] Scarf of Tailwind
It's a long waving red scarf. Whoever wears it can control which way the wind blows; the scarf's tail always majestically waving towards the wearer's new desired direction. The strength of this wind is between a cool breeze and stiff blowing- perfect for sailing, but it cannot beat a storm. It can also quell the wind, causing the scarf to hang down limply.

There is no "cooldown" or curse associated with this magic item. That's probably why some obsessed pirate captain beheads anybody who is wearing a scarf and steal them for his collection- he's trying to find the "one".

[5] Rock of Rismorses
This rock is shaped like a small step pyramid, but more smooth. It was apparently formed by natural forces, except with a few small ridges of tiny notches curved along its surface. This rock must be owned by a pirate captain who can cast spells; because this rock is actually a spellbook.

The rock has three spells etched into it, requiring a small meditation ritual of about a turn to read & prepare by tracing your finger along.

Gulp of Sand - 1st level Conjuration
Causes a mouthful of sand to "come up" from the mouth of whatever the caster points at. It can be a statue, a person (causing them to cough and wasting an action), an animal (making them spit out anyone they have caught in their jaws), and so on. The amount of sand is enough to fill the mouth of the "mouth", and as such a massive statue or huge creature could eject a massive dune of sand.

Anchor - 2nd level Transmutation
Makes anything in the water burdened as though weighed down by an "anchor". This anchor will adjust for the size and weight of the target, but will be roughly enough to keep it from being blown away by the wind, but not enough to cause it to sink. Things with little buoyancy may be dragged under instead. This anchor weight is invisible, but will always hang from the central bottom point of the floating object, and could be "cut" by a magic sword or another spell.

Any aquatic creature or vessel moves as though heavily encumbered, damaged, or having no wind in its sail. You must be within shouting distance to cast this spell on something.

Cant of Survival - 3rd level Abjuration
This spell is a hymn that effects everyone who can hear it. The caster must chant the words without stopping, and can perform no other actions but casting this spell while it is active. While listening to this song, taking damage that would kill you instead reduces you to 1 Hit Point. Every round somebody should have died, the caster must make a saving throw vs magic to continue the spell, else it stops. Every time the caster succeeds this save; make it +1 harder on the next roll until this casting of the spell ends.

These spells are mostly incidental for this stone to have- it's real value as a magical treasure is that it is a rock that floats! It isn't hollow or anything- it just floats in water, so you won't lose it when it gets thrown off the side of the ship.

[6] The Everlemon
An eternally bitter, sweet, juicy lemon. You'll find this as a half of a lemon; it never "heals" itself but it doesn't dry out or lose its flavor- it is always exactly as fresh as a ripe lemon sliced down the middle. If you suck on it, protects you from scurvy. You can also juice it once per day to create another "scurvy ration" for somebody else, or store it to make a lemonade base for potions.

The first half is owned by a pirate somewhere- somebody you rob. The second half is being ever-digested in the belly of a kraken somewhere else.

[7] Godless Finger
Finger of an renowned atheist, thief, war profiteer, and temple-sacker. It is kept in a small box and wrapped in black cloth. The finger never rots, but never bleeds either. If the finger is touched to a holy object, it sizzles and burns, letting you identify items consecrated or blessed with divine power. If the item is demonic, the finger might caress it instead.

Additionally; the finger (index finger of the left hand of a human) can be cleanly stitched to your own hand if you remove the matching finger. The moment you do this, you gain its powers and can identify holy or unholy items. You also gain all of the thief skills of a 3rd level thief, and can use their saves in any category if they are better then yours. If you are already a Rogue/Thief, you treat all of your skills and saves as though you were one level higher. However, you can no longer benefit from divine magic- you cannot be healed and conjured food or water turns to dust in your mouth.

[8] Ballast from the Bay
Not one magic item, but an uncountable many. The "ballasts" are grains of sand from a yellow beach in some part of the world, long since forgotten and unimportant. These grains of sand obey the words of the owner much like a dog. They hate to be separated and the sand will form into a cloud or slither like a large snake over land to be reunited with their "owner". The sand can rapidly duplicate itself or shrink in number; going from a small dune to a powdery handful in about one turn worth of shrinking or duplicating. 

