Sunday, June 23, 2019

Nine Tables of Hell

What is the environment of this section of hell like? - 1d10
[1] Fire, molten rock, burning brimstone. Pretty normal.
[2] Freezing rains and winds, forever-sticking mud in your boots. Swampy.
[3] Clearly designed for punishments; orderly sections, demons on rotation. Artificial barriers.
[4] Steps to a demon lord's palace. Protesters flayed, calmly stand up to protest some more.
[5] Humongous pillar stretching into the black, ashy sky above. Holds up the surface world?
[6] Flying skulls laugh evilly, pushed along by blistering winds over the salt flats.
[7] The floor is moving. Giant beetles are the hills, crawling over and eating anyone who falls down.
[8] Green trees and plants, everything is painted razorblades.
[9] The forest of suicides. Those who kill themselves become trees here in hell. Moaning trees.
[10] Tall bony demons walk on stilts, pluck souls up in their beaks, throw them down off the nearest cliffs. Hilly terrain of sharpened stones and seemingly bottomless ravines.

What is this Damned Soul being punished for? - d10
[1] Lust
[2] Gluttony
[3] Greed
[4] Sloth
[5] Wrath
[6] Envy
[7] Pride
[8] Wearing mixed fabrics, being left handed, etc. Ridiculously unfair orthodox sins.
[9] Being a terrible Father/Mother In-Law. Majority of hell's population.
[10] Evil deeds of a past life- ironic punishments don't work for this incarnation. Has no clown phobia, yet being harried by demon clowns.

What are the Demon's doing on their break? - d8
[1] Smoking.
[2] Gossiping with a giant stone face that is chewing on a sinner; they laugh softly over the screams.
[3] Picking through a stack of beautiful paintings, then smashing them.
[4] Swimming in lava. There is a rope swing made of some lady's innards. She's tied up above.
[5] Affixing black metal armor to themselves, welding it to their skin.
[6] Torturing “for fun”. The damned soul is a volunteer; getting a break from his preordained, much worse torture for this easy and casual finger breaking and anus ripping stuff.
[7] Drawing lines in the sand and discussing hell geopolitics. Eavesdrop for 1d4 rumors.
[8] Torturing, eating, and molesting dogs. Absolutely horrific, but you'll notice the dogs aren't real. They're automatons; everybody knows dogs always go to heaven. They wish they had a real dog.

What's the Hellish Kitchen's Special? - d12
[1] Jellied Baby Souls. It's a rare delicacy, because only a few babies end up here.
[2] Any normal dish, à la mode. The topping is molten lava.
[3] Flail-Snail Escargot. They're still alive, of course.
[4] Evil Jam. Dark purple, flavor tastes like miasma and wasted time. Served on bleeding-bread.
[5] Ale, fermented in a barrel with the heads of several punished brewers.
[6] Pixie dust. Stolen from a paraplegic girl who wanted one chance to fly.
[7] Wizard ganglion, served on his own staff. Slow roasted to get that wood-smoked flavor.
[8] Journal of a youth, read to expose their failed dreams. Laughs of spite are the main course.
[9] Ulcer of the damned. Scratched daily for a few eons, it's perfectly ripe now.
[10] Water. There's basically none of it in hell, save the occasional snowball.
[11] Elf ears.
[12] Looks like a normal tavern special. But cooked, prepared, and made by devils.

