2d6 Monster Weak-Spot Generator

[2] Make it swallow a +1 magic orb or mace's head without the handle attached.

[3] Must hit three specific spots on its body, sequentially, with a +1 magic staff.

[4] Pry off a bony plate or scale with a +1 magic pick or dagger, then stab inside.

[5] Crush it's skull with a +1 magic mace or hammer

[6] Pierce its eye with a +1 magic spear or +1 magic bow's arrow

[7] Cut off its head with a +1 magic sword or axe.

[8] Stab it in the heart with a magic +1 spear or sword

[9] Cut off its tail/whiskers/beard/tongue with a +1 magic dagger (need both hands to pull it taut)

[10] Use a +1 magic battleaxe or greatsword to cut it in half in a specific line.

[11] Freeze its entire body, then shatter with a +1 magic mace or hammer.

[12] Must cut off all of its limbs in 2 rounds, requires +1 magic weapons. Else will reform itself.

Garden- What's in the Red Bag?

While wandering through Garden, you find a tiny isolated park between two buildings. There's a single park bench and a red bag, right on top, abandoned with no one in sight.

What's inside it?

Roll 1d10

[1] $20,000 cash. There's a bloody fingerprint on the top bill.

[2] Pistol. Fully loaded.

[3] Severed head.

[4] Small amount of groceries. Package of eggs and bread for sandwiches.

[5] Knife. It's an artifact from the underground. If you kill a psychic with it, it gets stronger.

[6] Crumpled up lady's hat.

[7] Adoption papers. Already signed & stamped. Orphanage is right down the street.

[8] Magazine of rifle cartridges. Made of explosive powder and hibi salts. It's some professional shit.

[9] Polaroid of a beach on a bright sunny day. Tiny sand castle in the corner.

[10] The “key” to the city. Old enough to have been given out three decades ago. It's clearly ornamental, but each time you explore the underground 1 in 6 chance you find a matching door.

Random Explanations for Things I

Why are Orcs green?

Photosynthesis. Orcs draw in energy from the sun as they fight, which helps them stay cool (their resting body temperature is actually lower then humans) and get energy. This is also why orcs like to fight mostly naked- the speed and strength gained from the sun is more beneficial to them then what little protection armor can provide.

How can trolls regenerate infinitely?

Well in my opinion, they can't. That whole “capture a troll and slice off bits of meat for infinite source of food” isn't really how I imagine troll regeneration working. But the same as orcs- they photosynthesize to gain energy. Trolls are often green, right? Perhaps this energy is just expended instantly instead of saved up as glucose.

Why is gold and stuff valuable in a world with magic and alchemy?

Because it's the one thing alchemy can't make easily. The ability to turn lead into gold is highly sought after, and despite all the effort and lore it just doesn't work. Gold and gems are one of the few things that magic can't fake or conjure more of, hence it retains its value even in a world with crazy sorcerers, cleric healers, and alchemical forgeries.

Why do Taverns have individual rooms like a hotel? Isn't that an anachronism?

It might be in the real world, but not in the fantasy world. With wizards trying to study their glowy spellbooks in the middle of the night, being of different races trying to adjust to each others presence (like a dwarf's loud snoring), and the coming and going of adventurers with expensive and powerful gear they need to keep secure- it only makes sense that taverns have developed beyond common rooms with individual beds, walls, and locked doors.

If this is fantasy Medieval Europe, why are there potatoes?
Literally who cares.

Why would a dragon ever land to fight? 
Dragons are exceptionally prone to arrogance. They want to rend their enemies apart with claw and tail, not just with fire. They like getting blood on their claws, or scooping up the occasional knight as a nice snack. Or you could say it's because they're like lizards in that they use similar muscle groups to work parts of their body- they may need to land to breathe on occasion, or it could be they breathe fire unless landed, because their lungs can't expand when they are in flight.

Why can certain fighting moves only be used a X times per day?

Esoteric energy reserves. Specifically, this applies to special fighting or martial moves with daily limits, as to explain why they are limited. “Getting tired” is one excuse but doesn't really work considering the rest of the fighter's moves or actions are not inhibited in any way. So I explain it as special, esoteric energy reserves inside the body, cultivated by martial training. Everyone has trace elements of these energies, you just need to expand them through intense training and diet- so it's not magical. At least not magical for the fantasy universe. You could call it chi or whatever but I prefer to keep it a little more vague- chi is more of a full body thing, but I digress.

Why does Gold give XP?

It's an abstracted measure for how “good” you are at your job- recovering treasure from dungeons. The amount of gold you bring back is a good indication of how successful you are- Fighters are like the bodyguards, Thieves disarm the traps and scout ahead, Wizards are the problem solves, etc. It's a tightly knit group working together towards a common goal.

Oh- you wanted an in-universe reason? It's because the Gods smile upon you for getting your wealth back from the children of the Red God. All the money in dungeons was stolen from your people first.

Why do magic items have “once per day” limits instead of 24 hours or whatever?

It's because of the Time Between.

How did humans evolve in a world full of super powerful monsters and shit?