You can also order the sand to "attack" people, which it does mostly be just rushing at them or pouring over them- it has no concept of choking people or sand-blasting their eyes. It can do a maximum of one damage per round, but it could weigh somebody down pretty heavily if it got into their bags. It is terrified of water and will never intentionally sink a ship, and cannot fly over any standing water- even a few droplets make it scared. If told to defend you, it would grant +1 AC vs melee attacks and +3 AC vs ranged attacks or magic blasts, except electricity. Any electrical blast that hits this sand causes it to fall to the ground and wiggle and dune-about in a spasm. This is apparently similar to rubbing a dog's belly, but for sand.

Due to its separation anxiety, and inability to actually help any bloodthirsty pirates who come to posses it, it is usually told to stay on the bottom of the ship and act as a ballast, hence the name. Even so, using it for this purpose is enough to grant a big advantage- any ship with a ballast like this would require no anchor, can turn on a dime, and can quickly lose weight to gain speed faster then crewmen dumping cannonballs or less important crewmen off the sides of the ship. Treat any ship related rolls or checks as +1 and the cargo space of the ship expanded by a few barrels or crew-space worth.

The ballast is animated sand but has a certain level of animal cleverness to it. It treats whoever has recently sat on it the longest as its master. Masters who mistreat it (trying to make it carry them over water, burning it and sending it at enemy ships as an attack, etc.) are likely to find it abandoning them by shoving a few of its grains into the stitching of another person's pants- so eventually they will have "sat" on it the longest.

Four Homebrew Conquerors

In celebration of the Path of Exile developers making this league have a mapping system that doesn't make me want to pull my hair out, let's make some homebrew Conquerors.

Don't know what a "Conqueror" is? Imagine your campaign creeping to an absurd power level. Your party kills Cthulhu. You retire that campaign and make the previous player characters into an even higher power level cosmic level threat. Those are the Conquerors.

[1] Menosa
Born in a slum in the great city of Sarn, this Maraketh girl was brought up by cruelty and sharpened by pain. Her youth was defined at the edge of a knife, both in the struggle to survive and in a literal sense, given the knife fights over food and water in those desperate ghettos.

Once she managed to escape into the Atlas of worlds, her anger and pain crystalized into a thrill of battle and violence. All around her- the worlds in the maps contort to her tastes; most commonly, great urban scenes or decay. Often beauty mixed with rot and corruption- stone temple with soiled sheets hanging between the pillars; converted to an open air brothel. An aquaduct where rushing rats have replaced the water. She is a natural born warrior, as all Maraketh are, but she isn't seeking a worthy foe or a honorable death- it is simply the joy of combat that drove her forward. Unlike many other Conquerors, she never had delusions of using the Atlas for anything else.

As with all Conquerors, extended time in the Atlas has made her personality more extreme and psychotic. Power grows exponentially here. Anyone who faces her feels their eyes sting with upturned sand, nose curl at the smell of sewage, and ears deafen at the sound of her banshee cry- if you can even manage to see her fly through the air before she cuts you down.

[2] The Horseman
Massive black horse with hooves that clip the earth like thunderbolts. On its back is a rider in dusty, dirty armor. The once huge man was probably Ezomyte, maybe even Karui, it's impossible to tell with his helmet. Once the horseman held his lance and rode his beast of war through the lands of the Atlas of Worlds seeking a place of peace, free from war and hatred and greed. But as time went on, his journeys went on and on, countless lands teaming with monsters and foes- hope faded from this once proud warrior. He cowers on the back of the saddle, still unbelievably strong and deadly, but he is no longer the master. The horse now decides where they will go.

The lands around the Atlas shift and bend to the horse's whims- endless flat plains in all directions. Off in the distance, you will sometimes see a lone riding beast- maybe a Rhoa or Rhex, maybe another horse- which scatter the moment you try to get close. This is an animal mind, and it creates an animal world around itself.

This Conqueror, as with all others, is incredibly powerful. The stomping of its hooves shake the ground and it snorts fire. It can run as fast as an avalanche for days at a time- maybe forever. The rider on the horse obediently raises his spear and channels the lightning into its strikes- mountain-puncturing lance tip obliterating anything that dare stand in the steed's way on its endless gallop. This "Conqueror" lacks the bloodthirst of the others- it does not fight simply for the thrill or lust for power, but instead as an animal does- it fights to kill anything that threatens it. If you startle it, it will run. If it is angered, then you shall be destroyed utterly.

