Makes Clowns a Race in your next Campaign

Original art @Ariel VH I think

There are a small set of character archetypes or "conditions" like vampirism or lycanthropy that can be attached to characters which keeps them human, but subtly different. Enough that they would still have "human" on their character sheet, but may have different abilities or a life that is significantly different from the other people in the same world. Much of these characters pathos comes from this separation they have with normal people; either a curse or blessing; and much time and energy is spent to examine them from their more human side or how they were before their change.

But you ever notice how nobody does this for clowns?

Superheros have alter-egos and their secret, civilian identities. Werewolves have their human form and the beast which they must keep in check. But clowns are just clowns. You notice how rarely we see clowns in media not in costume? We rarely examine their lives outside of when they are a clown. Even serious, scary clowns are only scary and serious because they are clowns. The only exceptions to this is the infamous Pagliacci and I guess Joker from Joker but not the Batman Joker who is a clown even in his off-time, where as Batman becomes Bruce Wayne. Just say it out loud to see what I mean; you can say Bob is a Human Fighter and he also got turned into a vampire. This is a sensible character concept. But if you say "Bob is a human fighter and he dressed like a clown" it wouldn't sound right. "Bob is a clown fighter" sounds better. Ergo, Clowns are a race.

Art @Poco

They Come From Clowntown
Clowns come from the big circus. Maybe it's a special flying city (or better, a city on stilts) where it's always in the carnival season. Maybe it's from the magical traveling circus where orphaned children end up, never to be seen again as they join the performers as new clowns. Maybe they're fully formed from the dreams and nightmares of the people of other races, which is why clowns sometimes have pointed ears or short and fat like a dwarf. Maybe they are just made normally with some very behind-closed-doors clown sex. Regardless, clowns live separate from the other races in the world. Their existence is magical in nature, as they don't really eat food the way other races do, instead eating emotions and attention. They don't worship the normal Gods; they worship the Fake God. It's not a false God, it's very real, it's just simply not a very serious one.

Clowns are roughly divided into two categories or subraces. Light and Dark.

Light Clowns are all about laughter, jokes, and traditional gags and pranks. They're very kindhearted and are often the butt of the joke. They fill a very supportive role both in comedy and in a party dynamic.

Dark Clowns are a bit edgy. They like darker humor, schadenfreude, and getting the last laugh. They are much more independent of the clowning types are more likely to take the lead from others instead of helping.

In traditional clowning, you could think of a Light clown as being the Auguste and the Dark Clown as more of the Whiteface clown; but the types are somewhat independent from alignment or role in comedy. Just think of the Light Clown as being the traditional clown and the Dark Clown as more of a jester or "badass" clown. Dropsy is a Light Clown, Shaco is a Dark Clown. Ronald McDonald is a Light Clown, Jester from Gauntlet or Darkest Dungeon and all horror clowns are basically all Dark Clowns. The girl clown from trying to get it ate? 100% Dark Clown.

While the Light Clown & Dark Clown dichotomy is very important in their society, it isn't necessarily an inborn trait. Clowns can switch between being light or dark, with some even getting stuck in the middle as a Mime. Mimes are like neutral alignment clowns but they also literally can't talk until they "find their voice" again. Most people assume it's a new joke when the clown in the party starts doing charades and dropping the colors from their outfit but no they're actually having an existential crisis until they figure out if they're gonna go Light side or Dark side again.

Clowns mostly stay in the circus or dream realm. This is where their food is most abundant, and where they can get up to their antics with less resistance from the other races. But sometimes, clowns are ejected from the big top and forced to go out into the world. Usually this is because they're not funny (if you never found clowns funny, it's because the funny ones don't get banished), but sometimes it's because they seek ancient knowledge; like the punchline to a forgotten ancestral joke or the recipe to the sherbet cream pie; which leaves a perfect rainbow of colors on people splatted in the face by it instead of the plain white that clownkind has settled for in the many centuries since this knowledge was lost.

See the difference?

Playing as Clowns
Ability Scores- Increase either Dexterity or Charisma by +2
Size & Speed- Medium & As Human
Alignment- Can be Good or Evil, but almost always Chaotic.
Languages- Common, Gobbledygook (Used by clowns and lawyers exclusively)
Skill Proficiencies- Perform & Acrobatics
Abilities- All Clowns have a nigh-infinite number of tricks they can perform. These can effortlessly entertain children and the simple minded, and can also be used to trick people, but essentially work as the spell Prestidigitation. If it's for anything important, then they can do it three times per day.

Then, depending on the type of Clown, they get a second ability.

Light Clowns get the ability to Slapstick. Whenever they fail a skill check or take a tumble, they can reduce the amount of damage taken to one point of damage maximum. This can only be used for out of combat scenarios or relatively low-risk engagements, like getting hit over the head with a bottle in a bar fight. Alternatively, a Light Clown can willingly take an enemy's attack, automatically allowing the attack to succeed without a To-Hit roll, but reduces the damage taken as though every attack die rolled was a one. This is always accompanied by a Gag; like getting hit on the head with a hammer and the clown falls down with a clang, but reveals a small anvil hidden under their hat.

Dark Clowns get the ability of Prank. Whenever someone fails an attack roll or skill check nearby them, the Dark Clown can reveal it was a prank and they caused it; granting them advantage on their next attack against that target. For example, a goblin desperately tries to steal your lantern from your hip to put it out before their ambush but fails. The Dark Clown reveals a very long hankerchief chain tying it around their waist, then coils the cloth around both hands and starts choking the goblin out with the colorful garrote wire. If this rule is too unusable, then instead Dark Clowns can just use Perform rolls in place of Attack or Stealth rolls for sneak attacks.

Clowns naturally take up roles like Bards, Rogues, and Artificers. Few Gods tolerate Clown followers and worshippers, and the Fake God has very little interest in worship, and so few are Clerics or Paladins. Despite their love of physical comedy, they make absolutely terrible Monks.

Endless Summer

This concept is named after the final chapter of Rockstar's Bully, which is the freedom chapter with no story missions where the player is allowed to explore the entire world and complete all of the side content they didn't finish during the main campaign. But I first felt it strongest during the post-game of Neversoft's GUN for the PS2, which was coincidentally the first "Cowboy GTA" before Rockstar made Red Dead Redemption.

In GUN, you have a linear story and mission structure. The map is segmented into a few zones, with story-specific areas locked off or built into the overworld. Along with this, the game has a few limited sandbox zones, mostly in the generic western one-street town where the player can gain a wanted level, and then a very limited number of side activities like hunting rare animals or bounty hunting missions out in the wider world. I remember feeling that this world was very vast despite the technological restraints, and how realistic it all felt despite how quaint it looks today. But the purpose of this post is not nostalgia-bait.

Near the beginning of the game there is a mission where you are battling in a fort. I don't remember exactly who you're fighting or why, but you can go back here after progressing, even during the post-game. This area is separated from the "main" mostly desert western setting, being a more green forested area with waterfalls. I remember playing the game after beating it, and traveling back here on my horse. Running back through the fort, I was put on a very linear path, the same as you ran through in the story sections, and found the entire area was extremely closed in an simple, like a piece of the linear level structure placed into this open world. You were never really intended to come back here. Similarly dotted around the map were the rare animal locations and bounty missions, which once you collected them and the rewards you could revisit them and find them empty, with nothing there. There's even a mysterious spiritual indian cave not to far from the main town, which serves no purpose except in a single story cutscene, but you can freely travel there whenever you wish once you have the ability to move about in the open world.

The vibe this game put off was incredible to me. It was a very specific feeling; the world is alive, but not by much. The great beasts of the land were slayed, the great wilds already plundered and looted, the important characters fading away or disappeared after their story cutscenes wrote them out. You can still "play" in it, but the facade becomes obvious as the seams come loose. But it's important to remember that this is only because you've already completed the main quest. Before that point, as long as a quest marker or mission pops up on your compass, anything could happen, any new area could open up. But once the main story has completed and its emotional arc is concluded, you're left with a world that feels strangely empty and forlorn.