They didn't, Gods made them. Humans came into being at the same time as their technology- iron and clothes and farms all existed from the get go, there were no hunter gatherers. Or if you like the more civilization = evil take; man USED to be much stronger- the first men were larger, more powerful, and greater in every way to current man. The old bloodlines of the first men are watered down now; but sometimes they are what lead to great men; standing tall even among the decay.

If there are animal people like sheep and lizards, but sheep and lizards still exist, what is the “people” versions relationship to the animals?

Hopefully platonic.

Hit Points as Meat Points

Hit Points are usually described as an abstract fighting or health force within a character or creature that lets them keep going until it reaches zero. Of course, in an actual game this is sufficient. There are also some people like myself who prefer to describe “hit points as meat points”, aka all hit points are physical damage and the amount of physical damage you can take increases with level. Because higher level or tougher character can survive unrealistic amounts of damage, this opens the door to the concept of the hows and whys, in universe, “hit points as meat points” work.

6 Hit Points as Meat Points Explanations

[1] They're made of stronger stuff. Their skin is tough as leather, their muscle and flesh is like cutting into wood. Your sword can bite their skin, but only goes in a few inches even with all your might. Their blood may also be thicker then normal, clotting up wounds quickly. This could go up to include automatic beneficial mutations such as your bones being remade out of metals, or your skin taking on a golden hue to represent a more metallic consistency of flesh.

[2] They surround themselves in an invisible energetic field. This isn't necessarily a martial art or magical spell, it may just be an innate property of things that get powerful. This energy deflects weapons and make their points flow or bounce off their skin, but it isn't the same as having standby armor or deflection as each time this field absorbs or weakens a blow, it uses up some of its energy. Hence, it works as a reserve of hit points.

[3] The setting is described not using real life terms, as such real life physics don't apply. Things only die when at least one of their four elements (breath for air, body heat for fire, etc.) are expelled to the cosmos. It is entirely possibly a high level warrior has so much wind in their breast that stabbing through both lungs won't kill them alone. Perhaps their humors are too well circulated, or their warrior spirit burns too hot and you can only defeat them by wearing it away.

[4] Spiritual authority means that blades and crushing forces simply harm them less. Their skin is no stronger then anyone else, their blood is no thicker then anyone else, weapons just don't hurt them as much. You slam their head with your hammer and the skull doesn't crack, even though the force you put into the blow would. Your arrow simply pierces a tiny pinhole, not because their skin is harder then stone but because it refuses to harm one of spiritual superiority. Once injuries mount however, then weapons begin to deal more damage to their form, reducing their invincibility. It could be then that “real” wounds begin once hit points reach zero, as though this godly protection of Numen wore off once their fatigue sets in.

[5] Characters simply have an unnatural hold on life. You can hurt them the same as any real creature, but it doesn't stop them up to a certain threshold. You can pierce their heart, shatter their skull, cut the tendons in their arms and they can still move and think and fight until enough damage is dealt. Could imply that the undead are just people with a super powerful will to live, continuing after death.

[6] High powered warriors regenerate from fatal or near-fatal damage very quickly, as though their reserve of life force prevents a final blow, though shallower cuts take a nearly normal amount of time to heal. This means any killing blow is healed over quickly, but they can still accumulate damage and eventually die if enough is dealt. If characters heal at different speeds based on hit points, such as a percentage or class based amount, then it is a little more fitting in universe.

Familiars = Stands

I was watching Jojo's Bizzare Adventure recently. This came to mind.

Art @Rowena Morill

Familiars = Stands

Sometimes, Wizards bind their souls to demons. Perhaps in this hypothetical setting, magic can only be cast by supernatural beings, and as such it is required to have a familiar to cast spells. Maybe the magic of a familiar spirit is the only kind of magic that is available to humans, beyond pesudo-works such as Alchemy. Perhaps Wizards don't have familiars, but you decree that your Warlocks do instead. Perhaps Wizards don't need familiars, but having one is a seductive power boost.

When a Magician binds a demon to themselves; it appears to them. Only those with familiars can see other familiars. Familiars can only be damaged by other familiars, or by “magic” weapons. Familiars can be Turned, but only if the Cleric knows one is present. To those not with a familiar spirit, the demon is invisible. The “attacks” of the familiar appear as spontaneous wounds on the victim's flesh, but it is truly the work of the demon perched invisibly on the Wizards shoulder.

Finally; nobody can get rid of a familiar, and everyone can only have one. Once you have it, you have it, and that's that. The familiar is banished if the user dies, except in the cases of suicide. Exceptionally forceful or ambitious demons will sometimes manipulate fate to make their user kill themselves, so they can be free, but by doing so lose access to the mental and spiritual energy that allowed them to manifest. As such, they trick their user only to kill themselves with a cursed blade they can reside in, or within a circle of standing stones that become their home, and so on. 