[3] Nollux Perandus
Most Conquerors go into the Atlas of Worlds as humans- and they become something more then human. Godlike- divine in stature. Their mortal, human emotions and foibles exaggerated and deadly. Some are not quite so stable. He appears as a bloated corpse, levitating nearly weightless on the air. His chin is recessed into his neck, only a dark red hole where a long seeking tongue extends. His fingers are many-jointed and incredibly agile and delicate, like a butterflies wing. None of these corruptions and mutations have weakened him; as a Conqueror Nollux is as deadly as he is grotesque.

Fleeing the destruction of his entire family bloodline into the Atlas of Worlds; Nollux exemplifies his family's reputation for greed, egoism, and sloth. As he travelled the Atlas, he became more and more powerful, and his greed and lust for luxury grew more and more. The world around him shifts into more beautiful, palatial, and luxurious- cobblestone turns to marble tiles, stalactites grow into stone pillars, metals turn to golds and silvers. While once he scoured the Atlas for luxuries, his tastes have since narrowed and refined. Now- is only true thirst is for wine. Specifically, wine made from the creatures he slayed- his long tongue tasting their fine essences. Tougher creatures that cannot simply be turned into his drink will be locked in golden barrels until they are broken down- this is how Nollux absorbs his newest prey.

Nollux's influence on the Atlas and his own personal strength are such that even getting near him is incredibly dangerous. Everything near him becomes utterly beautiful on the outside, while becoming more and more corrupted within. His twisted form causes normal bodies to shiver or fall to the floor at the mere sight of him, and naturally the insides of those he observes begin to slosh with wine as they are converted. His primary weapon is a mighty hammer, on the face of which is an inlet mold of a perandus coin; so anything he strikes will soften and bear the mark of his family's riches on it.

[4] The Shaman
An Azmeri, or maybe an Oriathan. He goes about almost naked; wearing only a loincloth of beast skins and bone talismans. His body is lean and wiry, but inhumanly strong and agile; as common with primitive men and those lost in the Atlas of Worlds. This shaman connects to the natural world; the Vastiri Desert, the forests of Wraeclast, the snowy wastes of the Kalguurans- he channels to each of these into his magic and it is a fearsome sorcery indeed.

Clearly, his lust for power extended even further once he came to the Atlas. The world around him shifts to one of nature; vines creep and overtake stone and wooden fortifications alike. More and more pristine, spiritually deep, and mystically charged locations are what he seeks. He doesn't seem capable of speech anymore, only grunting as an animal as he casts enchantments. As the Conquerors warp the world around them; his power is one that makes language and runes to convey information fail and blur- less abstract thought is possible in one who views the world through preternatural eyes.

Beyond just the command of the elements, the shaman is deeply skilled in curses and breaking them; capable of cursing other beings to turn into animals or plants, a curse so strong it can remain potent outside the Atlas. Lesser beasts obey his commands, scouring the Atlas and making his territory of spiritual, holy ground free from the sickly hands of mankind.

Adventure from a Picture- Strange Beautiful Light

I've done magic spells based on albums and their artworks before. In those cases, if the artwork looks cool, I'll be inspired to listen to the songs of the album, using their names as spell names, and going where the music takes me. Terrible cliche and pretentious I know, but no album art has inspried a real sense of fantasy adventure in me; until this one. Take it from me, I did not expect it to be from a band named Weed Smoke Rising.

Art & Inspiration from this album

Strange Beautiful Light
In the valley of our lady, stands a great statue to her honor. The lady was a fantastic hero, perhaps a goddess, who once carried a lantern. Maybe she ferried slaves to safety along an underground railroad. Maybe she was the first cleric of the light, or is some kind of lanternkeeper/firekeeper Dark Souls knockoff. Regardless of the reason, she is honored here.

However, a great treasure from the lady's tomb has been taken. Her death mask, golden and unchanged by time, was taken from her corpse that lays within the consecrated church on the hill. Her body, once pristine and impervious to rot and decay, has now lost its supernatural protection. You must return the death mask to her corpse before necrosis begins to destroy the last remains of a great hero.