What if a fantasy world could end up in this state?

Endless Summer
The dark lord has been defeated. The evil cult has been thwarted from summoning their dark God, and the portal that could allow it to enter our world is shut for good. The corruption that plagued the minds of all sorcerers and magic users has been banished as the astral parasite was removed, and society is freed from their influence. The great emotional and dramatic arc of the world has been completed. But then... nothing happens.

People still go about their daily lives, but something is different. New spells and technologies stop being invented. Monsters become more and more rare. All of the great relics and items that could constitute a great quest have been found already, and no new ones are discovered. Time has not stopped, but the meaningful progression of time seemingly has. There may still be conflict over resources and races and between religious orders and factions, but they all seem trite and unimportant, just repeats of more significant conflicts in the past. It's like the world has run out of "content".

In a (not live service) video game, this happens because of the limitations of the developers and eventually the memory of the disc or cartridge or other hardware. There is only so much "game" they can make or want to make. But in a secondary fantasy world space, the events of the world that we invent (either as historical background lore or as a campaign to be played within) are diegetic; they come from cause-effect relationships in the world, exactly as the real world and the endless churning wheel of time. But that doesn't necessarily have to be the case.

Perhaps the Gods have gotten bored of their creation, and went off to astral realms or higher realities to abandon this one. Perhaps the great apocalypse the heroes stopped was supposed to have happened, the heroes were supposed to have failed. Now the great weave of fate has run out of thread, and a great vitality and potentiality to everything has been sapped from the world itself, invisibly, leaving the world the same size, the same depth, but there is simply less in it.

This concept is distinct from a fantasy world having an "Age of Sail" or "Magic Industrialization" moment, as these are a great change which may kill a bit of the magic or fill in the corners of the map, but still lead to great story opportunities or  uncovering many mysteries. The Endless Summer is a bit more of an anti-mystery, and anti-quest. There are no more quests. The world has history, but it's the end of history. It's like an aged MMO where you see a bunch of epic level adventurers running around in glowing magma-forged gear shining with exotic mounts crowding the main town doing the same daily quests. No new players are joining the game.

What is the eventual fate of such a world? I do not know. Maybe the elves and dwarves and orcs and humans who have made a truce with each other decide to defeat the dark lord of undeath decide to break the truce, but their heart just isn't in it, and the next year they reinstate it for lack of things to fight over. Maybe the old bickering blood-feud between two families comes to a standstill as whenever some obscure relative is killed of one family, a new indistinguishable one appears from some far off corner; like they're appearing out of nowhere to keep things the same. Farmers fields seem more and more stable each passing year, raids from goblins are less effective, and adventurers clearing out their caves find the exact same artifacts as the last group from last year. It's as though things grinding to a halt, and the invisible machinery behind the scenes has begun to break down. The most existential and deadly of all fates that can befall a world is this one, as any attempt to escape it or change the course is stopped with incredible inertia as people become totally set in their ways, uncaring, keeping the same problems and the same solutions, as if ontologically worn out and trapped in a diorama. Like a demiurge's creation sealed in a glass case and glued down to preserve it in this one state forever. The sun is still bright and the grass still sways and the crickets chirp and all is peaceful in the summer sun but the peaceful summer day never ends.

Blaster Colors by Noble Gases

Art @Nick Gindraux

I've always been real curious about how blasters from Star Wars are supposed to work. I think they're probably one of the most staple and iconic sci-fi weapons (besides maybe the lightsaber); works as a perfect general energy weapon gun replacer.

But I always felt the element of what color or the exact explanation of how the bolts work was somewhat lacking.  Red for the common or normal bolts, green for good ones, blue for ionized for use against bots, etc. I don't care, I don't know shit about Star Wars, sorry.

Obviously it doesn't matter, given its a movie or whatever, but I like to think of their implementation in setting if you wanted to copy them for something else. This suddenly gave me an idea.

Blaster Colors by Noble Gas
The color of a blaster bolt is based on whatever noble gas is used to fill it; after all, they are energized plasma bolts of gas, so the same principles of neon lights apply here. Pure gases are usually used by matter of convenience and because it looks cooler, even though you could realistically get almost any color by combining them.

Why use noble gases instead of a more common gas? Simple; they don't react to things. This makes them ideal for blaster ammunition, as they won't suddenly oxidize the inside of the gun barrel or try to molecular-bond with each other while being charged.

Now you may think that this means each gas-color is really unique and has some really specific function, but no, I actually think it's cooler if they don't. Instead, their molecular mass is the most important aspect, and greatly influences their properties like flight speed, accuracy, how much heat it produces, and how much energy from the firing mechanism they can store. The more energy is applied to the bolt, the stronger its heat and explosive effects will be.

Helium bolts (yellow) are super lightweight, and as such fly the fastest and are extremely accurate, but do almost no damage. At low power settings they're ideal for training and target shooting; getting hit by one is like a spitball. At high power, they scatter the molecules too fast to be of much explosive use, but rapidly pushing out air can still knock lightweight objects out of the air, meaning they're used for sport shooting and shooting down fast moving targets like drones or small animals for game hunting without destroying the meat or pelt. Continuous beam style blasters also use this because it generates the least waste heat; you can use these for your mining lasers.

Xenon bolts are the opposite, ultra-heavy atomically and slow, most effected by gravity and wind resistance giving them a slight spread, but are very powerful. The blue bolts are synonymous with stun bolts used at low power settings, which is like getting slapped with a ton of wet blankets, but are so slow a skilled human might actually be able to dodge these with a head start and a diving leap. At high power settings? Become explosive and blow the fuck out of fortifications and used against heavily armored vehicles and orbital bombardment; being more synonymous with artillery. Use these for your blaster grenade launchers.

The colors in-between are on this spectrum; Neon (red) are fast and accurate enough to be used for sniping and low power enough to be used for handheld weapons without melting the gun in your hands or blowing a hole through the inside hull of a ship. White-Blue Krypton bolts are used for heavily armored targets and vehicles who might be too fast for a Xenon bolt to hit easily, like aircraft or spaceships. Argon bolts are right in the middle, being a perfect purple middle ground that's most used by scouts, raiders, and player-characters since they have no idea if they're going to be shooting at regular people or a rancor and need options.

In D&D terms? Blasters probably do like 4d6 damage or something. But maybe;

Gas	To-Hit Bonus	Damage Bonus	Color
Helium	+2	-4	Yellow-Orange
Neon	+1	-2	Red
Argon	0	0	Purple
Krypton	-1	+2	White-Blue
Xenon	-2	+4	Blue

Also the colors go top to bottom in order for resolving who hits first. So if two people shoot each other at the same time, the person with the lighter gas hits the other first and throws off their aim and wins the duel.

AI stuff from 5 years ago (Random Table)

Weird, isn't it?

About 5 years ago, I was much more active in producing content for this blog, and part of that was trying to find things to write about. One such concept was with AI. The oldest AI generation tools out there were really new, and for me? An interesting way to produce some content for the blog. The idea being to put in some keywords and try to get something useful to interpret out of the AI generated images; the blurry and chaotic messes which, at the time, couldn't produce anything useful. It was meant to be one of those weird gimmick posts; content for a human driven creation. 

I generated a bunch of random images using ganbreeder, later called Artbreeder, clicking on similar images to try and refine the images, and then giving them a name and interpret the messes into something tabletop related, like a monster or magic item. This is almost opposite on how AI is used now. We create a prompt, and the AI interprets it, instead of us interpreting the early creations.

But then, for some reason, I never actually wrote up the blogpost, and the images just sat on my harddrive doing nothing. From a simple gimmick into something that has really come to define and threaten many creative fields and creators, and has become the politicized issue. I like to think of this as a bit as a time capsule.

Random Stuff you may Encounter (Roll 1d6)

[1] Great Luminous Seahorse
Looks like a giant seahorse-shaped lump of algae, seaweed, and flotsam quietly drifting on the seabed, with barely contained light spilling out from the cracks. It's a giant glowing seahorse which uses its long tongue and tail to cover as much of its body as it can with camouflage to prevent it from being targeted by predators or human hunters.