Familiar Stats

• All Familiars start with AC 10 and a To-Hit bonus of +0
• Any damage taken to the familiar go to its user.
• Familiars can move or pick up small objects, like books or keys. What most people believe a levitation or floating spell is actually a familiar carrying the object to its master
• Familiars cannot be seen except with True Sight or by anyone else with a Familiar
• Familiars can only be harmed by magic weapons
• Familiars feed off their user's mental strength and are primarily manifested by it. Add the user's Intelligence modifier to the Familiars To-Hit and AC
• Familiars are demons; they can be Turned.
• Familiars have a maximum range from their user, which is based on their power level.

Familiar Power Levels

Not all familiars are equal. Each familiar has a different level of power, represented by their size.

Imps are about as big as housecats to small dogs, and are the weakest and most common type of familiar. They deal 1d4 damage on a hit. Their maximum range is equal to a whole valley. Those with imp familiars often send them to spy on foes, or to deliver secret messages.

Devils are about as big as a human. They deal 1d6 damage on a hit. These include the ranks of succubi and incubi. Their maximum range is within a few rooms or a small forest clearing.

Danavas are about as big as an ogre. They deal 1d8 damage on a hit, and have a maximum range of one pace away from their user. Mostly, this means the master has to touch a target to harm them.

Familiar Powers

Familiars may have special powers. These are like signature spells, and if luck would have it the Wizard's new free magical ability could give them a serious edge over the competition, those once again it is the familiar doing the work.

In order to generate a familiar power, roll on the Cavegirl Gifted tables. Once for Aspect and once for Methods. Then, roll a 1d12 to see its damage/effect die size and then another 1d12 on the range if applicable. This isn't a perfect method but could get you close to something a random stand-power generator might be.

Side Notes

You could easily fit this concept of Familiars or “stands” into your game as a supplemental magic system. If you're one of those people with a hypothetical “you don't level up but get more powerful by stuff in the world” sort of guys, then this concept would work well as a side method of advancement for Wizardly characters. I would probably say getting bound to a familiar means you get +1d6 hit points, since Familiars are just an extra target for you to take damage from.

Blood Onions

Art @Michael Whelan

Sometimes you see a picture or piece of artwork that inspires you. This above really inspires me.

Blood Onions

Growing only in the mournful desert, that is filled with lightning storms and the lost armies of many conquerors. These bitter tubers grow wherever blood is spilled. It is said their seeds can lie dormant for an eternity, and each one can grow from a single drop of blood, though obviously more blood makes them grow faster and bigger.

Blood Onions are one of the only sources of food in the mournful desert, and small craft industries nears the wasteland's edge cultivate them for some kind of food in this barren place.

When exploring a harsh desert and you are out of food and water, you have a 1 in 6 chance of finding some blood onions per half a day of exploration. Each blood onion patch has 2d6 rations worth of food and water, just enough moisture in its leaves and stem to nourish a man. Tastes awful.

Yes that is the joke.

Garden- What's She Smoking?

You enter the hazy lounge. Within the ageless face of your contact, a woman in luxurious attire peeks out at you. In one hand are the (black and white) photos of your target, and in the other is a long cigarette holder, thin wisps of smoke coming from its tip.

What's it smell like? - 1d10

[1] Peaches and Cream.

[2] Floral extract, reminds you of a jungle.

[3] Just smoke.

[4] Musty hay, a bit like a horse.

[5] Freshly mowed lawn.

[6] Petrichor

[7] Alcohol. Could just be because of how much she's had to drink.

[8] Mostly absent, faint odor of blood.

[9] Odorless. How considerate.

[10] Every species smells something different. Roll this table again once per person. If you roll on this one twice, then for you it smells like dog shit.

What is the cigarette holder made of? - 1d8

[1] Red Plaque.

[2] Plastic. Cheap.

[3] Silver and Bronze.

[4] Horn of a Ut Beast. You can only make two per horn so, pretty expensive.

[5] Some kind of piss-yellow alien metal. Hot end turns this really nice green after a while.

[6] Wood, with midnight lacquer. Your knife is more flammable.

[7] It's hollow, uses a special type of metal that 'cages' in the smoke if it's moving, but otherwise will slip through the cracks. Looks really cool to light up with this, not going to lie.

[8] Isk'Kassa Stone. The actual tip is made of metal, if the holder was heated by an open flame it would explode and send stone shards into everyone's eyes. Weighs a ton.

What brand of cigarette is it? - 1d12 – If it has a color in the name; smoke is that color.

[1] Krakatoa Blue

[2] Tailride

[3] Jerky Slims.

[4] Smokey's

[5] Yellow Bloods – Full Flavored

[6] The REAL Dokotos – Trust no Imitations, this is the real one!

[7] Stylus Black

[8] Porporo Po

[9] Huey's Reserved Blend

[10] Doctor Thicks – For Improved Cardiovascular Health

[11] Gumshoe Green

[12] Drinking Buddy

What's the smoke doing? - 1d6

[1] Rising.

[2] Falling.

[3] Being blown right in your face. Bitch.

[4] Weirdly drawn to other smoke in the room, makes the clouds even thicker.

[5] Glowing. Occasionally it sparks, might light the tablecloth on fire.

[6] Comes out in blobs like smoke 'bubbles'. Can be popped by touching them.