The most likely suspect to the robbery is a powerful mage- once a friend of the lady, now jealous and depraved. The lady's light-bearing lantern, her greatest symbol, was actually forged by this mage to be immune to wind and rain, to cast supernatural light that blasted apart the undead, and protected from dark sorcery all who lay within the lantern's rays. Of course, where he is and, more importantly, where the mask is now is a mystery you must solve.

The Statue
The statue of the lady is a huge stone construction, well detailed, and true to life beyond its epic scale. The large lantern she holds glows with an unnatural light at all times, though it only becomes truly visible at night or on an overcast day. This lantern is the same one she carried in days of yore, though it has been magically transformed into a huge stone and class chamber suspended from the statue. Travel and camp in this valley is extremely safe, because of the light- it automatically turns the undead, stops evil spells, and makes creatures of chaos vulnerable to attack. The lady's light can be used as a holy symbol for cleric meditation or spell preparation for any clerics of light. 

The first time anyone sees the Strange Beautiful Light, they are fascinated for about an exploration turn, staring at the light's beauty before snapping out of it.

The statue itself is apparently a great stone construction, and has no doors or openings to enter. The statue could be climbed by a very skilled thief or a powerful magician.

The Church Tomb
In the basement of the small church is a tomb. Surrounded on all sides by stone walls with only one stairway down, guarded by heavy oak doors, it is clear magic was used to steal the death mask.

The church tomb is a small five room dungeon inhabited by 2d6 skeleton warriors. They have colorful painted bones and were once the protectors and lovers of The Lady. Normally, these skeletons stay still and silent, happily guarding the tomb forever, but have become animated and attack anyone who enters the tomb. Successful rolls of Turn Undead cause them to go back to sleep for 1d6 turns, and if the result is Destroyed, these skeletons instead go back to sleep until something else is stolen from the tomb; these are holy guardians, not the creations of foul necromancy, so holy magic does not burn them.

There is also a silver line "trap" on the floor that, if crossed, causes a bell in the church to chime softly. This also was not triggered on the night of the theft; hence why the wizard is such a prime suspect.

Searching The Lady's casket, one can see how perfectly preserved her body is, and the faint outline of a mask that was once pressed down on her face. If you examine the area for clues, you can find a feather and a small amount of arcane dust. You can also loot a few other pieces of jewelry and treasure here, but they belong to the lady or are the heirlooms of the wealthiest families from the nearby village and the priest would be very cross with you.

The Lake
In the center of the valley is a small watering hole built up by the rains. The water here is clean and this place can be used as a resting spot. It is about equidistant from everything else.

There is nothing special about this lake but if you sleep on the side of the bank not shrouded by the statue's light; your party has a 1 in 6 chance to be attacked by a gang of fish people (or Kuo-Toa). They are led by a 3 HD sorcerer whose favorite spell is Acid Fog. He'll cast it on the shore so you're forced to fight waist deep in water or run away.

The Roaring Recess
Framed by a great roaring stone mouth, the fearsome gateway is said to scare away evil spirits and protects the foundations of the great statue of the lady. This is the main dungeon. I don't have a map for it, so you'll have to supply one yourself. Just insert a funhouse dungeon you like, or go use donjon and generate a new one. Should be full of generic monsters, traps, magic, and a bit of loot.

Just add the following feature to empty rooms- metallic bird statuettes. Each statuette is located on a stone plinth and is protected by a magical trap. Roll on your favorite spell failure table or random spell list to generate a fitting trap. There are four birds and each is made of a different metal; lead, copper, silver, and gold.

The dungeon also has a secret entrance or exit to properly jaquay the dungeon. Roll a 1d6 to find out where it comes out.

1. Secret door at the base of the Lady's Statue
2. Tunnel connected to underwater cave in the lake 
3. Behind some random rock on the hillside of the dungeon mound
   
4. Very long escape tunnel built into the tomb of the church
5. Secret door along wall of the tower's basement (requires Lead Bird to access)
6. One-way exit from the dungeon; teleport tile makes you appear in the middle of the valley
   

The Tower
This crumbled wizard's tower stands in the dark part of the valley; its view to the Strange Beautiful Light cut off by the body of the statue. It appears as only the ruined base of the tower, with steps that extend and curve into nothing around a central support pillar. If you begin to climb the steps, you can sense strong magic in the air and can see a scrawled drawing of a bird on a pillar. If you continue climbing and follow the steps around the curve, you disappear and end up in an alternate pocket dimension.