What did the Greed Demon just drop on the ground? - d10
[1] Key to one of the Hell vaults. Incredibly valuable, but the guards and traps are still there.
[2] Smaller Greed Demon. It's the first one's compound interest, so it's still growing.
[3] Gold coin wrapped in silver coin wrapped in copper coin wrapped in bear shit.
[4] Stowaway mimic. Small, portable design like jewelry box or medicine flask.
[5] Burning Ruby. It burns for years, even outside of hell. Submerge in ice water for a few months.
[6] Vile wind chime. When shook, worst imaginable smell blows in. Demons will trade for this.
[7] Handful of copper scarabs. They burrow under skin and turn you into an immobile statue; typical punishment for metal workers who cheat their customers.
[8] Soul of a banker. It immediately tries to lend advice and guidance, and charges by the penny. It's charging interest on every word; in a few days will demand ridiculous first payment for the loan.
[9] Bag of Witholding. Anything placed within requires several summoned lawyer demons and days of litigation to get back out. The demon gets to keep anything left in when you die, expect tricks.
[10] Dyed rope with multiple knots from some primitive culture's money system. Demons still trying to find proper exchange rate between it and hell-currency.

How are these Damned Souls planning to escape? - d6
[1] Digging up. Small collection of shovels and a single, rotten 20 ft ladder. It's not going well.
[2] Collecting hell coins and luxuries to trade with a major demon for safe passage out of here.
[3] Being so evil they can be promoted into demons. Very likely to attack you.
[4] Prayers sent to realms above. They travel by post, will take quite a while.
[5] Seeking nirvana to escape the cycle of death and rebirth. Hard to meditate with birds eating your organs all the time.
[6] Growing a garden in a hidden nook, a few blades of grass and a stumpy squash is all they have to show for their “grow a huge vine and climb out” plan.

How are these Damned Souls being tortured? - d12
[1] Giant cat is playing with them, it's claws are frozen ice, chills so they can't run away.
[2] Little dollies go “play with me” while making more of themselves out of people skin.
[3] Crushed flat by huge demon, stacked on burning shelves. Not a punishment, just storage.
[4] Melted by ultra-hot fire. Their bodies pool together, faces and memories start to intermingle.
[5] Giant eyeball watches them from above, criticizing every action.
[6] Lightning bolt strikes person, they get fat and run. As soon as they slim down, struck again.
[7] Great geysers of boiling piss. Also, poop hail.
[8] Huge rolling stone constantly chases them. Also has their mother's face or some shit.
[9] Demons paint their body team colors; throw some limbs around to score points.
[10] Leaky bags of drugs put inside skin; sneak across border to purgatory. Always busted.
[11] Endless waiting room “to be sent to your punishment”. As soon as one gets clever and figures it out, they are put on a bandsaw that slices them from groin to head. Just to spite them.
[12] Bored demons poking at someone in boiling tar with a pitchfork. They'll let you take over if you want, but won't compensate you. They wished they paid more attention in devil school.

What is this Demon's weapon made out of? - d8
[1] Dark Soulstuff. Souls that last hope so many times they lost all semblance of being.
[2] Steel forged in the fiery furnaces of hell itself. Look cruel and dirty but very strong.
[3] Bones and ligaments. It still bleeds.
[4] Demon horn and scales. Acts as an Unholy weapon, turning lawful/angels on a successful strike.
[5] Wood from the roots of the world. Very strong, can be stuck in stone to make rock indestructible.
[6] Dwarf weapon, fallen from an underground kingdom above. Notches mark promises broken.
[7] Stolen angelic weapon. Kept filthy and used as sex toy; its spirit must constantly be broken for the demons to be able to successfully use it.
[8] Soul of a sinful warrior, crushed and molten, made into the shape of a sword. His face is etched onto the flat of the blade, stuck in an endless scream of pain and battle.

The Devil himself flies overhead! What does he decree? - d6
[1] For 10 decades only, super sale at Hell Emporium! It's just an illusion from Mammon.
[2] He screams the name of the most sinful party member. Hell's forces descend on you.
[3] Babbles and pukes green slime, which rains down. If it touches you, holes open up on your flesh.
[4] He doesn't say anything; just draws a giant dick in the sky with his black contrail.
[5] Challenges the demon prince of this level of hell to show who is the boss. He will win.
[6] He's turned over a new leaf, ready to save the damned and make demons good- wishes to rejoin heaven instead of fight. 1 in 10 chance he's actually not joking.

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