Great Luminous Seahorse (6 HD, +2 AC Camouflage, 1d6+1 Kick, 2d6 Healing Power, Shocking Light) 
Morale- 7
Number- Just one, 1% chance of a breeding pair with little babies (1 HD)

Because it glows when not covered, it is very easy to spot. However, it can shed off its "skin" to scare away predators as a last resort, blinding them with light (morale check or be stunned). Finally, the Seahorse has the innate power to heal other beings by channeling some of its inner light, resulting in a 2d6 healing effect on anything it wants once per day. It seems smart enough to know who is a threat to it, and will do things like heal sharks or random monsters who are attacking the party if it feels like they'd be more likely to attack it. 

If caught and dragged onto the beach and drained of its glowing fluid, can be used to create a magic lantern oil that turns the undead while it burns and can also be drank to restore your health. Each Seahorse has an amount of oil (1 turn / 1 Hit-Point worth of drink) equal to its total Hit-Points remaining. This means it is much better to catch it while dealing minimal damage. These creatures are very likely to go extinct soon.

[2] Almost People
They almost look like people. People shaped, with folds that make the appearances of faces, clothes, shoes, mismatched fabric-like textures. Not actually people, neither physically or spiritually. Often found crowding around the town squares of deserted and ruined towns, or sometimes traveling in a great group on a "pilgrimage" together, with one or two terrified and emaciated young humans among their midst.

The Almost People feed off validation and attention. If you treat them like people in any way, such as a greeting, offering them food, threatening them, offering to trade, etc. they drain one point of your Charisma and become much more interested in you, staying around to get more of that "humanity" they in all way lack. It is very difficult to get rid of them; as even threatening or insulting them counts as giving them attention; which also heals them by 1d4 Hit-Points each time they drain a point of charisma. The two main methods are to kill them, which must be done without treating them as an opponent (unsheathe your sword to "inspect" it, slashing one in the process) or to ignore them, which is easier said then done. They can't really fight back traditionally (1 HD, 1d2 misshapen fists, -2 AC, etc.) so instead pantomime fighting and take up a stance, perhaps with a crooked sword, trying to get their opponent to pretend they are a real combatant by treating them as a real threat.

Some believe the Almost People are a precursor to the Plague of Men, or some of the "men" who are still in their larval state. Arguably less dangerous in this form, and less psychologically draining to destroy.

[3] Flying Salvation
Sounds like fabrics rustling in the wind, offputtingly large. Only ever arrives from over the horizon in response to a true prayer of need. Animals go quiet in its presence. It looks like an ever-unfurling mass of fabrics and sheets, blooming like a flower. It simultaneously feels as gentle as a butterflies wing and like you're in the eye of the storm.

Flying Salvation (7+7 HD, +7 AC, +7 To-Hit, Angelic, Sweep Away)
Morale- It does not flee from anything you can muster.
Number- Only one.

The Salvation represents something wholly good and uninterested in the affairs of the mundane world; it never touches anything physical, only sweeping besides and generating great gusts of wind. Maybe it's a "Spirit of the Upper Air". As an Angelic being, it is immune to holy magic and banishes all illusions. Instead of attacking, it simply sweeps things away on a successful attack; a wind vortex that touches one person and sweep them into the horizon fast enough to smear them across the sky but leaves the dandelions besides them in the grass unscathed. It can do this to any weight of being, or blast buildings apart; though it can only sweep away one thing per round. When the wicked hide inside a building, it first must sweep the roof away before the next majestic motion of fabric reaches inside and erases the sinners.

[4] Fairy Nautilus
An aquatic fairy. The Fae version of a shellfish. Looks like an elegant shell with two membranous wings that let it float majestically through the water; can only muster a pathetic hopping on ground, unable to sustain its own weight in flight.

While technically a creature, too weak and passive to be a threat to anyone. Hides in places where fairies usually do, but underwater, like underneath a rock shelf with stacked cairn stones or inside a dollhouse inside a sunken ship. Much like a fairy, you can catch it in a bottle and carry it around as an extra "life". (heals you 1d6 Hit Points when you take a lethal hit, but the fairy escapes the bottle). However, this one only works under water. Sometimes when you perform a mortal strike against a giant evil shark or kraken and it burps up some blood but doesn't die? It actually spit one of these out; stored in its stomach instead.

[5] Blue Shell Face
Found only in shallow, cursed pools within the Sapphire Mountains; these parasitic shells latch onto the faces of beings who try to wash their faces in the pools. Unfortunately, they only seem to spare ugly people, only attaching to beautiful hosts (Charisma 13+)

Anyone with a Blue Shell Face attached to them gains +1 AC and immediately halves their Charisma. The shell has control over its hardness, and will choose to become harder and less flexible to prevent its host from speaking (no spell casting) until the shell is fed. It eats whatever the host eats, slupring up some food before hinging open the shell-portion covering the hosts mouth to let them eat too. Can be removed with a remove curse spell, with a prybar (dealing 1d6 damage and -1d4 Charisma permanently to the host), or with a steady diet of muscle relaxants which make the shell fall of naturally (and will make the host extremely floppy, high, and useless for the next 1d6 days).

[6] Purple Stickthing
Found most commonly in forgotten and wayward pocket dimensions and otherspaces created by Sorcerers; these creatures seem to grow from stagnant magical energy and unrealized arcane potential. Have no visible eyes, mouth, or nose, yet always point the tip of their triangular "head" towards nearby magic users and beings. If you have no magic spells, items, or powers you are invisible to these creatures.

Purple Stickthings (2 HD, +2 AC, 1d4+1 leg bash, Haywire Spells)
Morale- 12
Numbers- 2d4

Congregate in open places standing silently, but usually under some kind of cover, like a temple roof or forest canopy. Whenever they detect magic, they will "chirr" which slowly wakes up the group. This takes a round, meaning you won't lose initiative and you can back away if you're stealthy enough.

While the Stickthings can't cast spells themselves, they seem to be able to control magic. Spells and spell-like effects go their way; they automatically make saves against spells and can splash some of it back towards their opponents. They can activate your magic items in inconvenient ways when used (levitation becomes uncontrolled and flings you into a rock, summons stand still or turn on their summoner without a control check, etc.)

Curiously, these creatures do not show up in dimensions used or frequented, only in the old and decaying ones, or ones whose connections to the material world are almost up. They are not like any living creature on earth, but their skin and coverings is most similar to insects; which has lead to the belief that the stickthings are like moths; consuming the enchantments that make up places that should no longer be.

Deadlock Character Design is neat + Tabletop Class Specializations via Abilities

So I've been playing Deadlock recently. Played it a bunch last year and playing it a bit more now that more characters have been added and it's been getting some decent updates. While the game at its core is a hyper-competitive MOBA mixed with MOVEMENT SHOOTER elements, and is as such even more repellent to the casual gaming audience who only sometimes plays only competitive games like me, I DO quite appreciate the design of many of its heroes.

Deadlock's heroes all have their own gimmicks and niche, but one thing I appreciate is that many heroes have a "balanced" kit.

Teamwork Focused TTRPG Classes
The idea here is to steal a MOBA or Deadlock style active abilities and shift them for TTRPG classes. So each class would have three abilities in this simple example, one focused on offense, survival or escape, and healing/support of teammates. This would be in addition to attack, move, using items, etc.

Whenever you level up, in addition to your hit points and to-hit bonuses, you get to increase the Y value of one ability, forcing you to specialize in your niche of support rogue, or offensive fighter, etc.

Fighter
Power Strike- The classic. You swing your sword, but harder. You must declare this move before you make your attack roll; which is modified by Y-3 (this means you actually get a higher chance to hit with enough investment, what of it?) and on hit you deal damage +Y. Each time you use this, reduce your Y by -1 until you take a short rest to recoup your strength.