The "Tower" dimension is a very dark place shrouded in shadows. The way you came is also gone; you are stuck on an endlessly repeating stairwell. If you go up or down the stairwell, every exploration turn of climbing or descending makes you end up on a large stone landing. This space is wide enough to sleep or rest, and has windows that show the black smoke, but no doors or side rooms. Once you are within the tower dimension, you are trapped and cannot escape. No matter how many flights of stairs you climb in either direction, it repeats endlessly. If the party spends more then 4-5 turns climbing or descending, they become exhausted and get -1 on all combat checks and saves. Jumping out the window is also no escape- you will fall forever through the shadow realm!

However, it's not so inescapable. If you fall from the window or are on any landing, you can look out of a window and see the Strange Beautiful Light from any distance. Characters who stare at the light feel like its guiding them to safety- and if they stare at it for a turn, they are whisked away from the shadowy tower dimension and find themselves back in the realm world, at the base of the statue of The Lady. The only way to access the rooms of the tower are to posses the bird statues, kept away for safe keeping within the Roaring Recess.

Bird Rooms
Each room can only be accessed by its matching bird statuette. However, it may also be possible to bypass these with enough luck or circumstance. If your fighter belongs to a foppish order of knights that adorns their helmets with hummingbirds made of iron, then perhaps you can find the lead door without needing the statuette. Maybe if your party carries around a little yellow canary in a cage to detect poisonous gas; you can find the golden door and the wizard's lair on your first visit. Why not?

Lead Room- Requires the lead bird, and is the only room found if you travel down the staircase from the "entrance". The lead door will appear on the first landing you reach traveling down. As the door is made of lead, it's incredibly heavy and requires someone of 18 Strength to pull open, or a team of people and a lot of patience.

The lead room is a storage room, especially for failed experiments. Because of how annoying it is to get to this room, it is rarely used by the Wizard and the whole thing is covered in a layer of dust. The room is filled with small displays, boxes, disorganized piles of books, and oversized taxidermist monsters looming in the darkness. If you mess with anything roll 1 in 6 for a random monster encounter- the monsters coming out of whatever thing you bumped or animating from the stuffed corpses.

If the party fights two encounters or searches this room thoroughly for a while; they'll eventually find a little locked lead box with an Amulet of Protection within. This amulet makes it so you always succeed your saves vs spells, wands, and magic devices. The amulet almost certainly belonged to The Lady and the Wizard was unable to find a way to destroy it, so locked it away.

Copper Room- Requires the copper bird, and will be the first door you come to after one turn of walking up the tower's steps. The copper door leads to a set of three hallways with more copper doors leading to small rooms. The floor of this level is made of stone, but a long single piece of copper flooring connects every room and crosses under every doorway; stopping only at the main door to enter this room. The end of each hall spits out into a large common room with a huge table for meals and adjoining kitchen and pantry.

This was once a servant's quarters, or perhaps barracks for The Wizard's apprentices. Around this floor are several traps in the form of electrical devices, or electric eels in water urns in the kitchen. If any of this hits the copper floor, it will shock anyone in the hallway or touching a door for 1d6 lightning damage. If you are in a room when this happens, you can't open the door without getting shocked. One room has an almost complete demonic summoning circle underneath the bed; if the players complete it with the red chalk in that apprentice's room, the circle spits out 50 1 HD imps, two at a time, until the floor is totally overrun. Yes, you are supposed to zap all of them if you want a chance. One room also contains a 4 HD minotaur barbarian, napping peacefully under the effects of a permanent sleeping spell. The wizard intends to make him solve mazes- if he ever gets around to building one. If you wake him up he'll assume you're working for the wizard and attack with his battleaxe.

Silver Room- Requires the silver bird. The wizard's private quarters. The doorway is magical and makes the sound of a chime when opened. Since it's made of silver, it also bares passage to lycanthropes and magical creatures like faeries, who cannot pass through even if held open by something else. The doorway opens into a circular chamber with two curved doors and four windows. Each window looks out onto a beautiful vista of a random far away place in a different season- one summer field, one autumn forest, one winter lake, etc. Each one of these places is actually another pocket dimension, and getting shunted out of a window traps you in a strange wilderness; but you can return to the valley of the lady by looking up into the sky and seeing that Strange Beautiful Light once again.