Second Wind- Instead of attacking, you can spend your round breathing in deep and restoring some of your endurance and strength. You restore 1d6+Y Hit Points, usable once per day.

Defender- Whenever adjacent to an attacked ally, you can step in the way of the attack and have the enemy try to hit you thru your AC instead of your ally. Whenever you do this, you can increase your AC by +(1/2)Y.

Rogue
Cheap Shot- If you attack a target upon whom you have some advantage; such as the target being blinded, you being behind them, the target is tripped, etc. You automatically deal maximum damage on a hit and add an additional +Yx2 damage.

Evasion- Instead of attacking, you can spend your round dodging enemy attacks. You ran tumble (move-thru) and force enemies to use their prepared attacks or attacks of opportunity on you. You can do this a number of times or squares equal to Y, but enemies still get a chance to hit you using your normal AC or saving throw chance. You can increase your AC when performing this action by +(1/2)Y.

Distract- Whenever you are adjacent to an enemy, you may choose to distract them instead of attacking. Each adjacent enemy gets a negative of Y to their To-Hit modifier. Whenever you move-thru or tumble past an enemy, they also receive this negative for the round.
Note- Instead of directly healing allies, the Rogue distracts enemies. This could be like a bard issuing taunts and making fun of the enemies, a thief-acrobat tumbling past them and tying their shoes together, maybe a monk hitting pressure points, etc.

Mage
Empower Spell- By taking an extra round to incant a magic word, you can increase the Spell-Level of a Spell you cast by one, up to a maximum of Y.

Jinx- Select an enemy within view and gesture at them, hitting them with a minor curse. If they perform a specific action you dictate on the next round (such as "attack me"), they take Y damage automatically. This manifests as bad luck, something breaking, random sparks jumping at them from a nearby fire, etc. All enemies hit with a Jinx always know what action they are forbidden from taking and can choose to do something else to avoid triggering the Jinx. You can also only forbid one specific action with a Jinx, so "advancing towards me" could be a Jinx, but "moving at all" can't be.

Power Ward- Blocks (Y-1) Spell-Levels worth of spells targeted at you or any party member. Once you activate the ward, it requires constant concentration to maintain and you cannot perform any other action then keeping the ward up. Once the ward is broken thru, or your concentration is broken, you must prepare to cast the ward again by studying your spellbook as per any Spell. 

Cleric
Burning Light- Creates a light source equal in luminosity/radius to Yx5 in ft or squares. Deals one damage per round to all undead or evil beings illuminated by it. Lasts Y rounds.

Desperate Plea- Instantly heals one person by (1/2)Y Hit-Points. Instant as in instant. Can be done even if the Cleric is stunned, immobilized, turned away, blinded, etc. They just have to pray and believe, and it happens. Usable once per day.

Blessing of Protection- Gives a party member +1 to AC and Saves for Y rounds. Takes a round to bless them, but otherwise no limit. Blessing someone again with this just refreshes the duration.

Alien Biomass Severity Warning System

You ever have a dream where you get so mad at the sheer incompetence or stupidity on display that you halfway wake up and think about ways to fix it? I just had that.

I was dreaming that a new unidentified bunch of goop that clung to the ground appeared at a coastal city. It was pink to skin colored, and was thought to be alien, appearing along the beach and ocean-front caves. The news made a big deal about how they don't know how it spreads, if it's dangerous, or what it feeds on, when there was a VERY OBVIOUS shadowy indentations just underneath the biomass that were human shaped. I took the picture off the website and opened it in mspaint or photoshop and outlined the shadowy bits that poked out from the smooth biomass floor, and very obviously got human silhouettes, the dark spots where the nose or elbows poke out from people stuck in various poses underneath the carpet of alien flesh, very obviously being fed upon.

I was so outraged by sheer incompetence of the media for not noticing something this obvious that I halfway woke up, thinking about how to better spread the information or give an early warning system for a rapidly spreading alien biomass across the surface of the planet. I had a very simple solution; we'll go with the types of media we already know. As such, this is a 3 step warning system; the alien biomass is defined by whichever it is most similar to; Blob, Creep, or The Thing.

3) Blob
If the biomass falls under blob rules, then it can open up or is heavily acidic, meaning anyone who touches it can be broken down or melted into its mass. This is the least dangerous of the three despite still being incredibly dangerous. In this case, simple containment measures like extreme heat or cold, fire, chemicals, or whatever else could be used to try and keep it contained.

2) Creep
Like Starcraft's Zerg creep, the goop hive stuff Xenomorphs use from aliens, or that one SCP, this biomass version is living tissue that supports other structures or alien encouragement. This one could still open up or absorb people who touch it, but it's differentiated because now it can also support other structures or creatures; such as spawning tentacles to attack low flying aircraft or creating short lived creatures who can expand its influence or go capture humans to add to its biomass collective. It may also be a part of a natural alien ecosystem or be a tool for terraformation, causing more damage to the natural world in addition to just eating everything it touches.

1) The Thing
Obviously, if we're going by the Thing Rules, then this is the worst and most dangerous one. Thing rules are similar to Creep biomass, able to create new living things or morph itself, but with the addition of being universal across all living things and is able to create its own life forms or split into pieces that are long lived and not reliant on the creep's biomass to sustain its life functions. If the alien biomass follows Thing rules, then all bets are off. It might be able to take over biological things it touches, copy life forms, roll up into a ball and become a giant monster, split its pieces apart, etc. Obviously if this was actually unleashed anywhere on Earth it is highly likely it would just destroy the whole world and assimilate anything without anyone able to do anything anyway, which is why it's the highest on the warning system, you're totally fucked on this level, but at least you have something a little more accurate.

Everybody's Halflings

Just think about it logically

The name "Halfling" raises some confusion. For most, the simple fact that Haflings are about half as tall as a human is enough, but is there some other meaning? In truth, Halflings are not their own race, nor are they a phenomena unique to humans. Halflings are basically, half people. It's fantasy dwarfism; having nothing to do with actual real life little people, of course. But in this case; they are "half" a person.

Scholars disagree what this means exactly. They have a soul, a physical body, and a mind- mostly capable of beings of any given race; but they aren't "all there". They tend to see things a bit simpler- more like children. They're a bundle of simple stereotypes and drives- based on the race that spawned them. The reason Halflings are so laid back, love to live in rolling green farms, smoke weed and drink ale all day while the rest of the world passes them by is because they are only halfway to humans- the great longing to find the secrets of the universe, the search for passion and meaning- absent. Only the bare minimum of cultures. Wholesome, fulfilling, but simple.

But why do only humans seem to have these "Halflings" associated with them? Well, that's not actually true. Every race does.

Elves have halflings, they are called Gnomes.

Orcs have Goblins.

Dragonborn halflings are Kobolds. You may ask where dragons fit into this, and that's simple, dragonborn are actually Halflings of them. So Kobolds are half of a half, which is why are objectively not people and it's okay to break into their warrens and kill them for their shiny stuff.

Dwarves don't have halflings because dwarves are already halflings. Think about it; they basically act as stereotypes already, only caring about beer, mining, and forging with silly accents? Dwarves are the Halflings of the ancient great progenitor race of Giants, who once forged weapons for the Gods; now made silly and gold obsessed with cave-driven evolutionary adaptation. Also explains why they don't have darkvision; Giants live on the surface.

Sometimes the process works in reverse, at least in terms of size. The Halflings of Hyenas are actually Gnolls, which sounds weird until you consider how stupid and one-note Gnolls tend to be compared to the advanced social systems of hyena packs. Just look at the success rate of hyenas; they clearly have more going on upstairs then a fucking gnoll.

Drow have halflings too, and those are those weird little dark imp looking darkling creepy crawly gollum looking things you see sometimes in media but doesn't really have a specific overarching name but are totally common enough to be a fantasy race.

Ents have dryads. (Or those could be Halflings of trees?)

And those little magical pixie/fairy type creatures you can catch in jars and are generally helpful and nice? Those are the Halflings of the True Fae. The "halfing" aspect of them shaved off all of the extremely dangerous subtly and depth to what the Fae are like. They just give gifts and helpful little spells instead of actually ruining your whole family line while "helping" you with a problem.

What about Ogres? They tend to be pretty humanoid, just bigger. Are they doublelings? No, they're halflings too. Just of something way bigger and way, way worse.

In Defense of Race as Culture + 8 Universal Origins for People

Art @Su Jian

Often browsing internet forums or writing advice blogs, you will often hear the adage of "writing a fictional fantasy or sci-fi race with only one culture is bad writing", and this is true! Classics include Klingons, fantasy Dwarves, always-evil Orcs, and other such examples. The idea of an entire polity of intelligent beings, at least as smart or socialized as humans, yet not having even close to the same amount of diversity of cultures and ethnicities (or "races"; we're using the term race = species here as a colloquialism), does seem to raise some alarm bells and a lack of care for the detail and belivability of a fictional world.

The cause of this phenomena is talked about a lot, so I won't spend much time writing on it. Basically, everyone who writes these types of stories is a human, and humans are pretty much the only intelligent "race" of beings on our planet. As such, we see differences amongst ourselves much better then we do other living creatures. For example, most people couldn't tell the difference looking at an adult male or female tiger unless you put them right next to each other. The stripes, fur, hips, skull construction, everything is too similar unless you're some kind of zookeeper or something. Humans are designed to see differences in other humans, so we naturally gloss over the differences in a fictional nonhuman race. (One could argue this is actually genius level writing; portraying all members of a fantasy race as stereotypes is just the unreliable human narrator or the viewer own lens ignorant of the deep culture differences between deciduous forest elves and conifer-elves, but we're not gonna go there.)

Secondly, the overhead of writers and authors to create (and audiences to consume) is too much for a full human-level of detail and breakdown for different fantasy races with their own cultures and history. There is only so much room in a game or book or show or whatever else to dedicate to such extraneous fluff. As such, they are simplified. This creates a sense of "fakeness" and one-dimensionality to these fantasy races, making them walking stereotypes. Surely, the elves would have their own many factions and cultures. They can't all be tree dwelling, bow using, magical immortals with a penchant for sneering at younger races, right? Is having an entire race of ultra-capitalists in a sprawling sci-fi setting creating a less believable world, no matter how well developed they actually are? 

I think with the bottom-to-top worldbuilding design of creating and explaining every little detail of a world, yes, I think having fantasy races as monocultures is a bit lazy and could veer into bad writing. But in my opinion? Monolithic and one-dimensional races are not bad at all. This is because they are not representative of an actual fantasy race of people but, instead, are essentially the fantastical, exaggerated fantasy versions of real-life heritage and diversity.

Art @Timbukdrew (these are my favorite troglodytes ever btw)

Humans are Not a Race
Perhaps because of playing so many non-human characters, imagining settings with them, or generally consuming media with a smattering of different fantasy races I personally don't find myself with some special connection to fellow humans as portrayed in fantasy worlds. Instead, I just think of intelligent beings in fantasy as just being some vague kind of people. It also helps if we don't use the label of "human" for one or more fantasy races. One good example would be the Elder Scrolls or Lord of the Rings; while they may be "Men", the differences between them are still significant. After all, Hobbits are a race of men too, despite them being wayyyy different from the other "humans" in Tolkien's works, both physically and culturally (mentally?).

In the real world, different human genetic traits evolved due to evolutionary and selective (cultural) pressures. While this topic is obviously contentious, it is in inarguable fact of biology. It cannot be denied without a creationist argument. Even so, I still very strongly feel that the genetic difference between two of the most distant human groups still capable of interbreeding is still probably less then the differences then a Nord and a Breton, or a High Elf and a Dark Elf. They're still the same race, but the differences between them are exaggerated, made fantastical, more apparent to highlight the differences and potential gameplay impacts (which is the only thing anybody actually cares about) that your choice of character race will have on your playthrough.

Of course, "genetic distance" and DNA and shit doesn't exist in fantasy anyway. It's a misnomer. They exist but only as vague concepts that direct how the author and audience expect things to work unless something "else" is going on in the fantasy world. In the real world, somebody can't be half animal, because the genetics don't work like that. But in a fantasy world? Someone can be half horse or half bull or whatever, and potentially pass that trait on. Somebody can also just be touched by supernatural spirits, or be part of a cursed bloodline, or whatever else the author makes up. While logically or "realistically" orcs and elves and humans can't be part of the same species, they can still occupy that space thematically.

Imagine you are traveling along a road in medieval times. After a long enough walk, two villages could have totally different dialects, totally different industries and ways of living, different food and dress, different cultures and customs, and they may even look just a little bit different physically too. These differences are minor, scaling with distance traveled. In a fantasy world? It's the same, except exaggerated. Made fantastical and unreal by the creator and the reader, so much so that the next village over is not run by humans, but little badgers living in little holes under the ground. They aren't literally the same species under a complex set of genetic rules and cultural histories creating these differences; but instead a way to make that pop and become something that inspires awe and intrigue. This is why I don't mind when a fantasy race is boring or one-dimensional. They're only one-dimensional when compared to the real world, but in the fantasy world? They make up part of the tapestry.

Also to improve this rambling post a bit; a random table you can roll on to worldbuild where all your different fantasy races are actually all from the same place and we should like not fight in race wars in stuff because we're all really the same and stuff.

Universal Origins - Roll 1d8
[1] The Gods each made their own race out of the same special clay. Each is molded to look different and do different things, but in the end, they're all from the womb of the earth. Mortals can do this too, but only a fraction of their power; this is where golems come from.

[2] All of the races were uplifted are from different animals, which came first, and were magically transformed into Man-Shape. Orcs are pigs, elves from foxes, dwarves from goats, humans from flightless birds and so on. What about animal people? They were the first drafts, which is why those races are more bestial and less developed; cast aside as failed experiments.

[3] Do the Goblin Punch thing where all the races are uplifted genetic castes made for specific purposes by a precursor race. But don't make the precursors "true" Elves or some super powerful aliens; make it gnomes. Every time there is a secret plot or evil conspiracy, it's always the fucking gnomes.

[4] The first being in the world had many offspring that it split off from itself to admire creation. These beings are all just pieces of the whole. The eyes of the Elves, the arms and hands of the Dwarves, the horns of the Oni; all pieces of the true being. When the players finally arrange all the pieces together and zap it with lightning to bring it to life, it actually looks really horrific and it's basically a Lovecraftian monster that is their progenitor; not some creature of great beauty and grace.

[5] The world was actually a trial for souls, one representing each race, to overcome adversity and purify themselves to ascend into heaven to sit besides the Throne of God. Each one of these heroes was given a form that representing their emotional state and greatest faults they had to overcome. The Elf was a soul in love with nature and peace, needing to learn how to be practical. The Orc had a fiery temper and had to learn patience, and so on. The problem? The trial is over, they're all gone. It was made for individuals, and their offspring and families were just left behind later. Those ancient ancestral heroes are all chilling in heaven and don't really care about you anymore. You're just the leftovers.

[6] Each race is really from another demiplane that was once perfect for them. Endless rolling green hills for the halflings, toxic swamps with much prey for the lizardfolk, and so on. Eventually, the demiplanes fused together with cosmic planar gravity; the world is its accretion disc. Racism and stuff happens because you kinda weren't meant to ever exist together, so it's hard to adapt. Don't get mad when demons and freaky outsiders try to open portals to your dimension; they're just trying to join in with everyone else.

[7] When God made the world in all its complexity and design he took all the souls of all the people who would ever be born and asked them what they wanted to be and when all of them said they wanted to be kings and beautiful creatures and all powerful he got mad and just mixed them up in a pot and just spilled them out so that's why you're short and stubby and eat your damn mushroom soup.

[8] We all actually "evolved" over a "billions of years" from a single extremely simple creature called a "single celled organism". Scholars laugh at this nonsense; point to the statues of their Gods which look exactly like them. It just makes more sense.