The central room is a sitting room and living space, with a desk and writing table. Crammed in the fireplace is a cauldron too big for it. There is a tiny switch that turns on the fire; it is a magical golden flame that warms and heats, but does not hurt living flesh. It deals double damage a fire of that size would deal to undead creatures. The candles and lanterns of this tower are lit with its golden radiance.

The two doors lead into a bathroom and a bedroom. The bathroom has a waterfall "cut out" from another place, with rocks and lichen growing on the stones roughly inserted into this room. Occasionally, a fish or random animal will fall down the waterfall and exit out the bottom- a grate covers an exit portal. There is also a small toilet in this room with a portal to dispose of waste.

There is a 1 in 6 chance that the Wizard is in his chambers when you visit. Because the door alerts the occupant that somebody is coming, you won't find him sleeping or on the toilet or anything UNLESS you dispel the door first, or have some kind of magical super-thief that can slip under doorways or something. In which case you could probably just stab him in his sleep. Scattered around this place are several expensive pieces of jewelry and a small hoard of silver coins. On the desk is a small glass prism with a blue tint- it glows a deeper shade of blue whenever a Wizard touches it. This is a major magic item called a Spell Prism that can split magical effects into multiple smaller copies- such as a fireball being turned into a bunch of 1d6 mini fireballs if the spell is cast directly on the prism itself. The prism is invulnerable.

Golden Room- Requires the golden bird and is the last door you will find while going up the magic tower. The door is enchanted and will cast a save or die curse on anyone who touches it without the wizard's permission. It is possible to "trick" this door if you are dressed up as the wizard, or are carrying one of his special artifacts.

This door leads to a magical workshop. It is a rectangular room with several tables and large, esoteric arcane machines. The wizard is here almost all of the time. Several half-finished magic items litter the tables, and many gemstones and magical reagents are scattered among the shelves on the sides. On the close end of the room is a huge glass orb, similar to a bubblegum machine, filled to the prim with lightly glowing marbles of a million different colors. On the far end of the room is a large window which shows a view to the actual valley from the vantage of where the tower and this floor would exist in the real world- and the back of the statue of The Lady and the ominous Strange Beautiful Light. just behind her arm.

If you get into a fight in this room, the wizard will engage you. If you tip over or break the marble jar, all hell breaks loose as a random magical effect goes off every round.

At the base of the window is the golden Death Mask of the Lady. Whenever the Wizard leaves this room, he conjures a magical glass case over it to protect it. If you touch the glass case, it shrieks like a banshee and explodes, dealing 1d8 damage and instantly alerting the Wizard wherever he is.

The Wizard
The Wizard was once a companion to the Lady. He made the magical lantern of light that made her so famous, but it became her symbol, not his. It was so much thought to be hers that once she died, it was magically bound to her statue and soul, meaning he could not take it back. In jealousy, he began to hate the Lady and the people of this town, and hid his tower away with his magic. He's not evil yet- his alignment would probably be neutral at this point. If he starts killing people to keep hold of the mask, he will certainly become more depraved. The Wizard could probably be reasoned with; but he's likely to lash out at anyone trying to steal the mask with spell and fury.

After finishing his lastest great work of artifice, the Wizard realized he could steal the Death Mask and use it in a magical ritual to return the light to him. If you don't stop him, he will perform a ritual at the foot of the state of The Lady and absorb the light; gaining +1 HD and the power of a Limited Wish spell as a daily power.

Give the Wizard stats equal to a level 20 or name level Wizard. He's an archmage and pretty scary. However, he casts spells as though he was a few levels weaker. That's because he both drained some of his power to create the light AND his specialty was always the creation of magic items, not spellcasting. The wizard once had to use the four metal birds to access his own tower, but once he completed his great work, he no longer needed them and put them in the Roaring Recess for safekeeping. The Wizard always carries three of his great works;

The Coring Tool
Looks like a metallic wand with a button on the side. Can be stuck in something to take out a portion of its magic or enchantments on it. Things like water, stone, or the earth can just be stuck, where as creatures would need to be hit with an attack roll. This tool crystalizes a portion of the magical essence into a tiny marble. These marbles are used by the Wizard and his machines to transfer or craft magical essences.