I hate the Technocracy (MAGE WoD)

I can never talk about World of Darkness shit because I'm always afraid I'll get it wrong. It's such an old series of games and books, with multiple changed editions, some with totally different lore. I'm too casual for it. My World of Darkness experience is limited to a few games of vampire, one Hunter, a shitty play-by-post RP Forum game set in the setting but with none of the rules, reading the wikis, and pirated .pdfs. As such, I feel I can never speak with any authority on the subject, as I'm 100% sure my ideas about the setting are either headcanon confused as real stuff, other people's headcanon, or just flat out misremembered stuff I read from years ago. However, that doesn't stop me from really enjoying the implied setting, spitballing new ideas, and seeing what people make of it. No matter how much I read about WoD there always seems to be more.

But time and time again, something about MAGE really bothers me. MAGE in particular I feel like is the weakest and most contentious bit of the WoD, and is widely considered one of the hardest games to both run and play in, despite WRAITH having every player needing to play both their own character and a foil shadow to another character too. The Storyteller is just so loaded down in MAGE. I don't think this is a contentious opinion; I also frequented a roleplaying site for multiple years where a single dedicated GM continually tried recruiting for his WoD Mage game, in a place where people's games would usually fill up quite fast. I admire the dedication. But MAGE in particular bugs me.

I think the main issue with MAGE in terms of its universal appeal is its trying to be too broad and all-encompassing in scope. You're taking this core idea of "reality is what you make of it" or "reality is consensus", which works great for a highly focused piece of work like Unknown Armies, another favorite game/setting of mine, BUT you're also trying to tie it into the mythology and "monster"-fantasy of being a Witch or Wizard. I feel like you're creating an innate problem here. Vampire works great because you get what you say on the tin, you're a vampire. The game encompasses a massive amount of vampire mythology, and even encompasses some creatures that aren't traditional vampires yet all of them can safely fit into its mythology. It's scope is simple enough to understand and becomes a creative tool; restriction breeds creativity and all. But MAGE is basically anything you want as a magic user; no unifying themes other then the core rules of Spheres of power. Lip service to Ars Magica, but none of the actual grounding in Medieval Europe to tie it all together. It's trying to fit the fantasy of being Harry Potter, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, the Wizards of Waverly Place, Wizards101, Charmed, Wanted, and all that other shit together in one unified splat. I just think it's flawed. I personally think it would have been much better if it was just trying to be one of those; just let me play a Teenager Wizard trying to keep their powers a secret or else they'll get their powers taken away by the evil wizard police or whatever. Normie opinion? Fine.

But I get why people like MAGE. You can basically create anything you want and fit it into the rules; a conspiracy theorist seeing numerology in the stock market manipulating reality, a Wicca with some punch behind her practices, the kids from Chronicle and that one X-Files episode, and it all kinda just works. For those who like it, I can't OBJECTIVELY say it's bad, I just think it suffers from trying to be too philosophical. But you know what part of MAGE I can say is objectively bad? The Technocracy.

The Technocracy in Lore
I have read two version of MAGE. I don't remember which is which and I don't care to do so, just know I've seen both the oWoD and nWoD versions. To explain my limited knowledge of this topic, I will reiterate my understanding.

In the first (older?) WoD splat, the world is in a fallen state. Achieving enlightenment was once possible, but the ladder to climb to reach it was kicked down by those above; the Supernal world is the philosophical and power end-goal of all Mages in this edition of the splat. The Technocracy is another faction, even one allied with the standard Mages of this edition, using super science and technology as their form of "magic" in this world. They're still breaking the rules, but to the sleepers and unawakened, it's a slightly easier sell. Essentially, they're like those spy gadgets in movies. Nothing overtly supernatural is happening, but they're still working magic, as objective reality doesn't allow what they're doing in the strictest sense. It's an interesting potential faction in a game like this which is very gnostic in its theme (as if I haven't talked about that enough on this blog), but I personally dislike it due to the theme of "magic magic is real" which is supposed to induate the rest of the splat.

Then? The second splat. This one has the technocracy being its own faction, one of several compared to the Order of Hermes (the good guys), Marauders (crazy mages) and Nephandi (the actual bad guys). Here the technocracy are like the Agent Smith's of this splat, helping to keep down the reality threats in a world that should, in most cases, side with them. Reality is built on consensus and in the modern world, with religion all but dead and science and rationality being so strongly held in belief with normal people that the technocracy are all but indomitable. Then, they have Extraordinary Citizens who are basically the magictek science-driven form of Sorcerers. Both editions of MAGE mention this Extraordinary Citizen concept by this name.

And it is some of the worst, most tone-deaf shit I have ever read in my life.

The Core Problem
The entire point of World of Darkness is that the world is dark. Not necessarily grimdark, but depressing and always a bit sad, always a bit degraded. Every single splat of WoD, no matter what it is, has a very strong theme of loss and slow decay or degradation over time.

Vampires slowly lose their humanity. Werewolves gain too much rage and become animals. Changelings gain banality and eventually forget they were ever fairies- their enchanted existence becomes mundane and boring. This last one is really important. Mage has its own morality/essence mechanic in the form of Quiet. This isn't the issue to me, the issue here is tone and theme.

The entire concept behind Mage is that the world is what we make of it. Human belief and superstition changes what is objective and real. Magic in the WoD is rare and precious because... most people don't believe in magic. Mages are constantly fighting an uphill battle to create magic because they're fighting their own version of banality, but in this case, it's objective scientific fact. Education, capitalism, and communication have eliminated so much of the folk traditions and beliefs that magic is becoming almost impossible to achieve- at least effects that look especially unreal and impossible. This is true even though belief is supposed to be localized and fluid; even in the middle of the woods around none of the sleepers making something levitate by itself is difficult because the stink of "what comes up must come down" is so strong that it even happens even when no-one is looking. This is supposed to be the aspect of MAGE that is sad, that is dark, that is your uphill battle. That human achievement is limited by what we think is possible, that people accused of crimes can't actually be innocent because nobody gets accused without a good reason, or that "everyone is out for themselves" being a belief so ingrained that it becomes part of reality. This concept is even directly stated in the Nephandi book, for fallen sorcerers, who are actively trying to make the world a worse place by spreading these ideas and misery into the world. So what is the Technocracy doing with special divisions, intentional conspiracies nobody can breach into, and extraordinary citizens? I hate this concept. 

The Technocracy doesn't need any of this shit, because the Technocracy already won. In the battle for reality, the boring, safe, practical minds already infected themselves into every single person on Earth, crushing down the once beautiful systems of belief and being and magic that was once possible in every human soul, now most of which are asleep, going through the motions of what is expected of them. They only care about contributing to society; making money and living in a family, because the thought they could be out having epic adventures or exploring realms beyond Earth or slaying dragons and creatures of the night is childish, impossible, and out of their comfort zone of reality. This is supposed to be what MAGE is about, but the entire concept is completely ruined by the Technocracy as some entity.

So for me; the Technocracy still exists in MAGE, but it is faceless. There are no extraordinary citizens. There are no secret gadgets or conspiracy. Those who teach and learn the scientific method, and who crush the human soul out of the real world by asking you to point it out on their anatomy chart, are just as dangerous and diabolical as the Marauders; not asking for consent as they change the reality around you to their own twisted song. But for the Technocrats, it's worse. They are the middle managers of the gray eternity, perhaps even destined to turn humans into nothing but the intelligent primates they evolved from. How do you know we evolved from primates? Because they dug up a skeleton and all the DNA they discovered pointed to it. Why are there fossils? Why is there DNA? Why did humans evolve at all? Because they believe it so, and every time they're being proven right. "That is true" is the most common, endlessly repeated, and all-powerful magic spell. And that is why they are winning; not just today, but in the past too. Retroactively changing the mythical past of humanity into just myths and dreams and revisions of history, because those things "just aren't possible".

This, to me, is what makes the Technocracy scary; not a neat little list of special "divisions" that are basically just the orders of Mages but with different names. I have always imagined this to be the true enemy of the awakened ones in the WoD; something faceless and impossible to reason with, something infecting every corner of the globe and every human mind with the crushing endless repetition of "TRUTH", unassailable in all ways, as impossible to snuff out as knowledge and as eternal as the concept of a state. It's the one world order of the reasonable, the cautious, spreading by industry and information itself. That is what the Technocracy should be.

Voldemort is the best lich and I am NOT kidding

Voldemort is the best depiction of a lich in popular fantasy media. There, I said it. Let's talk about liches for a bit.

The Fantasy Lich & Their Problems
The concept of a Lich is an undead spellcaster, usually still retaining their intelligence and full magical power as when they were alive, often used as a method to cheat death or become immortal. They are usually high powered enemies in D&D fiction; being capable of being the primary antagonists of entire campaigns. If we consider the spectrum of dangerous, bestial monsters starting at wolves with dragons being the peak, then we could consider a spectrum of undead creatures to go from a skeleton to a lich at the peak. Not only having powerful spells, they also can't be killed, and keep coming back unless their special phylactery holding their soul is destroyed. The Lich as an archetype is extremely evocative, with robed skeletons commanding armies of the undead and mastering many magics.

But in context of the greater fantasy universe at play... don't you think Liches are kind of weird?

Consider the following; most people are afraid of death, and want to live longer, or forever. This is a common trope. Magic can be used to do many things, but the magic of immortality is often considered a very high or nigh-impossible goal to reach with magic. Ancient emperors and archmages wasting their limited time to try and find a way to live forever is a trope as old as time, and even happened in the real world on multiple occasions too; it's a sensible high concept goal similar to making life, turning lead into gold, visiting other dimensions, etc. often found as the motivations of high level spellcasters or mystics. Now consider that in the majority of fantasy settings with Lichs, the masterclass goal of these magic users is to become... a skeleton.

Doing this with good or neutral magic, like the arcane arts or healing magic if it exists, is often either impossible or a losing battle against entropy, casting a "reverse aging" spell or greater restoration every once in a while is the best you can get, and almost never can they bring themselves back from the dead with this magic, even if they can resurrect others. Dark magic, necromancy, or perhaps sorcery in general in some settings is considered a shortcut to power. As such, it stands to reason that becoming a lich is a "shortcut" to being truly immortal and alive with magic, which would help explain it. But remember, most people don't want to be an undead creature. Being undead sucks. If magic could do literally anything in a fantasy setting with no drawbacks, then no magic user would create the "become a lich" spell if it makes you into a skeleton like that; they'd just make the spell give you eternal youth, let you regrow limbs, reform your body after death, etc.

Similar to the above, there is a common thought I've seen on online discussions that a high level magic user should venture to become a master/true vampire instead of being a Lich; given that vampires have more powers and abilities and can retain their human appearance, though gaining a few weaknesses that Liches usually don't have, like sunlight. While I dislike this "fantasy catalogism"- as if people in the fantasy world know of every possible way to become immortal or powerful and can pick and choose as opposed to being limited by their knowledge and resources- it's still a valid criticism of lichdom.

Secondly, when most people want immortality either as the result of a wish or magical project, rarely do people want true immortality. As in, they don't want to literally never die ever. The idea of being truly immortal and being trapped somewhere forever, or being trapped out in space after the Earth explodes unable to do anything or talk to anything and having no way to end your suffering is a common existential nightmare, a "fate worse then death". The problem is a Lich and their phylactery are often written in such a way that implies that this could easily happen to them. Like if a lich puts their soul into a specific object and is then thrown into the ocean, every time they reform they will just reappear at the bottom of the sea, being crushed to death over and over until something finally discovers them. I think even considering the arrogance and short-sightedness of a dark wizard type they would be way more careful for their future eternal fate then wanting to put themselves in that kind of a situation.

The Phylactery and reformation process of a lich is also part of the issue I have with them. Part of this is just down to players and modern minds poking holes in fantasy literature; like yeah obviously the lich can't just decide "oh I'm going to make the moon my phylactery" or "oh I'll be a single unbreakable grain of sand that will be my vessel", it's a dumb subversion of the fantasy trope, but there is a certain nugget of truth to it. The whole "reform in 24 hours once destroyed" lacks any kind of gravitas or ability to "counter" the Lich's ability to reform from the dead, and feels overly video gamey. Even worse, the "turn into a lich" spell or ritual is often described or implied to be a sort of "raise undead but YOURSELF as the undead" being raised, thus you aren't under anyone else's control. I don't really like this, even though this could just be a "me" thing, as it literally feels like someone just took a look at the raise undead spell and thought of a clever way to use it on themselves to become a Lich, which once again goes against that immersive quality of fantasy worlds.

The other issue with the D&D Lich? It lacks a certain tragic quality. Truthfully, Liches are kinda supposed to be morally bankrupt, if not downright evil. Necromancy being used for good or neutral purposes if a subversion of the trope you see occasionally, which I personally don't mind if it's done in a smart way, but the issue with the fantasy lich is that it rarely ever seems like they're really suffering for their choice. They receive a major power up and have essentially sacrificed their humanity or mortality, to an extent they should be seen as tragic, cowardly, or in some ways pathetic. Of course, the character archetype of the "Lich doesn't actually have some evil plan and just wants to do research or have his pet project" is a fun trope too, but I feel like antagonistic liches are kind of core to their identity as big bads.

While there is a whole other can of worms to talk about how immortality or life-extending magic is rightfully (or wrongly?) cast as being morally wrong or how death-acceptance could be seen as a coping mechanism for death and not actually a "good" thing, in the fantasy world where morality tends to be a bit more objective, fate and karma are real forces, the Gods and souls have ultimate destinations and a higher purpose, etc. the concept of a Lich just being this sort of magic spell creation feels a bit thematically weak. This is then artificially justified with little things; like forcing a lich to do dark rituals involving sacrifice to create their phylactery or making undead inherently evil regardless of their intentions- but these feel like patch jobs. If you were going to die anyway, becoming a Lich wouldn't be a downside at all, and with they being undead who retain their free will, it takes away some of the punch of them being these flawed, scary, magically powerful monsters and more like a fantasy insurance plan to an otherwise powerful Wizard character.

But what about Voldemort?

Art @Shen Yi

Voldemort is cool as fuck
If we look at the above qualifications of being a fantasy Lich, Voldemort checks almost all of the boxes. He's immortal and cannot be killed without destroying his soul-vessels, in this case Horcruxes. He is a powerful dark magic user. He is creepy, evil, and the main antagonist of the work he is located in. But did you notice the subtle difference? Voldemort spends most of the Harry Potter series trying to come back to life.

This is a bit of a misnomer, but think about it. Other liches reform quickly, Voldemort has to otherwise scheme and squirm to find a way back into a normal body. Multiple times he is thwarted from returning to life, and his full power, by the heroes of the books and films. This to me defines him as the best Lich; he doesn't just come back ala D&D rules, stopping him from coming back is how you fight him. It works better as a recurring antagonist, as while you could theoretically fight a D&D lich multiple times, they tend to be extremely strong "boss fights", meaning multiple encounters of them are too deadly to be done consistently. Instead, trying to stop the dark wizard from coming back to his full strength is the repeating tension and part of the campaign. It's similar in nature to the "cultists serving a dark god" plotline you see in fantasy fiction roleplaying so much, allowing players to more reasonably and realistically take on this otherwise overwhelming and impossible foe in a way that is less immersion breaking. You could even define and scale a campaign around it, with defeating the weakest "shadows" of the lich for low level characters, fighting more powerful versions at higher levels, and the final fully incarnate version as a challenge for even the most veteran parties. This also secondarily means that it isn't quite as dangerous to travel with or keep a phylactery around. Just imagine an evil Wizard making their greatest staff or enchanted item their phylactery; knowing its safe from destruction from the greed of mankind. Yes, technically this thing is evil and means that the dark undead wizard is still yet to be banished from the world, but it's a really strong magic item. Or maybe it summons skeletons every midnight and constantly attacks us with dark magic and we don't know how to destroy it, so let's just bury it somewhere. It creates a more believable world that helps explain why these threats and undead beings aren't just banished immediately OR don't take over everything with their limitless power. It could even create this sense of temptation among the players, not wanting to give up a great treasure or magic item or perhaps even a high level soul-binding spell that means that as long as YOU live, the necromancer still has a foothold in the mortal world. Maybe even Sauron is a lich... But we aren't ready for that conversation.