The Tileothfric
Small finely crafted wooden box with dozens of ivory tiles within. Each tile is double sided and has a character of Angelic script on one side and another character of Infernal on the other. If these tiles are laid out before a magical item, the will scramble up and reveal the enchantment or magical effect of the item- good effects will flip the tiles to the Angelic side to be named, and cursed or destructive magic effects flip to the Infernal side to reveal themselves. Essentially it allows you to identify magic items as long as you know Angelic for positive effects and/or Infernal.

Ring of Transportation
This magic ring is the Wizard's greatest creation. It looks like a golden band, with the engraving of a bird in flight along its length. As long as you wear this ring, you can teleport to any location you can think of. You have to either have visited that place before, or be able to envision it; some sort of knowledge of the place, however tertiary, is required. Every time you use this ring, it leaves behind a feather. It also grants the power of the Flight spell on the wearer at all times at will, even after all the charges of the ring have been used up.

The ring has about four charges remaining.

Storylines & Conclusion

If the party kills the Wizard and returns the Death Mask, they will be paid a pittance by the church, but are local heroes. (And can still steal everything in the Wizard's tower) The one who places the death mask on the corpse of The Lady will be rewarded by being able to conjure the Strange Beautiful Light once per day. This light grants a roll of Turn Undead equal to a Cleric one level higher then the character, cancels ongoing magic effects cast by evil beings, counts as a light spell for one exploration turn, and can also Charm Person if shown to someone who has never seen it before. Additionally, the Strange Beautiful Light stays where it is, keeping this valley as a safe place.

If the party kills the Wizard but do not return the Death Mask, they can instead choose to try and steal the Strange Beautiful Light for themselves. Stealing the light requires a bit of research and a ritual to be cast at the foot of the statue of the lady. Whoever steals the light gets +1 HD and the ability to cast a Limited Wish once per day. If the "power" of the light is shared among the whole group using the Spell Prism, each party member can reroll their HD and take the new result if higher, gets +1 to their highest ability score, AND gets the ability to cast one 1st level spell once per day for free, regardless of their class. The spell they can cast is determined randomly.

If the party tries to ransom the mask back to the church for a bigger payout, or stick around in the valley a few months after the light is gone, they will be hunted by a squad of Paladins.

If the party helps the Wizard he will reward them with a fitting magic item, one per party member. The fighter will be given a +1 magic sword, the thief a cloak of shadows, etc. He'll probably give them something out of storage then commission something new- but he has plenty. Under no circumstances will he give anyone the Amulet of Protection.

If the party convinces or threatens the Wizard into giving up, he'll begrudgingly return the mask in exchange for all four of his statuettes back before kicking them out of his tower. However, it is not easy to threaten a Wizard, and anything you have to offer in exchange will have to be either very valuable or very magically important- he'll gladly give up the mask in exchange for a genie, for example.

If the party interrupts the Wizard's ritual to steal the light he will summon monsters to try and stall them. He'll also probably fly up to finish the ritual in the air out of reach. If he is struck with an arrow or other ranged attack, he'll fail the ritual and be burned alive by the light- taking 4d10 damage. If he survives, he'll teleport away and leave a single feather behind- but not in his tower. He will retreat to a far away elvish land to nurse his wounds and scheme.

If the party does nothing or fails to stop the Wizard in time, he'll probably just ignore them and lord over this valley. His magic tower will be returned from its pocket dimension and he'll recruit a small army of chaotic creatures to do his bidding. By the end of the first year; he'll have torn down the statue of The Lady, have shifted fully to an evil alignment, and be well on his way to researching spells to make him into a God.

If the light goes out for any of the reasons above; the statue's protective powers will fade away. After a few weeks, the fish people will begin attacking people who pass by, goblins will begin to hunt the mountainsides, and eventually more powerful evil creatures will come as well bringing darkness and fear to the people. This also means the dimension of the tower will be permanently separated from the prime material plane; meaning anyone who enters will be trapped there unless if they have the Ring of Transportation or some other highly powerful magic ability to escape the tower.