Now of course I should mention that you don't have to really scale an entire campaign around just defeating one Lich. It's an option, but you could still just have the scary encounter in the deep dungeon with some newly generated NPC Lich as a high level encounter, a threat but not world-shaking, to get use out of their fantasy idea space and as a capstone for a undead themed dungeon delve. Liches can still scale in power- but the main point is that they aren't just these undead spellcasters, but instead a sort of broad spectrum of dark mages or undying beings. Perhaps they require stolen life force to fully manifest, or slowly reform their bodies by draining the blood or organs from other beings, ala Imhotep from The Mummy. Regardless of the reason, Liches have both a incentive and need to go out into the world and do things, not just "study arcane secrets" in the depths of the dusty tomb. This does give them a soft overlap with vampires, but I feel like that's fair. If anything, a Lich could be a vampire, a terrifying combination of supernatural forces. Their body is powerful, immortal, and fed with blood. But upon staking them in the heart, the Lich is not truly defeated, and returns as a ghost now scheming for a new way to return to the world of the living.

Secondly? The Horcruxs. The Horcruxes allow Voldy to not have one but multiple backups and phylacteries, once again leading to a campaign in and of itself, as well as having each being a powerful magic item and challenge in its own right. However, I'm in two minds about this. On the one hand, having an extremely powerful reforming Necromancer who also gets multiple backups and requires this much clever work to take down seems a bit too much, and the thematic importance and character-building of having this one special item that is this Lich's one weakness is really cool. But at the same time, I love the idea of multiple horcruxes and the character designs and concepts- imagine a Pharaoh Lich of an ancient Kingdom with the Crook and Flail being their two phylacteries, crossed over their arms and separated by a foolish graverobber. The possible fun of having to bring them all together again; maybe the normal lich rules of reforming into their full undead form apply but only if they're all together again- giving an incentive to not hide them all in each corner of the world but also a possible way to bring them out again for one final battle? There's a similar concept in Castlevania and The Elder Scrolls, with finding the pieces of Dracula or Lorgren Benirus in the basement of the haunted house you can buy in Oblivion.

For this one, I'd say your "average" Lich only has one phylactery, but an extra powerful one could have several. Not every one of them is a continent-spanning adventure, but you do have to hurry back to the local church to have this thing consecrated, else the Lich is plotting his return. But this entire time, I've been saving the real reason Voldemort is my favorite Lich. 

Voldemort is Pathetic
Harry Potter as a series has its problems, the writing has its flaws and cliches, the worldbuilding is nonsensical, and now it's impossible to discuss honestly due to the stink with its author (who I have been very careful to not bring up until now). The thing I really like about Harry Potter is the insistence on emotion, the spiritual, and "human scale" magic. It just feels like the most grounded and "lived in" style of high fantasy sparkly woosh magic "Magic" you can get, which is a huge plus for me. Typically fantasy settings get defined by how overt, powerful, or flashy their magic and magic systems are. You get the spectrum from folklore and real-world occultism with next to no overt effects all the way to high fantasy glowing runes floating in the air summoning big explosions from nowhere. But Harry Potter really straddles that middle ground I like so much; where magic is strong but not level 20 D&D Wizard types of busted overpowered.

Voldemort in the context of all fantasy media is a bit of a jobber. He wouldn't be as powerful as, say, Vecna or Koshchei, but in the context of his universe? He's pretty scary. He's a powerful dark Wizard with a cult of other dark Wizards, tons of magic items, multiple layers of defense with his Horcruxes, the Elder wand, and more. He can just straight up kill people, but he can't snap his fingers and obliterate an army, or move mountains, or do these other acts of high magic that are seen by the most epic and end-game sort of fantasy shenanigans that a high level D&D Lich could get up to.

Every few years I go back and read this blogpost about Dragons. It's one of my favorites, as something about it really resonated with me. The idea of dragons being these apocalyptic, unstoppable demigod beasts seemed to become so ingrained with popular fantasy culture that it's refreshing to take them down a few pegs, to make them threatening without it being overpowering. Dialing back the power scale and enjoying something more grounded. Voldemort is like that, but for Liches and the stereotypical "Evil Wizard" antagonist you see in tabletop games.

Voldemort is scary, and he is strong, but notice how he is strong. Most of his strength comes from his Death Eaters, the dark wizards who act as his agents and followers, caring for him and bringing him back each time he is defeated. Much of his power comes from his reputation, his magic items, and his years of preparation and planning- he doesn't have this insane CR meant to challenge demigod adventurers. Look at this clip to see what I mean. His spells are strong, but not unmatchable, Dumbledore was still able to drive him back at the Ministry of Magic long enough for help to arrive. Notice that he flees when the authorities arrive; he doesn't march in and take over the world with his undead army, at least not yet, he has to operate in the shadows. In a more generic fantasy world, I'd imagine a Lich to be about as strong as the above- capable of beating the shit out of lesser wizards and mundanes alike, but still being restrained and limited with their own weaknesses.

And secondly? Voldemort is a tragic, somewhat pathetic figure. He can come back from life when killed, yes, but it's always a false life. In the first film and book, Voldemort is a literal parasite living on someone else. Then, he's a memory. Finally when his body is fully reformed, he is mutated and twisted, looking unnaturally pale. Remember, nobody wants to become a lifeless, cold skeleton as a condition of their immortality. But imagine in your hubris and arrogance you can come back to life, but you can only do it in a hunched, pale, weakened body of an old man or twisted half alive creature, dependent on the blood or life force of other beings. It's being alive but at a cost, you are "alive" but pathetic. This to me is far more appealing as an end state of a "Lich" then simply being the undead skeleton with burning glowing eyes. Even in the metaphysics of the Potterverse, you will end up as worse off, "lesser", for creating a Horcrux. It will make you immortal, but you irreparably sever pieces of your soul to do it. You will get what you want, but at a price, and it's that perfect type of price that isn't obvious enough to the foolish or arrogant exactly what they are losing, but in the grand scheme, you know why they are doomed.

I write a lot of stuff about the nature of karma or inserting morality in fantasy. I don't do this because I have an axe to grind, moreso, it rubs against that nebulous "vibe" that classic fantasy, literature, and mythology have that I feel is so central to creating meaningful and immersive fantasy worlds and campaigns. Tabletop games are games, first and foremost, and cannot be approach the same way a planned piece of literature is. You can't foreshadow the fall of a character based on their choices and reactions to things, to make them pay the price for their actions, that's the players job and can only be interpreted after the fact. Unless you're playing a pure story or "railroaded" adventure, you can't guarantee the players will be able to break the final phylactery and banish the Lich's black soul for the final time when they fight them; they might just lose and the Lich will succeed their evil plan. But inherent in the media is room for these sort of things; the idea of someone being so afraid of death and so arrogant that they willingly give up the pleasures and joy of life to live forever, to make a mockery of life to continue on in fear of death or judgement or being forgotten, is something you can add into the game. You can give that thematic weight to a boss monster by how they are written or how they act, especially if it's inherent in what they are. And to me, that is what a Lich is. They aren't like a living person who can relax and unwind and sleep and heal from an injury or stressful time in their life, looking at their children playing in the bright green fields and think "life will go on"; they are instead constantly skulking, feeding, hiding away their secret items of power and shying away from life. It's not a necromancer who found "one simple trick" to become immortal using their own magic spell, it's someone who is trapped in a state of half-life, unable to move on or escape on their own power, terrifying and a threat to their foes, but in a way pathetic and even pitiable, trapped by their own choices and ultimately, cosmically wrong.

Just like Voldemort.